The Way to the Clocktower's Heart
by Engineered Muse
Summary: Shirou swears revenge on all the Clocktower, and after a year of training, gets it. Although his magecraft may have changed a little (or a lot) in the process. Originally a one-shot that is now evolving into an ongoing story (with real-ish plot! To not be taken semi-seriously!) in which Rin is surrounded by crazy people. She is not amused. (Please note the parody tag)
1. Chapter 1: The Return

**Original Author's Musings (6/20/2017):**

It's a bit of a heady feeling actually putting something out there for others to read. I finally did it. Hope you enjoy this oneshot that popped into my head one day and wouldn't leave until it supplanted my first planned fic. Feel free to let me know what could use work.

And in case you couldn't tell, this isn't intended to be serious despite the tone of some parts. Enjoy!

Edit (upon publishing Chapter 2): Despite my above statement, I can't keep this idea out of my head. It will likely be more than a oneshot at this point.

 **Additional Muses? Musings? Musery? (9/24/18 - Chapter 12 Published)**

Just wanted to add some additional notes here to make sure new readers know what they are getting into. This story is the first I ever wrote and grew wildly out of hand from my original plans. As such, there will be minor spelling and grammar errors. There will be some mood/tone shifts that are not exactly well done. Some things will be silly and shouldn't be taken super seriously. I'm sure you all get the idea...

The whole trip of writing this so far, letting it sit for over 6 months, and coming back has been an adventure.

TLDR: Despite its flaws, I hope you enjoy the experience of reading what I have written. Because if it is anything, it's an experience (I hope it's a good one).

 **Disclaimer:**

I do not own anything related to Fate/Stay Night or anything else that is referenced (See Shirou's clothing) below in any way, shape, or form.

* * *

 **The Way to the Clocktower's Heart is Through...**

* * *

 **The Clocktower:**

It was official. Rin was scared. Not that she would ever admit it. One never admits to being afraid of a hack of a third rate magus from an unknown family. Even if he was raised by the Magus Killer. And had a growing grasp on thaumaturgy that literally altered reality. And the potential to become one of Gaia's protectors, the counter guardians….Ok. So maybe a little fear was logical... but still. It really rankled Rin to be intimidated by that idiot. Shaking herself out of her inner thoughts she refocused on the large double doors that served as the main entrance to the Clocktower, home of the Mage's Association located deep within the city of London. Steadying herself with another breath Rin checked the large clock face that adorned the higher reaches of the cathedral like entrance hall. Light streamed through stained glass windows and painted the spacious room a myriad of colors, so it took a slight squint to confirm the time. Just before noon. It was almost time.

"I still don't see what all the fuss is about," came a comment from one of her companions, "you refuse to tell us just why Shirou is so dangerous. He can't be that large of a threat. I do know he fought in the Holy Grail War, but that alone doesn't warrant this much preparation. After all," Lord El-Melloi II continued calmly, brushing his straight black hair over his shoulder, "I did the same, and while I am quite skilled, I do not think I could fight off these gathered forces." A gesture to the rest of the room and the various figures positioned there caused the lord's black overcoat to billow dramatically.

 _He should be right_ , thought Rin as she also looked over her temporary allies now that she had convinced them to set aside their normal politics for a time. Many were dressed in formal clothing that would probably not have been out of place in certain museums. Others had on more modern clothing, and a few wore what was clearly combat gear. Not much could out match half a dozen powerful mages, their gathered apprentices, and various other Clocktower members. Rin would have sworn she saw Bazett of the Fraga earlier too, which meant there were probably more enforcers lurking about as well. Even the bi…. Ahem…. Lady Luvia Edelfelt was in attendance, which Rin didn't understand at all given their own rather tumultuous history. And all of that didn't even count Rin's own trump card. An honest to goodness servant, of the heroic spirit variety of course. And not just any servant but King Arthur herself as the strongest saber, standing at Rin's shoulder in a suit.

All of this should have made Rin feel confident, really, it should have. That slight shiver she had just repressed? Clearly a draft across her legs, nothing that would make her give up her customary skirt, stockings, and red sweater. Not fear, nope. Deciding she had better answer one of the few people she considered more than an acquaintance at the Clocktower Rin spoke up.

"He made a promise, and if you believe anything about him, just know that he won't break his word. Ever." This time she failed to stop a slight shudder as she recalled the promise in question. In this very room, the double doors open wide, Shirou had stood firm. The setting sun from outside framing him in light and making it impossible to see more than his silhouette and his glowing golden eyes. That image more than anything reminded Rin of just who Shirou might become. Archer. A terrifying man with near limitless potential. Clenching his fist, Shirou had sworn 'For this there shall be no forgiveness. In one year's time, at noon. I shall return to this place, and bring the Clocktower to its knees.' There had been no heat in his voice, only steel.

"OH HOHOHO!" came the unmistakable laugh of a certain person who Rin found unpleasant. Glancing to her side she saw a grimace on El-Melloi's face as well. "While Sherou is a gentleman like that, I still am eager to see you embarrassed for your overreaction."

Grinding her teeth together Rin bit back a nasty response in favor of a more controlled one, but was interrupted by an imperious voice.

"As much as I find that laugh distasteful, I find myself in agreement with Miss Edelfelt," came the perfectly enunciated words of the Lady Lorelei Barthomeloi, Queen of the Clocktower. Rin froze and didn't even turn as immaculate footsteps clicked across the room through the dead silence. The footsteps stopped just behind Rin and she slowly turned to face the strongest and most influential _human_ magus currently active. Barthomeloi was the picture of poise in black pants and a white jacket as she met met Rin's blue eyes with her brown.

"I find your concern misplaced. After all, this third-rate magus could hardly defeat a heroic spirit miss Tohsaka, let alone me. I find it almost laughably impossible" Rin paled, nobody was supposed to know just what Saber was. They were supposed to assume she was simply an employed servant of the normal variety. She hadn't even taken Saber outside of the apartment more than a few times for Heaven's Feel's sake! Others in the room hid their shock at the revelation with the typical stoicism of magi.

"And do believe, if I find this little gathering has wasted my time," the Queen's eyes narrowed, "I will be _most_ displeased." The threat was clear in her words.

Rin forced herself not to stammer under Barthomeloi's terror inducing gaze.

"But he already beat a servant," she nearly pleaded, "and I've seen him do the supposedly impossible too many times now. Lord El-Melloi, he beat Gilgamesh!" her voice rose as her mounting emotions nearly escaped her grasp. There was hardly time for the former Waver Velvet, who remembered the King of Heroes quite well, to gasp in surprise, before a loud bell rang throughout the room.

BONG!

It was noon.

BONG!

BONG!

The time had come.

BONG!

BONG!

Rin faced the double doors again in preparation as Saber drew forth her hidden blade.

BONG!

BONG!

Slowly, oh so slowly the doors creaked open and sunlight chased the lingering shadows from the room.

BONG!

BONG!

A figure strode into the room.

BONG!

BONG!

As the doors closed and the bright light faded, a figure with red hair that was streaked with white stood before the gathered magi.

BONG!

Shirou Emiya had returned.

* * *

Rin wasn't sure who was the first to chuckle, but she wanted to smack them. This was not a joke! Only Saber and Rin remained wary, the former gripping her invisible sword tighter.

"I have returned," declared Shirou, "I have perfected my craft and will now bring the Clocktower, nay, all of Britain to its knees before me!"

"Yes. I see. Quite the threat." Barthomeloi's tone made the arctic seem pleasantly warm.

Shirou Emiya stood proudly before the assembled might of the Clocktower with his arms crossed. He wore grey pants and navy blue long sleeved shirt with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows. Around his waist was tied a white half apron and upon his brow sat a white bandanna with its ends flapping behind him. His hair was heavily spiked and reminded Rin of Archer. All in all he looked more like he was going to the kitchen than to a showdown with superhuman forces.

In the face of such an out of place sight even Rin began to question her assumptions.

"Bh… huh.. What?" she sputtered.

Undeterred by the attention, Shirou raised his right hand and placed it forward as if pushing against an invisible wall. His left hand came up to brace his right forearm as he looked slightly downwards in concentration. Rin noticed his stance and in a flash of insight and memory knew what was coming. She tried to warm everyone even as she fumbled one of her jewels as she drew it forth.

"Stop laughing and stop him!" her ruby skittered across the floor as Shirou began to speak.

" **I am the bake of my oven."** The words were quiet, yet perfectly audible over all the other sounds in the room.

"He has a reality marble!" Rin yelled desperately. Wait….what had he just said.

" **Flour is my body and milk my blood."** The chant resonated with the very room itself.

This wasn't what Rin remembered Shirou working on. Milk? Flour?

" **I have created over a thousand flavors."** Each word fell upon the room with growing pressure.

Rin's arms dropped weakly to her sides even as some of the others in the room recognized the use of magecraft and actually returned their attention to the intruder.

" **Never once too salty. Never once too dry."** Shirou's voice rose in volume as an unseen force stirred around him making his apron and bandanna float and snap.

Barthomeloi snorted, "That has got to be the most ridiculous aria I have ever heard."

" **Withstood heat to create pastries, waiting for them to brown."** The chant reached a crescendo and a shimmering distortion appeared around Shirou like a heat haze. A few hasty spells seemed to disappear as they neared him. Rin thought the casters were sensible, but was too flabbergasted to enact any of her own abilities.

"Do not mock such a noble art as cooking," scolded Saber even as she readied herself to attack.

" **I have no regrets. I tread a delicious path."** softer now, the strange aria continued with irresistible force.

Even the few who had mustered resistance before were entranced by the strange events before them.

" **I am the chef of…."** Golden eyes rose to challenge the entire assembly as the final words were spoken with perfect certainty. A declaration of fact. A challenge. A promise.

" **Unlimited Scone Works!"**

Fire spread outwards from Shirou and the room was lost in light.

* * *

Rin found herself sitting down, though she didn't remember how that came to be. Around her was a dim haze lit only by a glow on the horizon. What looked like dust swirled through the air and through it she could just barely make out the shapes of others, also seated. And also like her, every other person had a small tea table in front of them. No one spoke, and all that was heard was a distant wind and a dull roar. This was nothing like what she had seen in Archer's reality marble. The one that contained nothing but swords, gears, and regret. Shirou's should have at least been similar. Just what kind of world resided in that distorted fool's mind? And used an aria like THAT.

Suddenly the glow on the horizon burst into a point of searing light as the sun crested the horizon, showing Rin just what kind of world she was now in. Rin gasped in surprise, but suddenly began coughing as she inhaled the floating particles. She quickly realized that it was not dust in the air, but baking flour. It coated the inside of her mouth and forced a sudden coughing fit. The light continued to grow while the distant wind arrived and cleared away the floury haze, revealing the entirety of Shirou's reality marble.

Rin and the other Clocktower members sat upon a dining terrace ringed with elegantly curved railings decorated with delicately worked images of forks and knives. A stone patio supported their feet, tables, and chairs as a view of a gently descending slope greeted their eyes. The slope itself was familiar to Rin, consisting mostly of the cracked and dusty ground she had witnessed before, but in several places grew shrub grass. Glancing around she found Saber at a table just to her left, the petite blonde's face was still in shock but her green eyes shone with curiosity. To Rin's right was Lord El-Melloi II, perfectly still and seemingly in shock.

"Ahem." Came a voice from behind them. Shirou's voice.

Rin and the others all spun in their seats, away from the rolling slope and rising sun, and saw the hill. The hill that in Archer's reality marble was cluttered with innumerable blades, stuck into the soil as if to mark graves. That was not the case within this world. Shirou stood tall, arms crossed, in a wide gap of the terrace's railing at the base of the rise. Stretching behind him and upwards to another horizon was a hill of… ovens? Rin's mind did a double take as her eyes took in the scene. Rising in terraces up from where she sat were limitless ovens from all eras, all alight with heat or flame and producing the great dull roar that remained constant. Brick domes stood next to stainless steel towers. Clay mounds crackled in the shadow of massive wrought iron giants. Simple blocks of metal hummed quietly while elaborate contraptions whizzed and dinged. Rin's eyes followed the hill upwards to its peak and there she glimpsed the sky... Oh sweet root of all creation! The sky!

Hovering above the strange landscape, amidst the clear blue skies, were shapes of incalculable size. Rin's experience said the objects should have been gears, rusted and stained. But they were not. The items shone, polished to an exacting degree. They reflected the blue skies so perfectly that they were nearly indistinguishable from it and each other. The sky was filled with pans, pots, whisks, and more. The arsenal of a kitchen cluttered the sky. Infinite in number and larger than life.

Rin's mind stuttered again, straining under what she was seeing as she came to a realization. The idiot's reality marble wasn't a world of limitless blades like she expected, it was a blue be damned BAKERY! He came to challenge the Clocktower with a supernatural, world bending restaurant? Clearly he was an even bigger dumbass than Rin remembered. This was beyond lunacy, but it was happening anyway. She was a little dizzy. What would Shirou do next? Rin had no idea and really didn't want to know, but there was no stopping him now.

"Now my gathered foes." Intoned Shirou as he gestured towards the seated forces of the Clocktower, "It is time for you all to…."

Rin watched as Shirou spread his arms to the sides and reality twisted. Waist high shapes hazily appearing on the ground all around him. Her mind raced as she tried to decipher what they were and figure out just what he was going to say. Die maybe? The objects were very blockly, seemed to have wheels, and were the same bright silver as the implements floating above. Serving carts?

"...DINE!" finished Shirou with a shout. While she was still trying to figure out what was going on the word registered with Rin. Without consulting her Rin's mind decided that enough was enough. Reality, or rather Shirou's reality, didn't make sense and so Rin's brain decided to quit for the time being. Rin blacked out.

* * *

"..aste…" Rin vaguely registered a voice.

"Ma..ter" A little more clearly the voice pierced the darkness.

The blackness slowly receded as Rin blinked her eyes and let her brain reboot itself. What a strange dream. Shirou having a reality marble based around cooking. What nonsense. She cradled her aching head in her hands.

"Rin." again came the voice of Rin's servant, Saber. A nonsensical grunt was Rin's reply. She never had been a morning person. Wearily Rin realized she was sitting, not lying down and raised her head to ask Saber what was going on. She blinked at what she saw. A terrace. A blue sky. No. Nononono. NO.

"Did you hear what I said, Master?" Rin heard the whole question but was having trouble getting over the fact that reality was still broken. She still sat at a single person table of wrought metal and the endless ovens still smoked and steamed. Sitting next to her though, and next to every other table, was an uncovered serving cart. Upon the cart were plates of scones. Scones of all flavors: orange, raspberry, blackberry, and more. In addition to the pastries were helpings of creams and jams as toppings. Sitting unobtrusively alongside the divine seeming baked goods was a small steaming cup of tea. As the sight sank in, and Rin finally began to accept what was happening, she automatically replied to Saber.

"No, I'm sorry." was all she could manage as her mind began to catch up to everything that was happening. As her higher functions returned Rin noticed something other than just what she was seeing. The smell. The SMELL! Assaulting her nose was the most heavenly of scents. A warm fragrance that spoke of heat and fruit and more. It spoke of dreams and hope.

"No Rin, I was apologizing to you."

What.

"I regret that I can no longer fight by your side in this matter."

But wasn't Saber a knight, sworn to chivalry. She wouldn't do this.

"I will not raise a hand against someone who has mastered a craft of Britain to this degree."

Then again, the King of Knights did always have a weakness in the form of her stomach. Ignoring the smell Rin truly looked at her servant for the first time since awakening. The tray next to her was nearly empty, and crumbs dotted her armor and the area around her. A few strands of hair stood off of Saber's head and seemed to be moving happily.

"I must agree. These are impressive." the cultured voice of Lorelei Barthomeloi input. Rin spun her head to see the Queen daintily eating a scone of her own. A few strands of hair had escaped the woman's severe bun and she seemed to have an air of relaxation.

"Yesh, most delishosh!" was the boisterous cry of Luvia Edelfelt as she continued to cram pastries into her mouth. The sight was also being repeated by many of the other seated 'guests'. In fact it appeared as if everyone was focused on consuming the food before them.

"Most uncouth." replied Barthomeloi, eying the blond magus as she raised her teacup to sip it. She delicately raised her pinky as she drank.

Rin felt her mind threaten to bail on her again and looked for anything sane to hang on to. Her eyes passed over a maniacally grinning Shirou and eventually settled on the only composed figure she could see.

Lord El Melloi II's normally imposing black attire seemed washed out in the bright light of Unlimited Scone Works. Yet Rin saw that he was the only person besides herself who had not touched the magical food presented before them. His normally expressionless face seemed caught between disappointment and a kind of awe. Noticing Rin's attention he spoke to her.

"So… He beat Gilgamesh by baking at him?" he quirked an eyebrow.

Rin's shoulders fell in defeat. There was no victory to be had here. Her was voice heavy and toneless as she replied.

"Well he had swords at the time," she sighed, "but apparently scones were more important."

"I see. And just why did he swear vengeance?" his voice was light and expressed little interest.

"I think the head of Spiritual Evocation said his tea was merely 'acceptable'."

"ah."

"yep."

"..."

"..."

The two watched in silence as the rest of the crowd spontaneously rose to their feet. Saber led them towards Shirou, flanked by Barthomeloi and Edelfelt. What were they doing? As the gathered mages reached Shirou, Saber was the first to bend her knee. Rin froze, eyes blank as she watched the fulfillment of Shirou's oath. The King of Knights, and all the gathered members of the Clocktower, knelt and paid homage to the King of Scones.

* * *

A real quick stat block that is kinda empty. Just because I can:

 **Name:** Unlimited Scone Works (Limitless Creation of Pastries)

 **Owner:** Shirou Emiya

 **Type:** Anti-Hunger Phantasm

 **Rank:** EX

 **Range:**?

 **Maximum Targets:** ?

As it turns out. The way to the Clocktower's heart is through its stomach.


	2. Chapter 2: Some Time Later

**Author's Musings:**

Yeah, I originally thought this was just going to be a oneshot. HA. My brain had other ideas and now I'm publishing this and have ideas for like 3 more chapters. No promises on the timeline for those though. Also, don't expect much in the way of overarching story, I'm just having fun with this. I am enamored with what I now call Baker! Shirou.

I figure its important that I mention this as well: Shirou does not come from one of the three official Fate/Stay Night routes. His background probably resembles Unlimited Blade Works the most, but really there are only three things that need to have happened to him. One: Shirou fights Archer. Two: Rin becomes Saber's master. Three: Shirou beats Gilgamesh. That's it so far, I may play it fast and loose with his past later though.

As far as this chapter goes, I apologize for it being somewhat more serious. I wanted to explore the powers of Baker! Shirou a bit more so I wrote this. Expect this to become silly again in later events. The phrase "This body is made of scones" will definitely come up (A big thanks to jordanlink7856 for pointing it out to me in the first place. I can't believe I missed it).

Anyway that's enough from me. Let me know what could use work or what you really liked. Enjoy!

 **Disclaimer:**

I do not own anything related to Fate/Stay Night or anything else that is referenced below in any way, shape, or form.

* * *

 **The Clocktower: Some Time Later**

Rin didn't particularly like visiting the Clocktower cafeteria these days. It was far too reminiscent of some sort of temple rather than just a place to eat. But in the name of research she would just have to deal with it, even if it did put her in a bad mood. Without making eye contact with anyone Rin strode through the crowded room and weaved between the austere wooden tables. She carefully didn't look at the absurdly long line of people headed towards the serving window and special attention was paid to ignoring how each person kneeled and seemed to say a short prayer before taking one of the offered plates. Since she was ignoring the people in the room, she was unfortunate enough to notice that another statue had been installed. It was of Shirou in an apron pointing forward with a wooden spoon. Again. Rin rolled her eyes, how original.

The candles were also a pain and did nothing to improve Rin's mood. The light was spotty at best and

"Son of a.." Rin did her best to muffle her curse as she quickly stumbled the rest of the way to the kitchen access door. She did not look back despite her growing irritation. She really did not want to know who she had almost tripped over as they bowed low towards the kitchen. Opening the door as far as she dared Rin slipped inside and let the door shut before she let out a sigh of relief. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and let the heavenly aromas wash over her. It helped. A little. The sounds followed soon after and she recognized the familiar rushing noise of many ovens working at full power simultaneously and the clatter of pans being rapidly arranged. Regathering her will Rin opened her eyes again.

Contrary to the atmospheric and dim cafeteria, the kitchen was awash in bright light that reflected off the many shiny surfaces. Only stainless _steel_ would do here apparently. A dusting of flour drifted through the air and Rin forcibly repressed any memories that tried to come forward as she noticed it. She did the same thing when she noticed the hodge podge of ovens at the back of the spacious room. Old and new alike, the appliances, or even structures, blazed with heat that did not seem to effect the figure working tirelessly in front of them.

"Only you, Shirou," She called out.

"Hmm," came the reply as Shirou looked up from the dough he was kneading. He was clad in his now customary clothing consisting of grey pants, navy blue shirt, and white half apron. A white bandana, its ends flapping in a nonexistent wind, completed the ensemble. Scattered on the counter around him were bowls full baking ingredients like flour, sugar, milk, and various fruits.

"Only you would _actually_ bake for everyone in the Clocktower when you could easily just wave your hand and be done with it." Rin smirked a bit before adding to herself in a mutter, "stupid, rule breaking pastries."

Shirou frowned at the statement.

"But I don't want to serve my…. Guests ...faked food," he said using the slang word for objects duplicated with thaumaturgy, "It's not the same Rin," the red haired magus shook his head and smiled, "it also has the added benefit of being much more relaxing this way. Did you know people have started asking for my advice on matters now? Or even my blessing. It's a little unnerving and this helps me unwind." The smile never faltered even as Shirou spoke such an absurd statement. All the while his hands continued to knead.

"You do seem much calmer than when you got back," Mentally, Rin questioned Shirou's usage of the word guests. She wasn't sure that it adequately described the legions of fanatical devotees flocking to Shirou. Rin forced the thoughts away and tried not to think about it. It was better for her sanity that way, but she did have one question...

"But what about when you first came back? You had no problem with serving 'faked' food when we were in your reality marble."

Shirou nodded at her question while absentmindedly reaching for a bowl of blueberries and working them into his dough.

"Well when I do _that_ everyone is in my world. And there, inside my soul, those pastries are just as real as the ones I make here." A gesture to some cooling scones on a counter across the room accompanied his words. It made a twisted kind of sense to Rin and she laughed bitterly to herself. Shirou looked up, worried.

"Is something wrong Rin?"

Several answers to that question flickered through Rin's mind. There were many things wrong.

"Not really, I'm just realizing that I find the man with a perception of reality so skewed he can alter the world easier to deal with and more reasonable than his fan club. It does not bode well for my sanity."

"Well," began shirou as a knife materialized in his hand, "I always thought you were at least a bit crazy." He swiftly cut the dough into triangles and transferred them to a baking sheet that formed itself out of prana.

"Shirrrrou," Rin ground out, her rage building.

"I mean why else would you choose to help someone like me through the war when I didn't even help you first?" Rin felt her anger deflate. He still hadn't changed. It was sometimes hard to notice, and was covered up well, but Shirou wasn't normal. His sense of self worth was largely nonexistent and other than a few instances, such as his return to the Clocktower, and he never seemed proud of anything except his cooking.

"Oh you hopeless idiot. And what do you mean by..." Wait. Had she just used idiot as term of endearment? Rin felt her face begin to flush. She was NOT attracted to that idiot. Quick, quick gotta cover it up! Putting her one hand on her hip and pointing at Shirou with the other Rin raised her voice.

"A-And what do you mean by 'someone like me'!" Unperturbed by her sudden outburst Shirou opened one of the ovens behind him and, barehanded, pulled out a tray of perfectly browned scones before inserting the tray of fresh dough.

"We've had this argument before Rin. I'm not worth worrying over." Rin hesitated, her emotions warring, but Shirou continued in the meantime, "more importantly, what do you need? I know you avoid the cafeteria these days." Rin's pride and practicality won out over her concern, so she let the topic drop in favor of her goal. She had plenty of time to work on Shirou's issues, but right now there was something she needed.

"I would like one of your scones." at her statement, Shirou's smile grew impossibly wide. The whole room brightened in response.

"Really?! What flavor! I'll make it fresh!" he rapidly started shuffling his ingredients and cleaning his work station. Rin sighed.

"To use your words, we have had this argument before. There is no way I'm eating one of your mind control scones. I rather like my brain. Thank you very much."

"They are not 'mind control' scones! I'm just a good cook and they make people happy." In a rare display of intense emotion Shirou's clenched hands were nearly white. Well at least he had some pride in his cooking it seemed, but an angry Shirou was an uncooperative Shirou.

"Stop. Just stop," Rin rubbed the bridge of her nose as Shirou's hands slowly loosened, "I know you want me to try your baking, but I don't want to bias my research." Rin kept telling herself that was the real reason, not fear. Definitely not, "can you just project me one for study. Please." She pulled a small wooden box covered in runes from her red overcoat.

"You sure I can't convince you to try one?" He indicated the cooling scones he had just removed from the oven, "these are apple cinnamon! A crowd favorite."

"Shirou. Scone. Now." Rin opened the runed container and held it out towards the target of her fierce glare.

"Yes ma'am." Shirou replied a little meekly while absentmindedly rubbing the back of his head. WIth a brief blue glow a perfectly formed, still steaming scone appeared in the box. She quickly closed and sealed it. Mission accomplished.

"Have you made any progress with your examinations? I heard you mention something about 'rule breaking' earlier and I never have been super fond of that word combination," His grimace at past events didn't last long as Shirou collected some plates from the 'return' window that led to the cafeteria and headed towards the large bank of sinks.

"Bad memories aside, your pastry projections, or tracings I suppose, don't follow the usual rules or make much sense. I have discovered a couple interesting phenomena, but I still don't know why they happen. Your description of tracing as opposed to projection doesn't cover it. Recreating the entirety of an item's history and properties, as opposed to just its form, would not cause what I have observed to happen." Rin let out a grunt of frustration, "it is vexing."

"I'm sure you will figure it out eventually. You are a much better magus than I am after all. Issues aside, what is so 'interesting' as you put it. Sometimes I get nervous when you use that word." Shirou was now elbow deep in sudsy water.

Rin smirked at the compliment and answered, much of her usual confidence finally surfacing now that the topic had shifted to something much more to her liking. She could only take so much of Shirou's special insanity in a day, and showing off her own intelligence was always a mood lifter.

"Very well. I suppose I'll explain some of your own mysteries to you. Or at least what I have been able to glean about them."

Despite her haughty tone Shirou smiled. Rin saw it and _knew_ he had set this opportunity up to help make her feel better. She didn't like being manipulated, but the root be damned if she wasn't going to take advantage of it anyway. It just went to show he was actually really nice…. Considerate too…. And not bad looking….. _Focus Rin, resist the urge to throw anything at him. This is not the time and he is not cute. At all._ Clutching her magical scone container to stop herself from doing anything else with her hands, Rin fought down a blush and continued as best she was able. Hopefully Shirou would be too dense to notice anything amiss.

"My discoveries so far can really be lumped under two general areas. The first relates to how all projections are temporary as the world itself recognizes them as unnatural and works to break them down. Your tracing may last longer than standard projection, but it still adheres to this principle. Your scones do as well, but not in the normal way. From what I have been able to tell, it is not the world rejecting them that causes them to vanish over time. In fact, they appear to be perfect in just about every way and should last nearly indefinitely since the world isn't interfering, but without fail they dissipate after a day or two. I just don't get it!"

Rin tucked her runic box away, abandoned her lecturing pose, threw her arms up and gave herself over to her rant. She would feel sooo much better after venting and bragging about what she had found so far. Even if it did show that she hadn't figured out _everything_. She even started pacing just to get into the mood.

"Not that projections lasting over a day isn't already impressive. Normally they don't even last half that long. It's just with the prana structure, stability, and form that your scones have they are essentially indistinguishable from the ones you actually bake. Only someone like you could make a mystery nearly perfect and have it fail anyway." Fully prepared to continue Rin glanced over at Shirou who was watching with an innocent smile and a hint of…apprehension. hmmm. He _knew_ something.

"What is it Shirou? Is there something you want to tell me?" Rin's voice was very calm. Extra calm even, "Do you know something that you neglected to tell me when you said I could study your magecraft? Hmmm?" Shirou seemed nervous for some reason.

"W-well it's not that I know anything for sure, but after listening to you I think you might have been a little too focused on magical explanations."

"And what does that mean?" Her tone was not accusatory. Not at all.

"Rin, um," Shirou seemed to be trying to find the right words, "What happens to real food after a little bit of time?"

"..."

"You ok Rin?"

"It can't be that simple." At this point Rin wasn't even mad, she was just disappointed in herself and a little bit in denial. Or a lot in denial, "Do you really think your magical scones are _spoiling_?!"

"You did say they were remarkably well made, and tracing does replicate as much of the original object as possible."

Setting aside her incredulity, Rin tried to think logically for a moment. There were implications here she was sure of it. If the scones actually were faking reality more than she initially thought possible then it could explain a great deal of things. In fact….

"That just might be it!" this could be a major breakthrough.

"Soooo," Shirou began delicately, "you think I'm right?"

 _Count yourself lucky Shirou, I don't care how this came about and I'm going to ignore that last question. I have no time to be petty for you making me feel stupid! This I have to study!_

"If your scones actually achieve such a level of realism despite being projections," Rin voice sped up, excitement clear in her voice, " it could lead to a whole new area of magecraft even above tracing! Prana created items that the world doesn't detect as inconsistencies. That's practically a true magic in and of itself! It could be intent based or some other inherent feature. Perhaps in the prana matrices themselves. Hmmm..."

Rin devolved into muttering ideas to herself as one hand unconsciously raised itself to her chin before her other supported it at the elbow. Shirou just kept washing the dishes, occasionally sending an amused and happy smile towards the occupied magus. Rin was in serious research mode so he knew what to expect. He didn't even flinch at the next outburst.

"AND IT ALSO EXPLAINS WHY THEY WORK AS PRANA TRANSFER MEDIUMS!"

A deep breath later Rin continued at a reduced volume.

"That was the other problem I was working on. I mean bodies normally reject any foreign prana unless certain criteria are met," Rin blushed slightly at her own memories of how she met those 'criteria', "but if the scones are this real and are backed with the intent of 'food' then it makes some sense that people can receive prana when they eat them. The body might not reject foreign mana if it has that strong of a beneficial intent behind it. I must run more experiments."

Shirou perked up in interest.

"I thought you never ate any scones? How did you discover the mana transferring properties?"

Rin gave Shirou a look that implied some things about his intelligence or lack thereof.

"I studied someone else as they ate one. Obviously. Wasn't hard to find a volunteer. And don't look so hopeful, I am still not going to try one."

"But Rin…" Did Shirou just whine?

"Mind control Shirou, mind control." For a second it seemed Shirou was about to say something else, but he ended up just shaking his head, "Well thank you for the scone Shirou, I'm off to _experiment_ now," Rin repressed the urge to laugh evilly. Soon she would crack this mystery wide open. A slight laugh, that only an ungracious person would call a cackle, did escape Rin's lips as she walked towards the exit of the kitchen. The not-cackle died in the next moment as Rin opened the door and gazed out into the dim cafeteria.

"Shirou, why are Saber and some others setting up a stage at the far end of the room?" the words were just a little incredulous.

"Oh. Is that today?" Shirou poked his head around the side of the door next to Rin. He ignored the whispers and worshipful glances his appearance caused.

"Is _what_ today."

"My double knighting."

"Ah." Rin deadpanned.

"Well Saber took some of my scones to the current royal family and they wanted to reward me. And Saber herself is a king so…." Rin let the door to the cafeteria door slam shut, barely missing Shirou's head.

"I don't suppose there is a back exit to the kitchen," Rin inquired politely. There was no way she was risking getting caught up in any of _that_.

"Well not really,"

Stepping back further into the kitchen Rin made her decision.

"Guess I'll just have to make one then," Rin's arm began to glow as she fed power into her thaumaturgical crest and energy coalesced around her fist.

"No Rin! My kitchen!"

* * *

 **An Alternate Universe: Fuyuki City**

It was official. Shirou was scared. And he would totally admit it. By chance he had stayed late at school and happened to see a red and blue blur that was a fight between guys that were definitely NOT human. If he had to guess it had something to do with magi, but he really didn't know enough about that to be sure. He really should have pressed Dad harder about that stuff.

The figures had seen Shirou while he was surprised and tried to kill him. And Shirou was pretty sure the guy in blue had succeeded. There was a disturbing gap in his memory right after a flash of pain and the sound of a train. Plus the bloody spot on his chest hurt a lot and was disturbingly close to his heart. Now, despite such events, he was home and had an unexpected guest chasing him out into the hallway.

"C'mon kid, make this easier on yourself and stop running,"

Maybe if he made it to the shed he could grab something better to use as a weapon than the reinforced poster he was holding. Shirou threw himself sideways, leading with his shoulder as he crashed through one of the floor to ceiling windows that looked over his backyard. Behind him he heard the movements of his attacker entering the hallway. Ignoring what few cuts the glass had caused, Shirou sprung to his feet and sprinted across the yard. Or tried to at least. A leg that felt more like an iron bar caught him in the midsection after only two steps.

With a resounding crash Shirou flew through the doors of the large shed that doubled as his workshop and landed in a heap. Through the pain he was glad to note that he had reached his objective even if being on the floor didn't put him in any position to find a weapon. The looming figure with blue hair and a blue bodysuit was something else he noted and the blood red spear was looking almost hungry. With little warning Shirou's assailant lunged forward at extreme speeds, his spear extended. Unrolling the poster still clutched in his hands Shirou held it up as an improvised shield and poured as much prana into reinforcing it as he could. Pain flared along his constructed magic circuit but her shoved it away as best he could.

The poster held for a fraction of a second before failing spectacularly and shredding itself. The spearman twirled his weapon expertly through the drifting scraps before resting it on his shoulder.

"Now that was kinda surprising," He leaned over Shirou and leered down at him, "definitely some magic there. Faint. But there. Maybe you were meant to be the seventh. Ah, not that it matters now. Nothin personal kid," The red spear came off his shoulder and light glinted off it as he swung it into line with Shirou's heart.

Time slowed for Shirou as death came for him in the guise of a blue clad spearman. _I was saved. Twice now I was saved. I know my path. I can't die here. I will be a HERO! I won't die at the hands of someone like this!_ The grail heard his wish. The grail responded. Shirou clenched his left fist as red marks carved themselves upon it in a flash of pain. To the side a forgotten thaumaturgical circle flared to life in brilliant blue.

"What!" cried Shirou's would be killer as he pulled his spear back in defense, "the seventh servant!?"

In a blur of blue and white a figure interposed itself between Shirou and his attacker. Something bright silver shone and was swung with force at the panicking lancer. The blow was caught on the man's cursed spear, but the sheer power behind it threw him clear of the shed and stirred up a blast of wind. Shirou raised his hand to shield his eyes from the dust and squinted to get a better view of who his latest savior was.

It was a man. A white half apron and bandana billowed dramatically in the wake of such a powerful blow. A polished baking sheet, held in the man's hand, reflected the brilliant light of the moon. Silver hair graced his head and his skin, what wasn't covered by grey pants and a long sleeved navy shirt, was weathered and tan.

The man turned and Shirou saw, despite the hair and skin tone differences, his own face framed by moonlight. His double smiled and said,

"I am servant Baker. Upon my summoning I have answered. I ask of thee," here Shirou's silver haired twin let out a fierce grin, his teeth bright against the shadows on his body,

"Are you my master?"


	3. Chapter 3: Rival Arrival

**Author's Musings:**

Well I seem to be sticking to a weekly update schedule or so. Although this might end up being published just after midnight so that's technically not a week (update: yeah I missed it by a few minutes). Oh well. Still have more ideas to write about so expect more. This story seems to be developing into something with actual story events since every scenario I concoct just expands as I write it. I did not expect that to happen when I conceived this idea. Hopefully you enjoy the ride as much as I do.

I would like to note something about the mechanics of Fate/Stay Night. While I consider myself fairly well versed on how things work, I am not perfect. I will attempt to fill in any knowledge gaps I have using the internet, but I can't promise anything. I may also make a few tweaks to better fit how the story is flowing. For example, last chapter Rin mentioned that non degrading projections are practically a true magic. Technically this is not true since you could easily duplicate an item and not have it dissolve using technology. My personal opinion is that Tracing is a lot closer to sorcery than people give it credit for. The item creation may not qualify, but the recreation of an item's history so that it can be used with the skill of its previous owners seems close to me. I digress.

In response to some reviews:

UnknownValor: The alternate universe section is not going to be a separate fic, those sections will appear intermixed in this one as I come up with them. It's basically the story of future Baker! Shirou being summoned into the fifth war. As for Archer... you will see.

Ideagetthe: sou-chef will now eventually make an appearance in this fic. Thank you for the idea!

I know some of you wanted a fight earlier, so I tried to write one. Let me know how my first attempt at it went.

As always, let me know what could use work or what you really liked. Enjoy!

 **Disclaimer:**

I do not own anything related to Fate/Stay Night or anything else that is referenced below in any way, shape, or form.

* * *

 **The Clocktower: Even More Time Later**

Rin always enjoyed lecturing Shirou. He wasn't sure why, but he wouldn't begrudge one of the most talented magi of their generation, who also happened to be his friend, a little cheer. He was totally not letting her do it because he liked her or anything.

"Focus Shirou. Remember to channel the proper intent into it."

"I know," groused Shirou, covered in sweat and hand outstretched, "thanks for the reminder," the last word was nearly a gasp and in a glimmer of blue light he was finished. Exhausted, his posture slumped and his arm came back to grip his bandana, which he moved up and down to wipe the sweat off his face. It made him feel better but did little to help with his flushed skin and still warm magic circuits.

"Hmmmm. Not bad. Visually it certainly is up to your usual standards," Rin was busy examining the results of his hard work. As part of her ongoing research Shirou was assisting Rin in seeing if his near perfect projection could be applied to objects other than food. She surmised that since the world didn't break down any food he made, it might be possible to make other things with the same properties. It wasn't going so well. Not that there wasn't progress since he was certainly getting better at tracing non-food items, but they didn't carry over any of the properties that made his food, and especially pastries, so special.

Shirou stood up, staggered slightly due to a head rush, and also examined what Rin now held in her hand. It was a block of unremarkable wood the color of a browned scone. Rin had determined that it might help the process if as many variables as possible were the same, hence the color and the fact that the wood was in the shape of a scone as well. If one looked closely there were even bumps that alluded to fruit beneath the surface and small cracks that would have formed during the baking process.

"Exquisitely detailed, but let's get to the real test. _Strukturanalyse_." Despite there being no visual cues whatsoever, Shirou had a good idea of what was happening in Rin's mind as her eyes unfocused. As someone who used structural analysis almost unconsciously he was familiar with the sensation of being able to sense the composition of objects, the level of detail depending on how skilled the caster was. Waiting patiently for Rin to process the information she was receiving gave Shirou time to look around the room that he was currently in. While he had been there before he hadn't had a chance to see if anything had changed. Rin had practically dragged him in and 'asked' him to start tracing before he got his bearings.

Rin's small lab looked much like it usually did, cluttered and organized at the same time. Each individual portion of the room was meticulously clean and ordered. Everything was in its own place with nothing out of line, but the sheer volume of materials, books, workstations, tools, specimens, etcetera, was more than the room could comfortably handle. The gemstone shaping table butted up against and was overshadowed by one of the massive bookcases, which were all overflowing with tomes and scrolls. Display cases full of gems shared space with locked chests full of miscellaneous materials that might be needed for future projects. A few small owls, carved perfectly from amethyst, Rin's familiars, perched wherever they could find purchase on the other odds and ends throughout the room. The only exception to the packed room was the center where Rin and Shirou stood. Carved on the floor was an intricate formalcraft circle to prevent the interference of external prana sources. A must for magical experimentation.

Most normal people would see the room as needlessly full. A cramped storage space at best. Most magi would scoff at the use of such a small room. They would look down on anyone who was unable to even afford a 'modestly' sized workshop. To Shirou it spoke highly of Rin's dedication to her craft and drive to grasp anything that might be remotely useful to her at some point. The sheer number of topics pursued by the raven haired magus was astounding, and was supported by her status as an 'average one', or someone with an affinity for all five of the standard elements: Fire, water, air, earth, and ether. There really wasn't a branch of thaumaturgy that Rin couldn't gain at least some proficiency in, and she was taking full advantage of it. Unlike Shirou, whose element had been 'sword' and was now something else that was equally as specialized. He could barely use any thaumaturgy at all.

So, all in all, Shirou would never make a disparaging comment regarding Rin's accommodations or research avenues within the Clocktower. He had far too much respect for her to do anything so crude…. That and she had thrown one of her owls at him when he suggested getting her a larger space using his influence.

Shirou stopped mulling over Rin's behavior and obsessi… dedicated studying habits (he really wasn't in any position to lecture about obsessiveness as he had been busy planning what he was going to make everyone for lunch all morning) and stepped closer to Rin to get a better look at the wooden scone. Their shoulders bumped lightly and Rin twitched at the contact, slowly blinking and coming out of her structural analysis of the fake pastry. Or rather fake, fake pastry.

She looked up at Shirou and seemed startled by his proximity, her face was red too. Maybe he wasn't the only one who was pushing his magic circuits hard at the moment. But she wasn't doing anything too prana intensive, so her still reddening face didn't make much sense to Shirou.

Rin abruptly stepped away and held up the food facsimile between them like some sort of barrier. If a few inch wide block of wood counted as a barrier of any kind.

"I-I-It's still suffering degradation you dolt!" she stuttered at him. Why was she always mad when things didn't go right? Shirou gave a sigh, the sigh of one used to his lot in life, and _looked_ at his projection again, but this time analyzing it with structural grasp. It didn't show on her face, but Shirou knew Rin resented him at least a little for being able to do so without touching the item, even if it was very basic thaumaturgy. Ignoring the data about wood composition, moisture content, and even molecular distribution Shirou focused on the prana arrangement of his creation. Rin was right as usual, around the edges the stability of the object was beginning fray and unravel. Eventually the whole thing would collapse into prana again. Shirou thought back to the tracing process.

"I am having a hard time keeping the proper intent Rin." he stated calmly. Rin composed herself and gestured at Shirou with the wooden scone, her other hand going to her hip.

"I don't see why you are having trouble with it. You are extremely thick headed when you set your mind to something. It should be easy. Just intend for it to be food so that it forms with near perfection, but also keep in mind that it isn't food and won't spoil. That way it doesn't vanish in a day or two anyway," Rin scolded him like a child as if she hadn't said the same thing after the last four experiments.

"I might be distorted Rin, but I can still see that believing something is food and isn't food at the same time might be a bit… difficult," Rin's face scrunched into an odd expression containing irritation, exasperation, and…. Was that concern? Shirou continued despite his confusion, "I thought we were making more progress with the pudding."

One of Rin's earlier ideas had been to create a food item that contained an extractable non-food material. Upon creation the non-food could be separated out and hopefully retain the right mix of properties. The plan had been to remove water from the more liquid pudding and see what happened. The results had not been pretty and they still didn't know why. Pseudo permanent pudding was tough to remove from all sorts of things, especially when propelled by explosive decomposition. Problems aside, if the duration of the stains were anything to go by, the pudding had been more successful than this last test.

"I thought I told you never to mention that….ever," Rin's response was icy, but she suddenly adopted a much different look. After what seemed like an internal struggle, the woman began tapping her chin looking almost…. Mischievous. That didn't bode well for Shirou.

"Unless you just wanted to see me take off my sweater again?," teased Rin. Now that, Shirou had not been expecting. She was usually much more reserved or angry around him. Not this.

"Uhhhhh." It wasn't like he hadn't seen Rin without… well _anything_ on before, but he had learned enough not to point that out. Besides that had been an act of necessity during a life or death battle, even if he did kinda like Rin. Topics like that were dangerous and could likely set off the often confusing magus. He could always say something about how good she looked, but Shirou didn't think Rin thought about him in the same light. He was a friend and a puzzling experiment to be solved in her mind for sure. So what should he say?

* * *

Rin was ever so glad she had managed to throw off any embarrassment at Shirou's mention of the pudding incident. It had taken some effort, but the result was satisfying. Now what would Shirou say? It was bound to be interesting.

Shirou was saved from having to answer by a knock on the workshop's door.

"Who is it!" Shirou grasped onto salvation as hard as he could. Rin was disappointed.

The door swung open and one of the apprentices who usually ran messages around the Clocktower poked his head into the room.

"Sir Sir Emiya, Lady Tohsaka, I am sorry for the intrusion, but it's nearly noon. People are beginning to gather for lunch," the scrawny man, boy really, wiped a bit of drool from the corner of his mouth.

"Thank you for the reminder. I must get to the kitchen," Shirou smiled honestly. The kitchen was so much less confusing than beautiful women.

"Ah. Ah. Shirou. We aren't finished here yet," Rin arched an eyebrow, "you can't just leave until I let you."

"I/He can't?" came the reply in stereo. The two males looked at each other then back at Rin who had crossed her arms and was tapping her foot.

"Now Rin," came a new voice, one that had Rin paling, "you can't keep a man from his most important duties," An aged pinky curled around the doorframe, followed by three more digits of equal age. Rin's stance wavered, "in fact," another pinky appeared, "I must insist," the rest of the second hand wrapped around the frame, "that," A head of short, spiked, and unruly grey-white hair, with a full beard too, popped sideways into view, "he get back in the kitchen!" finished the Wizard Marshal Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg with an exuberant laugh that had Rin wincing.

The grandfatherly 'man' didn't so much move into the room as flow, pulling his obviously unneeded straight cane from somewhere within his dark mantle. Underneath the mantle, which was held on his shoulders by golden cords, was a dull shirt with white trim and black slacks. Rin noticed that the messenger behind the 'man' had mysteriously disappeared. She was unsure if that was because he saw the sense in running from Zelretch, or because the Wizard Marshal had done something to him. You could never be sure with Zelretch.

The messenger issue was a minor one in the grand scheme of things and took a backseat to Rin's more pressing issue. What to do now that Zelretch was here. In her workshop. Looking quite happy. She had been trying to avoid him while she thought about the offer he had given her a few weeks ago.

The magus in her was exuberant at the chance to study under one of the few remaining true magicians, or sorcerers as they were sometimes called. Especially since her family had already inherited some tutelage from him. It was any aspiring thaumaturgists dream to be given the chance to learn true magic, which was thaumaturgy that couldn't be duplicated by other means such as technology.

But… she had some reservations. First, he wasn't actually a man, but an apostle ancestor. A member of the aristocratic elite of the bloodsucking dead apostles, commonly called vampires. Not that he went around eating people all the time, but the crimson eyes were a little off-putting and his kind was not exactly well thought of (more hated, feared, and killed really). Second, his apprentices had a bad habit of ending up maimed, either physically or mentally. Or they just disappeared altogether. Not something she wanted to happen to herself. And third, the man was even crazier than Shirou.

After thinking about it, Rin decided she should probably switch the first and third reasons with each other.

Shirou, completely oblivious to Rin's thoughts, and just how serious the situation in general was (at least in Rin's opinion) spoke first.

"Ah hello Zel, what brings you here?" Rin went from slightly off-balance to panicked, then immediately onward to terrified before circling right back around to being calm.

"Shirou, did you just call one of the most powerful beings on the planet by a nickname?" This was an important question.

"He asked me to. It's only polite,"

Rin didn't know what to say to that. Her mouth opened and closed several times before Zelretch let out a chuckle while twirling his cane, more a long rod capped with a spherical red gem, absentmindedly. His eyes were twinkling with mirth, although how blood red eyes could do so was a mystery to Rin.

"I'm flattered you think so highly of me Rin,"

Suddenly, after having seemed to disappear, Zelretch was at Rin's shoulder and threw an arm companionably around the shorter magus's shoulders.

"But you could also call me Zel if you want," Rin froze. She wasn't certain if it was fear, surprise, simple discomfort, or some combination of the three that caused it. No matter the source of her actions, it was a fact that she was actually touching an unpredictable vampire who had a penchant for practical jokes and was backed up by near infinite power. Not to mention that Zelretch had an _unconventional_ sense of humor, which meant his 'practical jokes' might not leave people intact.

Zelretch completely ignored Rin's imitation of a statue.

"But back to business. I stopped in to let you know I'd be here for lunch today." he gave Shirou a meaningful look and the undisputed master of the Clocktower kitchens perked up.

"Of course Zel. You would like your usual then?" Shirou smiled brightly.

"If it wouldn't be too much trouble. I'll be down to pick it up in a bit. Just have to finish my conversation here," Zelretch replied as his arm tightened around Rin to indicate what he meant.

"I'll keep it warm then," drifted back into the room as Shirou vanished at speeds he could only reach when he was on the way to the kitchen. Rin kept her thoughts of vengeance on Shirou for abandoning her to herself, but managed to find her voice.

"But you don't eat normal food…" was the first thing that came to mind that Rin could actually say. It was shaky, but she didn't stutter.

"Ah well you already know how special his cooking is. As for the rest about me. That," he leaned in close to Rin's ear and she felt his beard brushing against her head as he whispered, "is a secret." Still not releasing his grip around her shoulders Zelretch leaned back and laughed. Rin's angry glare went ignored or unnoticed.

"Since you seem to be functioning again my dear. Perhaps you have given some thought to my offer? It won't stay open forever you know. Just imagine it though. Learning the secrets of every universe. Limitless power and potential. Drama. Intrigue. Danger. Adventure." he swept the arm that wasn't around Rin, cane included, in a gesture around the room, as if indicating something that wasn't there, "all could be yours if you could master the Kaleidoscope."

Rin heard the capital K and admitted to herself that it was still, and probably always would be, an extremely tempting offer. Zelretch's personal true magic, the Kaleidoscope, was the operation of parallel worlds. Meaning he could travel between alternate universes, transfer power or knowledge between them, or simple do pretty much anything he wanted within the multiverse. It was far from unlimited power, but he had access to pretty much all information ever, and could generate the raw power to be able to utilize just about anything he could learn. While age and other factors had slowed Zelretch somewhat, according to rumors at least, he still was far beyond anything else that could be encountered at the Clocktower, servants included.

Forcing down the last of her fear Rin ducked away from the sorcerer, reasoning that he wouldn't _directly_ hurt a prospective student.

"While I am flattered by you offer, that's a pretty big 'if'," and it was. True magic was absurdly rare for more reasons than there only being five known magics remaining, "I have yet to decide on my path," it was at best a noncommittal answer.

"Understandable, but they all say yes eventually." Zelretch folded both his hands over the top of his cane as he set it against the floor, "in light of that, let me offer you an early lesson."

Rin considered herself intelligent, and so said nothing. It would be the height of folly to refuse a freely offered lesson. Even if the context was a bit ominous.

"When doing anything. From living, to cooking, to courting, to studying the Kaleidoscope. Unexpected things can happen. WHEN they happen, and they will, there is one response that is best," the vampire looked at Rin expectantly.

"And what is that?" she obliged.

"Improvise," Zelretch turned and walked slowly towards the door, adjusting his mantle as he went. He kept talking, addressing no one in particular, "I suppose I should use the back door to the kitchens. Wouldn't want to disturb the other _guests_ ," He paused in the doorway and looked back over his shoulder, "Oh I nearly forgot. Rin you should head to the entrance hall about now,"

"Why? What happened?," was Rin's confused reply as she began to process the last few minutes.

"Something unexpected." and he was gone.

* * *

The entrance hall stood empty, almost peaceful. The silence was broken by twelve loud tolls from the bell high above. The sound echoed around the cavernous chamber before fading away and all was quiet once more.

SLAM!

The doors to the Clocktower flew open, the noontime light throwing the opulent chamber into vibrant color.

"SHIROU EMIYA, I HAVE COME TO…. oh." A slight figure in a white chef's coat and white pants shrunk in on herself as she stepped into the noticeably empty room, "no one seems to be here,"

A second, taller, figure joined the first and simply nodded in agreement. This figure was also female and was unconcerned with the fact that she was blindfolded.

"Guess I'll just have to start looking around then. I'll find you… Senpai."

* * *

 **An Alternate Universe: Fuyuki City**

Shirou did not know what to make of his look-alike. Yeah the hair and skin tone were different, but it was clearly Shirou Emiya in a cooking outfit standing over him. It was confusing. And that was before adding in the stuff about servants and masters that had been thrown around. Without any executive decisions being handed down by his overloaded brain, Shirou's body simply opted to sit still and look unthreatening.

"Look, me… Shirou," began, what had he called himself, Baker? "I can explain in a bit, so could you just say yes for formality's sake. Then I can go take care of Lancer before he gets impatient and comes back in here."

"Yeah kid! I'm being real considerate here!" came a faint call from outside the shed.

"Y-y-yes?" was all he Shirou could manage.

"Good. Back in a bit, just stay put," instructed Baker as he turned towards the door. His silver baking pan vanished in a cloud of blue prana particles and was replaced by a large wooden spoon. Perhaps large wasn't the proper description for something over six feet long with a bowl larger than Shirou's head on the end. With one more glance at Shirou, Baker stepped outside.

"Are you actually going to try and fight me with a spear… or polearm I guess?" came an incredulous question.

Shirou braced himself and staggered to his feet and felt his head throb. Even if it hurt, this didn't seem like something he should miss.

"You are too fast to let me take advantage of the reach of your spear by moving inside it with a shorter weapon. I stand more of a chance with something I can block easier with and has the same reach as your spear, Cu Chulainn." Baker's voice was level.

Arm pressed against his throbbing stomach, Shirou managed to make his way over to the destroyed shed doors and support himself on the empty frame. The two servants faced each other across the Emiya household's backyard. Luckily, it was fenced in and away from prying eyes. Lancer's eyes were wide.

"How do you kn… oh I see," he looked at Shirou directly, so did Baker. Shirou's double had a slight frown on his face, not disapproval, more resignation. Was it because he didn't stay put? Another flash of pain stabbed through Shirou's head and he groaned, "That wasn't a slip of the tongue earlier, he is _you_. Or I suppose you're _him_. That doesn't seem fair at all." Contrary to his words, Lancer's grin only grew as he kept speaking while Baker shrugged.

"Hard to deny it when we look so alike, but it does mean you already know my name," The chef gripped his spoon tightly and dropped into a ready stance, the spearman followed suit, "you can call me Shirou. May the best servant win."

"Alright! A real fight," the grin grew larger, becoming predatory, "Let's go!"

There was a sudden burst of dirt as the servants _moved_ , leaping towards each other faster than Shirou could easily track. The two blurs, one blue and red, the other blue and white, collided in an instant with a solid thwack as crimson spear met wooden spoon. The two men were visible for a second, one grinning widely while the other had the slightest of smiles, before the fight became a blur of motion. Shirou, entranced by the sight in front of him, could make out maybe one exchange of blows in three.

"That's quite a weapon you have there," commented Lancer as he launched series of one-handed stabs at Baker with his body angled sideways to extend his reach. Each attack was batted sideways as Baker held his weapon in both hands and slammed it against the shaft of the red spear repeatedly. Multiple times a barbed, crimson head was only scant millimeters away from the silver haired servant's face, but it never connected. The flurry of blows ended with a final, lunging thrust, faster than all the previous moves.

Instead of blocking Baker spun to the side, nimbly dodging the blow as he used his momentum to launch a spinning strike at Lancer's knees. Forced to leap backwards the blue spearman held his weapon above his head to block his opponent's overhand follow-up. As the weapons clashed again, he spoke once more,

"Didn't expect an overgrown ladle to be so durable. I must say though, you two still seem kinda familiar. Like I've met one of you before," As he mused, Lancer kicked out, this time forcing Baker to skip backwards. As the two closed the distance once more Shirou lost sight of the specific movements, only seeing the clash of red and brown blurs between the servants. The sound of impacts became nearly one long noise as the servants danced across the yard.

For a moment, Baker's spoon was knocked aside and overextended and Lancer lunged forward with his spear angled down. Once again, the chef pushed off the ground to dodge impalement. Pain flared in Shirou's mind and for an instant he knew this was what Lancer had planned. The downward strike missed and the red spear buried itself in the ground. It's wielder flung himself forwards and upwards, using the planted weapon as a pivot in an attempt to kick the airborne Baker with both feet.

Unable to dodge in midair, Baker managed to interpose his oversized spoon just in time. The force of the blow threw the silver haired servant through the air and slammed him into the side of the shed. Shirou felt the impact reverberate in the door frame and saw the cracks in the wall as his servant stood. The apron clad servant examined the wooden implement in his hands. It was fractured where he had blocked Lancer's kick, so he cast it aside where it shattered into prana motes.

Weaponless, he strode forward confidently.

"I really was only ever proud of my cooking, but I see I was arrogant about my fighting skills,"

He held his hands loosely at his sides as if holding invisible swords.

"I shouldn't have tried to fight you with something like a spear,"

Two oversized, silver sheened, chef's knives appeared in his hands. Baker's posture relaxed and the two knives, more sword sized really, pointed away and slightly upwards from his body.

"Not when I'm more familiar with this."

The occasional pains in Shirou's head merged and became one long headache. For a moment instead of knives Baker seemed to hold a black sword and a white sword while the world was replaced by a sea of flames. The world snapped back to normalcy and Shirou could see just how many openings Baker's stance had.

"That stance!" yelled Lancer as he charged once more, spear forward and seeking blood.

Before, the fight had been mobile and left the whole yard in disarray. Now Baker stood firm. Around him darted a blue blur training a line of crimson. An impossible amount of times the red lashed out, invariably aiming for a vital point left unguarded only for it to be turned away at the last second. One of the silver knives would deflect the deadly blow while the other sought to injure the spearman wherever it could reach.

"That's the same style as the Archer I just fought, _Baker_ ," accused Lancer as he made a wide, sweeping blow with his spear. Again, a knife met the blow, but could not hold it back on its own so its twin was brought to bear. Not wanting to make it a contest of physical strength Baker moved from where he had stood since he brought out his knives. Lancer gave chase, stabbing relentlessly as the whole yard came into play again.

"Something real strange is going on here!" the spearman was forced to backpedal as Baker suddenly changed direction and took the offensive, knives flashing. Temporarily inside the reach of Lancer's spear, the dual wielder had an advantage and pressed it mercilessly. Much like Baker earlier, Lancer now used both hands and both ends of his weapon to deflect the numerous strikes at close range. Finally, a mighty shove pushed both combatants apart, neither breathing hard. A single red line graced Lancer's cheek.

"But I'll ignore that for now," Lancer glared at Baker as he wiped a line of blood off his face, "because you are holding back,"

Baker inclined his head slightly, an acknowledgement.

"Just don't complain when it gets you killed!" Lancer's right foot swept back and was planted firmly. His hands widened their grip and angled his spear forward and down. An oppressive malice settled over the yard as the weapon began to glow. Twisted runes lit up and began to flow like blood along the shaft and barbed tip. Crimson flames flickered to life at the point and flowed along its length as an ominous wind began to blow.

Shirou felt as if he was once more on the floor of the shed and the spear was about to pierce his heart.

The cursed spear seemed to speak. To announce its presence to all who could see it. 'DEATH' it said.

"Behold, my mightiest blow!" It seemed more that the spear leap forward, dragging Lancer with it, than the other way around.

"GAE BOLG!"

A roaring lance of red light bore down on Baker, who dropped his knives and raised his right hand towards his approaching death.

"My body is made of scones."


	4. Chapter 4: Catching Up

**Author's Musings:**

Okay. I'm back. I know it has been over two weeks at this point. Whoops. Life got busy and I (Shameless self plug woooo) wrote another fan fiction. A short piece for the Dresden Files, a series I highly recommend for any fans of urban fantasy and epicness in general. That aside, here is the next chapter of The Way to the Clocktower's Heart. It is the longest one yet so maybe I can be forgiven for it being late? Eh? Seriously though I am rather proud of how I keep writing more each time. Let me know if you think the chapters get too long.

About the chapter in general, a lot happens in a short span of time. Hopefully it all flows naturally and I don't give anyone mood whiplash. I also reference Shokugeki no Soma in this chapter. A rather ridiculous but fun series that I pulled Shirou's chef outfit from (look up Soma, the main character). Shokugeki in a non literal translation equates to "food war" or "culinary contest".

I do appreciate criticism if you have it. As for how the story will continue, I have planned how I want it to end in both universes. I do not know how long it will take to get there though. Guess we will find out together.

As I said before I have a decent knowledge of Fate/Stay Night mechanics and I may have tweaked them a bit below. Hopefully my explanations for things make sense. Let me know if there are any questions, I can address them before the next chapter.

That's enough from me. It's late and I didn't get to review this chapter as much as I would have liked, but I decided you readers waited long enough. So without further interruptions (except the disclaimer)...

Enjoy!

 **Disclaimer:**

I do not own anything related to Fate/Stay Night or anything else (Shokugeki no Soma) that is referenced below in any way, shape, or form.

* * *

 **The Clocktower: Immediately Later**

Rin moved through the empty halls of the clocktower as fast as she could, ignoring the lack of other mages. It was lunch time, so she knew where they were. Despite the speed at which she was traveling, Rin would never say she was sprinting. Someone such as herself did not sprint, they…. expedited. Rin was expediting as hard as she could. When an immortal and powerful vampire suggested you go somewhere, you went. And you didn't complain about it. Especially if that vampire was Zelretch, and doubly so if he seemed to find it amusing in any way.

Blazing past a mage hiding in a corner crooning 'my precious' over a scone, Rin thought about what could possibly be waiting for her. Was it another Shirou incident? He was definitely the number one suspect in any shenanigans happening in or around the Clocktower. However, based on where the crazy old bat of a sorcerer said he was going next, Shirou should still be in the kitchen. For once, Rin was fairly certain this was not a Shirou related disaster.

The universe chuckled. Oh how wrong she was.

But with Shirou out of the running, that left a whole world of possibilities. And with all she had seen so far Rin's definition of 'possible' had been skewed just ever so slightly. Trying not to think about it, she continued her express journey to the entrance hall and passed two brawling apprentices who each had one hand on a picnic basket.

Sliding into the room to bleed off her momentum, Rin scanned the room with a practiced eye. Her hands twitched towards the various gems hidden on her person, but they were unneeded. The entrance hall was devoid of any noteworthy company, the man swearing vengeance and cursing his fate didn't count.

'This culinary cult is an abomination and a threat to the nation!'

She must have missed what Zelretch was talking about. Maybe whoever it was had moved on? She should search the nearby rooms and… oh root damn it all she hadn't brought any of her familiars. Those would have been useful.

'I will find a way to remove the threat of mind control scones and save us all!'

The door slammed and brought Rin out of her thoughts. A kaleidoscope of colors bathed the room through the stained glass windows and silence reigned. A cry from down the corridor broke the momentary peace.

"SHIROU EMIYA, I HAVE COME TO…"

The voice cut off suddenly, but Rin had heard enough. That shout had contained the name of a certain trouble magnet and was clearly what she was looking for. She sprin… hastened away towards the source of the shout, cutting the corners as close as she dared.

Maybe a little too close as she rounded another corner and collided with someone. Only Rin fell to the ground as she seemed to bounce off whoever she hit. Looking up all she could see was a long curtain of lavender hair, which shifted smoothly as its owner looked over her shoulder. A pair of blindfolded eyes regarded Rin with a cool expression.

"!" Rin half scrambled and half lept backwards before making it to her feet. She knew that face and look. Tensing to run, Rin began to gather prana and reach for her gems. Why couldn't this have happened when Saber was nearby?! She opened her mouth to yell a challenge, use a command seal, or perhaps scream in terror at the proximity of a servant, but she didn't get the chance to make a sound.

Rin was bodily tackled from the side by a purple and white blur.

"Rin! Sis! It's so good to see you! How are you! What's…"

Apparently being tackled wasn't good for one's short term memory as Rin found herself on the ground again and staring at more purple hair. Someone was excitedly chattering in her ear as they clung to her in a tight hug.

"And you have to tell me everything! It's been forever since we had a chance to actually talk…"

Wait! Rin's mind reset and she looked past the person clinging to her like a limpet and up at the smiling (what?) form of Rider. The same Rider who had been trying to kill Rin and Shirou last time they met.

Ok. Rin was officially a little freaked out.

"And it's not like we have to worry about adults being meanies anymore! Oh how grand to actually have a sister again!"

So who had the purple hair and was hugging her.

Hold on.

Sister? That word finally registered in Rin's confused and unnerved state. Pushing the person who was still babbling away, Rin finally saw who had _enthusiastically_ greeted her.

"Sakura? But…" words failed Rin as she gazed at the now silent and concerned looking girl on top of her.

"Oh. Oh. I'm so sorry," Sakura apologized as she disentangled herself from Rin, "that was highly improper of me," She straightened up and smoothed down her white clothing while looking decidedly embarrassed, a feeling Rin shared, "I was just so excited to see you I…. let me try again," Rin's sister coughed delicately into her hand to clear her throat, bowed formally, and spoke again.

"Greetings Rin Tohsaka, Head of the Tohsaka Family. I am the new head of the Matou Family, Sakura Matou. I formally greet our ancient allies and will be in your care."

Well that was interesting. It's not every day your forcibly adopted away sister tackles you out of nowhere. Rin shakily got back to her feet, feeling conflicted as various emotions awakened.

"Wait," began Rin. It was too much so she latched onto one particular fact instead of trying to untangle the imposing knot that was forming inside her, "you're the family head?"

"Oh is that anyway to greet your estranged sister Rin?" teased Sakura, hand on her cheek, as Rider suppressed a rare display of emotion by badly faking a cough. Sakura ignored Rin's sputtering and smiled widely, her eyes crinkling shut, "but yes, since I am the only surviving member of the Matous the position naturally falls to me."

Rin wasn't sure how to take the information and was struck silent. It was hard to believe that the old bug Zouken was actually dead. Not to mention she was completely unprepared for a family reunion. It was hard to pretend to not have a sister for years, and then only interact with her as a polite acquaintance if at all. It was an old wound, and long healed, if improperly, for Rin even if her/their mother had never gotten past it. At the moment most of Rin's thoughts were guilt at having not done anything for her younger sister and for practically forgetting about her with all the commotion she was wrapped up in these days. The knot inside Rin grew larger. She wanted so badly to just reach out, but wasn't sure she could or even deserved to.

"And like I mentioned a bit ago, with both of us in charge there is no reason we can't try and be sisters aga…. oh," Sakura opened her eyes and, noticing Rin's silence and conflicted expression, hesitantly reached out. She managed to still look calm, but her shaking arm betrayed the contained fear and sadness. She could see the inner turmoil on Rin's face and it was devastating. Her happy mood fell away completely and her head fell, dejected, "that is… assuming you _want_ to try. I-I understand….i-i-if you don't want to. I'm not worth..."

Rin cut her off with a crushing hug that pinned Sakura's shaking arms to her body. Forget anything complicated. Forget the guilt. Forget all the what ifs. Forget being a magus just for now. They could work out the kinks later. Rin felt tears welling up and let them. She felt memories from over ten years ago wash over her and once again felt like a little girl. She saw her little sister walking away from her for the last time. She felt once more the pain of losing her father, her mother, and more. Rin had lost enough family. Like hell was she passing up a chance to get some back. She gripped her surprised sister tighter.

"Don't you go sounding like that idiot," Rin choked out and managed a wet smile, "Of course I'll try."

"Rin…" Sakura brought her arms up and returned the embrace.

The two sisters stood there for a time in silence as tears traced their cheeks.

It was a comforting silence.

It felt whole. And right. Not undamaged. And definitely not perfect. But whole nonetheless.

* * *

A few emotional minutes later the two sisters had composed themselves somewhat and resumed Sakura's trek down one of the many labyrinthian halls of the Clocktower. They both wore matching smiles and moved without haste. It was a pleasant atmosphere, but Rin was still Rin and was too curious to let it continue for long.

"So, I don't want to ruin the mood by bringing up the past, but how exactly did you get here?"

"On a plane of course."

Rin's reply was an attempted glare that lacked any real heat. Sakura giggled lightly, hands clasped behind her back as she continued walking. Rider followed with a little distance to give the women some space.

"Don't worry, I know what you meant. You did lose track of me after the war. Since you never checked in on me or anything before gallivanting halfway across the world with Senpai." Sakura pouted at Rin, who was looking more than a little ashamed of herself.

"A-ah, that is..." Rin found no good way of denying the politely stated accusation.

"Don't worry, I got over that grudge a long time ago. It was irrational, but I did resent you for abandoning me and blamed you for my problems. What with everything I went through with the Matous. My life was more messed up than Senpai's," She was being unusually upbeat for such a dark topic, "But in the end you really aren't at fault. All the originally responsible people are dead, and you wouldn't have been able to rescue me anyway. Not to insult your power, but Zouken had a lot of failsafes."

"Ok… leaving aside why you are so chipper about all of that," it did not bode well for Sakura's mental health, "how did you get away then?"

"I'll answer both questions anyway," Sakura did a little twirl while they walked, "First, I have had enough time to come to terms with what happened, and enough time to realize, and accept, that I'm not normal in the slightest. I am a bit skewed to say the least. Which isn't all bad since there are plenty of strange people in the world. Like Senpai, or you, or most magi actually,"

"That's certainly true," muttered Rin, "wait! Why did you mention me!?"

Sakura only smiled enigmatically and kept talking.

"As for how I got here. Well once I figured out that no one was going to save me, I finally decided to save myself. With the war over and Shinji dead it was a good a time as any. If it makes you feel better you did help me escape in a way."

"I did?" Rin looked hopeful.

"Mmhmm," Sakura nodded, "Unless someone else helped purify the grail system of All the World's Evils?" She cocked her head to the side.

"But how did that help?"

"I'll get to that in a moment. I got away by killing Zouken. You know, for someone so cunning, he really was rather careless with experimenting on me,"

"A magus that old got careless?" that was highly unusual. Being a magus was an inherently dangerous profession. Hence the common phrase, 'to be a magus is to walk with death'.

"Do you remember my elemental affinity from when father tested us as children? This is related I promise." Sakura answered Rin's question with another question.

"Of course. 'Imaginary Numbers' right?" Rin was sure she was correct but phrased it as a question to be polite. Gotta be sure to start off this sibling thing on the right foot.

"Yep! Although it could also have been called 'hollow'. When I was being 'taught' the Matou magecraft I also gained a water element with the Matou trait of absorption. Then Zouken got ambitious and implanted the shards of the fourth lesser holy grail into me so that I would become a lesser grail much like Illyasviel von Einzbern."

"He what!" Not only had Zouken messed with the grail system heavily, he had done it with her sister! Rin was not amused, "But that's insanely dangerous. No one understands the how the grail works anymore, not to mention it was evil when he mucked with it!"

"Oh he knew it was evil, he didn't mind all that much. And he knew a lot about the system. Like how the lesser grail acts as a trigger for the greater grail by absorbing the defeated heroic spirits. So naturally I formed a link to the greater grail. It was not a pleasant experience," for the first time Sakura shivered as she talked, "I try not to remember it," She stopped walking as Rin hugged her again, "thank you…. But then all the darkness just went away and it was wonderful!"

"That must have been when Saber destroyed that _thing_ near the temple," although thing may have been an understatement for the mass of oozing evil muck and the giant humanoid figure in it.

"That's what I assumed when I heard the reports. So with the grail war over, I was left with a hollow/water affinity with an absorption trait, shards of one of the most powerful examples of wishcraft ever, and a direct connection to an unused and untainted well of power," Sakura stopped walking and looked at Rin expectantly, "So guess what I did,"

Rin paused as well to think, muttering to herself as she processed everything.

"As a hint, my elemental affinity was already strange and had been changed before."

Rin drew in a sudden breath, eyes going wide.

"Did you absorb the grail shards into your affinity!? That's… I want to say impossible but you are smiling way too much. So I guess it is possible?,"

"I always knew you were smart Sis. I'm not entirely confident I could explain the whole thing in detail, but I filled my 'hollow' affinity by absorbing the idea of 'wishcraft' from the grail. And now here I am with an element of 'wishcraft' and the ability to draw upon the store of power left in the greater grail. Much like the end of the fourth war you only destroyed the manifestation of the grail, leaving the underlying system and prana store untouched. Zouken and his worms weren't too hard to deal with after that, so I summoned Rider back up and I was free."

Rin wiped her mouth (she was not drooling, definitely not), and looked at Sakura hungrily.

"You wouldn't mind helping me with some experiments now that you are back. Would you?" Now there were two anomalies to study! Shirou was strange but this was just as unprecedented. Although they might have to keep Sakura a bit more secret than Shirou. The only reason Shirou hadn't been dissected or locked up for study was because no one wanted to piss off the new chef.

"um…. I don't see why not," Sakura seemed confused at Rin's sudden question.

"Great! We can discuss details later," Sakura was a little uneasy at her sister's enthusiasm, "but back to you, so you took care of Zouken, then what? You didn't come right here obviously."

"Uh-huh," Sakura nodded, "I heard about Senpai's quest and how he was pursuing his cooking,"

 _How did she know that when no one at the Clocktower knew anything about it? I never did get all the details from Shirou._ Rin thought as Sakura continued.

"So I started my own training so I could keep up with him. I'm going to be Senpai's Sous Chef!," Sakura clenched her raised fist in determination.

That pulled Rin out of her thoughts and before thinking she blurted out.

"You can't be Senp… I mean Shirou's Sous Chef, he's my… my…" Rin blushed and trailed off. She wasn't certain how she was going to finish that sentence. And now Sakura almost had her saying Senpai. Why was she still saying that anyway?

"Oh? Senpai is your what?" Sakura grinned as Rin's face did a passable impression of her standard red shirt.

"T-That's not important," stammered Rin, "W-why do you keep calling him Senpai anyway? We are in Britain and speaking English."

"Well there is no good English word or phrase that conveys 'person who is older than me in school whom I respect and am attracted to in a nearly fanatical way' properly," her smile was serene, "but that's not important. What is important is that I have returned. I have perfected my craft and will find Senpai."

Rin wasn't sure how to react to everything Sakura had just said. It was a feeling she was unfortunately becoming very familiar with these days.

Wait.

Rin really _looked_ at her sister and noticed that she wasn't just wearing white clothes. That was a chef's coat.

Waitwaitwaitwait.

She perfected her craft.

Rin's mind whirled back to a certain day when a certain idiot had come seeking revenge. Her breath sped up. Those words, she couldn't possibly have…

No! It had to be a coincidence. She had to stop being silly just because Sakura happened to use the same words as Shirou. Rin forced herself to breathe slower and calm down. She was reading too much into things and getting paranoid. Gotta keep things under control.

"You really would make a good apprentice you know," said Zelretch as he leaned against the wall and popped the last of what he was holding into his mouth, "mmmmm. Tasty."

Rin snapped out of her near panic and whipped her head around. Sakura and Rider had apparently moved on while she had been frozen and were down the hall. The prankster vampire who could level the whole city with ease was smirking beneath one of the hall's windows and chewing something.

"Excuse me?" Rin asked. Where did he come from? Zelretch just swallowed and smirked.

"You are already progressing well in one of the most important areas for my students. A resistance to craziness is a necessity and you have been exposed more than most. You are developing an impressive tolerance. Not even a fainting spell this time," He looked very proud, like a grandfather who just saw his grandchildren win something.

"But. I. Grrr," Rin was not in an eloquent mood.

"Ah. Ah. Ah. You shouldn't be bothering with me. You should catch up with your sister and show her to the cafeteria. It will make everything go much smoother than just having her wander around."

Down the hall Sakura, flanked by Rider, reached another door. Flinging it open with a bang, Sakura stepped inside and cried out,

"SHIROU EMIYA, I HAVE COME TO….. oh."

* * *

Shirou Emiya was feeling good. Even if today's experiments with Rin hadn't born any fruit, lunch had gone super well. Everyone was contentedly in food comas out in the cafeteria and he was busy cleaning up the supplies that were not projections. Plus Zel had stopped by and given him a chance to make some more unique food again. No one else really liked the flavor produced by _that_ ingredient.

Content and calm, he continued scrubbing the pan in his hands. With nothing planned until it was time to prep dinner Shirou took his time and enjoyed the simple task. At least he did until he heard a loud bang echoed through the cafeteria. He poked his head out of the serving window just in time to see Sakura leap into the room and proudly plant her hands on her hips. It was surprising to see the purple haired girl, but Shirou didn't mind in the least. He always had enjoyed her quiet company and had wondered more than once how she was doing.

Wait.

Was she wearing a chef's coat and matching white pants? And why was Rider standing in the doorway with Rin practically cowering behind her?

Sakura surveyed the room and caught sight of Shirou's head.

"SHIROU EMIYA!" belted the slim girl as she pointed dramatically, "I HAVE COME TO CHALLENGE YOU!"

Shirou blinked. That was as unexpected as seeing Sakura.

"SHOKUGEKI! I SHALL CLAIM A PLACE AS YOUR SOUS CHEF!"

Ah. Things made sense now. Shirou had also taken the elective that covered the dramatic elements of the culinary arts at Totsuki. Ham 101 if he recalled correctly. There really was only one response then. Shirou stepped away from the sink and vaulted through the serving window. He made sure to angle his landing so that his apron and bandana flared appropriately. Standing tall Shirou pointed back at his opponent and replied with gusto.

"I ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE! NAME YOUR TIME AND PLACE!"

An intense atmosphere descended upon the room.

"HERE AND NOW!"

Several of the semiconscious mages in the cafeteria began to stir at the commotion, while others remained where they were holding their stomachs in bliss. Completely unaware, or simply uncaring, of the prospective audience the two chefs strode confidently towards one another. As the distance between the two shortened, their eyes locked in a fierce stare and their mouths flattened in grim determination. They met at the center of the room. Shirou by himself and Sakura trailed by a stoic Rider, a dazed Rin, and a grinning Zelretch. The two struck one last confident pose, facing each other with their arms crossed, before the air of drama faded away.

Sakura's body language slumped a little and became very hesitant, she gently pushed the tips of her index fingers together. A slight blush made its way onto her cheeks.

"H-Hi Senpai. Did I do that right? Yukihira-sensei said I needed to work on my confidence,"

Shirou's firm look faded into a genuine smile.

"I'm sure Sensei would have been proud. I can't believe you are here Sakura, and you went to the same school as me too!" The redhead enfolded the smaller woman in a gentle hug, "It's great to see you,"

"School… Crazy…Yelling… Chefs," contributed Rin from her stunned state.

"I missed you Senpai," murmured Sakura into Shirou's shoulder.

"I want to ask you how you got here, but that can wait," said Shirou as he released the hug, "You challenged me, and I know we can't make it official since we aren't in school, but I intent to honor the rules of Shokugeki anyway. What are your terms?"

Sakura reluctantly stepped away from Shirou as she answered.

"I would like to cook with you in your kitchen as your Sous Chef," her request was firm.

"You know you didn't have to challenge me to get that?" Shirou quirked an eyebrow at Sakura who shook her head.

"No. I did. This is more for my sake than anything else. I know it's selfish, but give this your all!" Shirou nodded firmly in response to the fervent request.

"Ok. Now we just need judges, preferably three," his gaze landed on the three people standing behind Sakura. Rider simply nodded once at the implied question. Zel gave a silent thumbs before looking sideways at Rider and indicating Rin with his head. The heroic spirit shifted so that Rin was between her and Zelretch. With a coordinating nod they each grasped one of Rin's arms and snapped her out of her stupor.

"WHAT! Huh? Where's…" The trapped woman started and instinctively tried to jump back, only to find her feet were no longer touching the ground courtesy of the supernatural supports now gripping her elbows. She glowered at them both and then at Shirou and Sakura.

"Well it seems we have our three Sakura. Saber will be a bit disappointed but I can make it up to her later. Shall we?" he swept an arm in the direction of the kitchen, "I wouldn't want to keep our judges waiting."

"Judges!? Wait! I'm not eating any of your food Shirou," Rin's gaze intensified as she focused on just Shirou, "I will not subject myself to mmph mphmmph," the last two words were muffled by a hand from each of her captors, but sounded suspiciously like 'mind control' anyway.

"Well..." Sakura was hesitant, "I think there might be a better venue…I heard about your world and well…" she trailed off.

"Oh? Are you sure. That would be kinda unfair," Shirou rubbed the back of his head before he froze, "unless… did you also…?" he didn't finish his thought, but Sakura nodded eagerly as Rin's eyes widened at the same pace as Zelretch's grin.

"Oh this will be good," muttered the sorcerer in anticipation, as Rin renewed her struggles to escape.

* * *

Rin crossed her arms petulantly and held on to the hope that she was wrong about what Sakura had implied. She was pinned between Rider and Zelretch on a bench behind one of the cafeteria tables, which while not exactly comfortable had the benefit of preventing her from shaking in apprehension. Apprehension of what she hadn't quite pinned down. Eating Shirou's cooking held the risk of having her mind altered, which was distasteful. But was what Sakura might be able to do better or worse than that?

 _I'll find out soon enough_ , she supposed.

A larger clearing had been made in the center of the cafeteria, with many insensate mages being bodily pushed aside. The ones who could move under their own power clustered at the edges of the area. The 'judge's table' faced the open area where Shirou and Sakura stood facing each other. Neither held any sort of cooking instrument, but both held expressions of concentration. A red ribbon, one Rin recognized as the one she had given to her sister ages ago, held Sakura's hair back in a ponytail to prevent any hair getting in the way.

Without any sort of detectable signal the two mages in the circle shifted stances as one. Shirou bent his knees and put his right arm forward, palm facing outwards as he braced his forearm with his left hand. Sakura bowed her head and placed her palms together in front of herself as if praying.

This was it. Rin hoped she was wrong. Please. Please. Be wrong.

The two began speaking with Shirou leading.

" **I am the bake of my oven"** power began to gather around the aproned mage and his voice adopted a deep timbre of magic.

Rin squeezed her eyes shut as if to block out what inevitably came next.

Sakura began to speak as well.

" **Always empty, surrendered, alone"** her voice held the same weight as Shirou's and sounded clearly in Rin's head.

Root damn it! She was just as crazy as he was. The confirmation of her fear did not help Rin's mental state. The familiar feeling of being overwhelmed crept into the corners of her mind.

" **Flour is my body and milk my blood"** these words passed through Rin's mind. She had already heard them and was busy questioning what she knew about her sister.

" **A vessel for the wishes of others"** tendrils of darkness began to leak from the smaller magus, curling around her still form as her voice remained placid.

" **I have created over a thousand flavors"** Rin was somewhat concerned as the power laden words continued to flow. That blackness was just a little too familiar for comfort.

" **Witness to all the blights of man"** streaks of red wove through the anomalies surrounding Sakura. Rin opened her mouth but anything she tried to say, any warning she wanted to give was swallowed by the arias being spoken.

" **Never once too salty, never once too dry"** Shirou did not seem to be concerned with what was happening, his gaze was locked on Sakura and full of trust as his own power began to warp the air around him.

" **Yet all chains can be broken, all burdens lifted"** Sakura's eyes were still shut and her words were still calm, like a pond on a windless day. Faintly, she began to shine with a white light that washed away the darkness.

" **Withstood heat to create pastries, waiting for them to brown"** a warm wind swirled around Shirou and rustled his apron and bandana. The dark streaks around Sakura were completely eclipsed by the growing light.

" **With a wish of my own, I pursue that which I desire"** seeing the recognizable signs of the holy grail's former taint vanish, Rin's mind switched from growing concern back to increasing confusion and vehement denial.

" **I have no regrets, I travel a delicious path"** how did two people in the same room come to possess what had only happened six or seven times in history? Reality marbles were supposed to be rare in humans! She must be hallucinating or something.

" **I will reach forward and grant my own request"** then Sakura's words from earlier came flowing back into Rin's mind. "My life was more messed up than Senpai's" How had she missed that!

" **I am the chef of…"** if being saved from an endless fire and inheriting a dream could distort someone enough for them to form a reality marble then….

" **For I truly am…"** more words came back to Rin. "I am a bit skewed to say the least". Sakura had been through far worse than Shirou. It was more than possible that her perception of the world was as warped as Shirou's. Warped enough to develop and manifest a reality marble.

The two distorted beings spoke their final words in unison.

" **Unlimited Scone Works"**

" **A Wishing Well"**

Power flowed over the room in an irresistible wave. Flames spread outwards from Shirou's feet as blinding light blazed forth from Sakura's form. The two forces met in the middle even as they expanded outwards and consumed the room.

Everything was lost in white.

* * *

 **An Alternate Universe: Fuyuki City**

Baker stared down the lance of crimson light that sought his heart. His right arm extended in a futile stopping gesture as he spoke his final words.

"My body is made of scones."

The instant he spoke those words two different things happened within two distinct worlds. Both were extremely important.

In the world known as reality, the cursed spear Gae Bolg pierced the heart of servant Baker. This was unusual in the fact that the spear itself was still several yards away from the organ in question. However, the Barbed Spear of Impaling Death was no ordinary weapon. It was a noble phantasm. A weapon or ability so renowned and legendary that it served as the armament of a heroic spirit and journeyed along with its owner even after death.

In this case, the legend of Gae Bolg stated that it always pierced the heart of its target when thrust. Ascended to the power level of a B rank noble phantasm, the cursed spear retained the ability to always strike true. However, its power was magnified exponentially to the point where time, space, and causality itself bent to ensure the outcome of unleashing it. What normally was: the spear was thrust and thus the heart was pierced, became: the heart was pierced and thus the spear was thrust. It was a nigh unavoidable killing blow, and it was bearing down on a defiant Baker.

So in the real world, Baker's heart was pierced and the spear was being thrust.

The other important event was occurring within the inner world of servant Baker, once known in life as Shirou Emiya the King of Scones.

A reality marble normally swapped the locations of a person's inner world and the physical world, with the caster's body acting as buffer or portal between the two. The mechanics of how exactly the world could fit 'inside' someone are a highly advanced aspect of the 'world egg' theory and were not relevant at the moment. What was relevant was the fact that reality marbles could be used in another way. The marble could be swapped into the body of the caster and deployed internally instead of replacing reality. This use generally required an altered aria to invoke, such as: 'this body is made of scones'.

So in the world of Baker, his reality marble was expanding and manifesting inside of his body and not in the real world. This altered the servant in many ways and many places, including his heart. The heart that had already been pierced. The universe just needed to catch up to that fact.

Baker grunted softly as the disturbing feeling of his reality marble overtaking his body spread. It was never a good feeling and the results were only useful in specific circumstances.

He grunted louder as Gae Bolg, in the form of a crimson beam, blew a hole in his unguarded chest.

Chunks of what looked like flesh and copious amounts of a red substance splattered across the yard and onto the shed next to a recoiling Shirou who flinched.

"hmmm," Lancer nearly purred in satisfaction as he lept backwards and surveyed his handiwork from a distance. The red spear, solid once more and no longer glowing, came to rest on his shoulder, "shouldn't have held back buddy," his grin was pleased, "but it wasn't a bad fight."

Baker's body, missing its heart and a good portion of the surrounding chest area, took a single staggering step backwards before falling to one knee.

"Arghhhh," came a rasping cry as more fluid leaked out from the gaping hole.

"Don't bothering hanging on so stubbornly. I don't care how high your endurance or battle continuation is. There is no way to …. Recover…. From ….that…." the spearman trailed off in disbelief, his last few words staggered and disjointed.

Baker was rising to his feet. Something other than red was running into his wound. It was pale and seemed to stick to the edges of the wound. It almost looked like…. Dough?

"Owww.. ack.." the chef coughed out a glob of red and then spat out more, "asperry," he managed to choke out as the hole continued to fill in.

"That's...Impossible," managed Lancer through his disbelief as he stared. His fellow servant straightened and raised his head, face set in a grimace of pain. Within moments the wound was completely covered in a pale substance that slowly began to brown.

Shirou, seeing that his servant was not dead, took a better look at his double. It looked like the injury was filled with baking pastry. Not quite believing his eyes, he took a closer look at the rest of his servant and audibly gasped. Baker's tanned skin didn't just look weathered anymore, it was covered in a myriad of small cracks and had the texture of perfect pastry. The sudden intake of breathe also brought the smell to Shirou's attention. As the fresh dough continued to brown he could smell a divine aroma of baking with an undercurrent of fruit. There was even a little steam rising off of the now covered wound.

"Ah that's better. It's hard to speak when you are missing a lung and a half," spoke Baker, his voice still distorted and choppy, but understandable. He wiped the last of the red off his chin and licked it off his hand, "mmmm. Raspberry. You are both welcome try some of me if you want. I guarantee I'm delicious," a hand gesture indicated the chunks strewn about the area.

Shirou paled and felt just a little sick even as his head pounded and his vision flashed white.

Lancer just got angry.

"That's ridiculous! You shouldn't be able to do that!" the blue haired man swung his weapon back into an aggressive position, "This time I'll be sure to…." he cocked his head to the side as if listening and gradually his face fell into an expression of disappointment, "fine," he spat out, "Looks like my master wants me to retreat. Next time don't expect to be so lucky."

As the spearman lept away Baker called out once more.

"Say hello to that false priest for me!"

Lancer stiffened briefly in mid-air before vanishing from sight. For a few moments Baker stood tense before relaxing.

"It's safe Shirou. He left." The servant's skin faded back to its normal texture but the hole in his shirt remained, revealing the browned skin of his chest and back.

"..."

"Shirou?" The servant glanced back at the shed before spinning fully around in concern, "Shirou!" the young master was curled up in the shed's doorway clutching his head and moaning in pain. An instant later Baker was hovering over the alternate version of his younger self. He reached out, but hesitated.

"Shirou, can you hear me?" a groan was the only response, "I might be able to help, I think I know what's causing this. I'll try and give you only the relevant bits so that you can at least function," he gently pulled the teen's hands away from his head, being careful to only grip clothing. Tanned hands quickly replaced pale ones and gripped the sides of Shirou's head.

For Baker nothing happened as he brought everything he knew about the grail war to the front of his mind, but for Shirou…

* * *

Shirou let out one last gasp as a final spike of pain drove itself through his skull and with it came images and memories.

He learned of a ritual called the holy grail war. Where spirits of the past were summoned to fight for mages of the present. A gruesome contest of battle and blood where the victor claimed the ultimate prize: a wish. But all was not as it seemed. The wish was real, but it was corrupt and twisted beyond imagining. Angra Mainyu, All the World's Evils, resided within the grail and sought to pervert any wish into a means of destruction. It was horrific.

He saw the experiences that his double, his servant, had been through. How his classmates were involved in the current crisis. How his friends lives were risked and ruined. But as he saw he also learned. He learned about the hidden pasts of Sakura and Tohsaka. The sordid truths of many magi like the Matous. How his own magic was incorrect and incomplete. He even learned of one of his possible futures in the form of an Archer.

Knowledge of his current situation flooded his mind and answered so many questions while raising even more.

But amidst the memories of the war were flashes of other places and times.

He knelt down and a crown was placed upon his head by a petite blond with luminous green eyes.

He held aloft a knife (a kitchen knife?!) and swung it down as explosions swept across the land.

He bowed his head in chagrin as a woman who looked much like Tohsaka pointed an accusing finger at him, one hand on her hip.

He lept backwards as a man/thing bore down on him with glowing red eyes.

He looked down in concern at his own face as he grasped the sides of his double's head.

He stood tall, apron catching the warm wind, at the summit of a hill surrounded by endless, dusty plains covered in scraggly grass. Around him echoed a wordless roar emanating from things in sight yet out of focus. Just what were they?

He looked up once more at the endless blue sky as his eyes drifted shut. Panicked cries echoed in the distance, "SHIROU!" they called but he was just too tired. "SHIROU!" Too tired. His eyelids slowly slid closed.

"SHIROU!" a faint mix of male and female resounded in the darkness.

"SHIROU!" a familiar voice, his voice, called out and he felt someone shaking his shoulders. Shirou snapped his eyes open and saw the silver haired and tanned face of servant Baker looking down in concern.

"What was….. That?" he asked, finding no accurate way to describe what he had witnessed. It was a lot to think about. At least the headache and pain were gone.

"You got a look at my memories. Since we are different versions of the same person we share a connection that lets stuff like that happen," the servant leaned back and sat on his haunches, "mages use something similar to relearn skills from a falsified version of their past selves."

"Huh?" Shirou was on a role as far as clear questions went. Baker just sighed.

"We can do magic theory later. Let's leave it at this. Due to our _similarities_ ," he grinned as if he had made a joke, "you were subconsciously picking up some of my memories and it was causing the pain you felt. It was overwhelming you since I have so many more memories as Shirou than you do so we were imbalanced. To help clear it up I purposefully transferred more memory to you by strengthening the connection through touch. It seems like it worked."

"That does make a little sense, I don't really feel all that different though."

"You shouldn't really. After all, I'm you and you're me. They are _your_ memories. I tried to focus on just what you needed to know about the grail war. Did it work?"

Shirou propped himself up and shifted himself so he was sitting against the wall.

"I think so? I know what you are and how similar it is to Rin's servant when… you were in the war," he made a strange face, "man that's weird. It was you, but now I remember it so it was kinda me. There are also some other memories, but I don't think I can sort through it right now."

"Understandable," the chef servant hopped to his feet, "do you think you can stand? We have something else to deal with before the night is over."

"We do?" questioned the newly informed master.

"Yeah, see if you remember what comes next."

"... Rin shows up?" Shirou answered hesitantly after thinking it over.

"Right in one. And we will have to see who she summoned as well. It might not be Archer," Baker began to extend a hand to help Shirou up before quickly retracting it. He looked a little embarrassed, "whoops, no need for that again. Do me a favor and don't mention that I kinda transferred a bunch of my memories to you. Especially to Rin. Please," he looked nervous despite how powerful Shirou knew him to be.

"Why….. hold on," Shirou shut his eyes and let his mind fill in the gaps, "you… promised Rin not to… give me ideas," he opened his eyes and looked up at himself, "what is that supposed to mean?"

"Weeelllll," Baker was sheepish, "Rin thinks that one Shirou like me is enough insanity, so in the event of something like Archer happening, but with me being summoned, she made me promise not to 'corrupt' myself. She made a few logical leaps and assumed I would end up as a heroic spirit, but I can't fault her thinking. She was right, as usual," a fond smile graced the tanned face for the last few words.

Shirou stood and found himself only a little stiff.

"But what does 'corrupt even mean…." a memory fragment lept to the front of Shirou's mind unbidden, "huh…. King of England? Really?" he gave his servant a skeptical look as his older version face palmed.

"This is exactly what she didn't want to happen. Well no helping it now. I can sense another servant so let's go play the gracious host," he turned to lead the way but added a few words over his shoulder, "remember, no mentioning the memories."

Shirou took a few quick steps to catch up to his servant.

"But why would telling Rin matter? It's not like she knows any of this stuff. Right?" The two passed through the Emiya house and entered the street outside. Down the road two figures in red could be seen approaching. Both looked familiar and paused as they caught sight of the two Emiyas exiting the house. Before either group could take action a glowing light sprang up between them.

A point of brilliant white hovered a few feet above the pavement before it changed. It seemed to both unfold and grow larger even as it crumpled in on itself. A multitude of colors were born within the bending and fracturing light, throwing shadows into disarray. The whole phenomenon began to swirl in hypnotic patterns before resolving into a single rotating _kaleidoscope_ of optics. From within the center of the psychedelic storm stepped a figure wearing a black skirt, stockings, and a red sweater.

Baker finally answered Shirou's question.

"It's not _your_ Rin I'm worried about."


	5. Chapter 5: Rules

**Author's Musings:**

Behold my unpredictable and unscheduled updates! And its a late night treat for you all!

Once again I may have bent some lore from Fate/Stay Night. Hopefully no one gets too offended by it.

On a fun note. I googled Baker Shirou and one of the first images I found was of Archer and Shirou cooking furiously while Rin, Saber, Sakura, and Rider look on. It made my day when I found it.

www .pinterest pin /246361042089111899/

Here is a link that should work if you take out the spaces (needed them so it would display the whole thing).

I have surprisingly little else to say.

As always, let me know what could use work or what you really liked. Enjoy!

 **Disclaimer:**

I do not own anything related to Fate/Stay Night or anything else that is referenced below in any way shape or form.

* * *

 **? ? ?: Immediately later**

Rin's vision cleared and she forced herself to look at what was in front of her. She needed to know what was there, despite any reservations her sanity was having. What was happening should have been impossible and no self respecting magus, especially a research enthusiast like Rin, would miss the chance to see it if they could help it. Behind the thoughts of determination a small part of her mind noted that she hadn't fainted this time and maybe that crazy vampire had a point about getting used to this sort of thing. That portion of her mind was quickly beaten into silence by some other, saner sections of her brain.

Rider sat to Rin's left in her stoic silence, calmly observing the events unfolding before her. To her right was a giggling schoolgirl. Oh. Wait. That was just Zelretch overreacting and letting his insanity leak out. Immediately in front of the three appointed judges was one of the wooden cafeteria tables that had apparently made the transition. It perfectly matched the rough wooden bench that they were sitting on as well. Apart from the table and bench everything had changed.

The air was charged full of prana, oversaturated to the point that it was nearly visible. Prana currents shifted the air and swirled in small eddies. Rin felt a tingling on her skin, like goosebumps were spreading all across her body. The amount of focused power in such a small area was impressive. It would have been overwhelming to Rin if she hadn't seen similar and more during her experiences in the holy grail war. She was already privy to just how strong some forces could be.

Abnormal power aside, Rin let what she was seeing wash over her like a warm breeze. She held her reactions in check as she examined everything with a clinical eye. She was straddling a divide between two landscapes, both barren with a single dominant feature. It was strange seeing the slight similarities even past the unique nature of the two inner worlds.

Zelretch's seat on the bench lay completely within Unlimited Scone Works. The right half of the bench rested on the dusty, rust red soil and sparse shrub grass of Shirou's reality marble. The plain extended outwards towards a distant horizon lit by the blinding fire of a rising sun. The sky was alight with a thousand reflections of the dawn courtesy of the impossibly large kitchen implements gleaming far above. The scattering, brilliant beams brought the drifting flour dust into sharp focus, revealing its ever shifting presence.

Beneath the blue sky dyed golden and the haze of flour rose a single, solitary hill. The hill was covered in its entirety in ovens, roaring to life even as Rin watched. The empty, silent appliances filled with heat and light in a wave that began at the base of the rise and raced upwards like a wave of flame. The ever present whoosh of a thousand baking ovens flowed outwards in a pulse made visible by the displaced flour dust and clear air left behind.

At the base of the hill rested a patio of decorative stone worked into elegant patterns. A black metal railing, with its design of forks and knives, ringed the area on three sides separating it from the hill and plains. Shirou himself stood upon the terrace, his now trademark outfit billowing in the dry wind kicked up by his ovens. He was framed dramatically by the looming hill and sunlit sky as he gazed towards the final and unfenced side of the patio. He looked on in awe at where his reality marble cut off and made way for another world.

The sky of shimmering utensils ended abruptly. The limitless expanse of flatland ran against a wall. The dining terrace was split. Where these things happened, flickered the heatless flames present when Shirou summoned his world. They licked harmlessly heavenwards, marking where the world of infinite baking came to an end. Mixed in among the flames was light. A pure white aurora danced with the fire, marking the edge of its own territory. Rin, sitting above the interplaying boundaries, cast her gaze into the second world. The world of her sister.

Blank.

Empty.

Vacant.

These were the first thoughts to enter Rin's head as she looked upon the representation of Sakura's soul. Where the sky of Unlimited Scone Works was alight and awash with color, the other sky was devoid of anything. It was simply….white. A perfect expanse that had no sense of distance or scale. It screamed out a feeling of vastness beyond the imagination for no discernable reason. It just was. Both large and small. Infinite and non existent.

The ground was much the same. A white plane extended out to infinity. No hills rose towards the 'sky' and no valleys marred the surface. In fact, if it weren't for three things it would have been impossible to distinguish where the ground ended and the sky began. Light just existed with no source and no shadow. All of the nothing was visible and bright.

The first of the three features were the lines. Thin black strands weaved across the ground in an ever shifting pattern. No thicker than a hair, it was easy to believe that they were imagined or hallucinated. But exist they did as they scrolled symbols and designs just beneath the surface of the world. Arcane symbols from cultures long forgotten, ancient seals designed for unknown purposes, and enticing hypnotic shapes came and went as Rin watched. The patternless changes continued as Rin looked at the second feature that gave the land a point of reference.

From a point in the expanse that might be called a 'center' rose a arrangement of grey stone. The stone was as featureless as the sky and arranged in series of blocks forming a multi-layered ring. Rising a few feet high, with a circular hole in the center, the unassuming and unremarkable rocks formed a Well. A Well without adornment, roof, or bucket. It existed as a gap in the world, more like a wound or hole than anything else.

The last thing that lent distinction to the blank canvas of a world was Sakura herself. She was the lone spot of color on an empty page. The single voice in a silent room. The entire world seemed to flow from, to, and around her. And as with the sky and its inexplicable vastness there was no reason for it. It just was.

For a moment there was silence but for the background grumbling of ovens.

Sakura raised her head, eyes shut, and smiled from her position between the Well and the edge of her world. Her white chef coat and pants were as still as she was, a contrast to the motion of the lines beneath her. She opened her violet eyes and gasped in wonder.

"Oh Senpai… It's beautiful," the shining world of Emiya Shirou was reflected in her wide eyes, "This is perfect..." the woman was struck mute by what could only be sheer joy.

While not unconscious, this time, Rin was also unable to say anything as she continued to take in the sights before her. Rider was looking around in interest at the conjoined worlds, but remained silent. Zelretch was being his usual self and had risen from the bench. He was busy hopping back and forth across the world border of light and flame, still giddy and giggling.

Shirou stepped forward, footfalls soft against the worn stone as he approached the divide. His face wore an open expression of awe.

"You really did it, Sakura," it was a soft statement of congratulations and reverence, "you too, see the world in your own way,"

Sakura took her own steps forward, moving to meet Shirou where the two worlds met. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she kept her pace sedate. Not that it fooled anyone, she clearly wished to run forwards.

In a matter of moments the two chefs shared another embrace.

Rin finally collected herself and noted that her sister and her….. Oh not that again. Her sister and her 'she wasn't sure what' were hugging before her. While she understood that they were having a moment, there were more important things to take care of. Like that Shokugeki thing they had mentioned before. It wasn't because she was jealous or anything. Nope.

"Ahem," Rin cleared her throat loudly.

Sakura and Shirou started and remembered that they had an audience of three, well one really since two weren't paying much attention. They hastily separated, both blushing lightly. Sakura hunched her shoulders a bit and bit her lip while Shirou just rubbed the back of his head with one hand. Both were clearly a bit embarrassed.

"So…," Rin's voice broke through the quiet and carried over the ovens and Zelretch, "where did everyone else go? And what's a Shokugeki?"

"Ah, well I can't speak for Sakura, but I didn't pull in any of the other magi because it didn't feel right. It seemed like this should be a private moment. I mean we are standing inside a fusion of two worlds based off of our souls," Shirou frowned slightly, "while I don't care who I pull into my marble when I'm looking for a fight, this is different."

"I had the same thoughts as Senpai. I wanted this to be private and I'm still not great with crowds despite my earlier bravado," Sakura proceeded to mimic the man next to her and rub the back of her head while smiling sheepishly.

Rin narrowed her eyes and inwardly chuckled. This was a good opportunity for some payback.

"So you weren't just after some alone time with your Senpai?" she quirked an eyebrow and observed the results. Predictably the two in front of her reddened considerably and Sakura opened her mouth to reply, but seemed at a loss for words.

"Now Rin," began Shirou as the wonderfully kind and naive man he was, "I'm sure she didn't want to do this with a bunch of strangers."

This response caused Sakura to look up and to the side at her defender. He seemed to give her the peace of mind or courage to say some words of her own. A smirk grew on her face as she turned back to face Rin.

"Then why did I bring you here Rin?" she asked innocently, throwing Rin off her game.

"Well," started the reply before Sakura cut it off with her follow up. She spoke quickly, her stutter returning as she forced the words out.

"Maybe I-I-I thought you w-w-would like to…. Sh-share," it was meant to be teasing, but the hurried manner in which Sakura spoke spoiled the effect, especially the manner in which she blurted out the last word. The luminescent blush on the purple-haired woman's face didn't help either. Poor delivery aside, the words still had the intended effect as Rin's face was the same shade of scarlet as Sakura's. Shirou just looked between the two and stepped back in confusion and stuttered a bit while waving his hands in front of himself.

"H-h-hey you two, t-th-that's not what this is about!" he bravely attempted to put the discussion back on track while Zelretch began laughing at his newest source of amusement. One side of Rider's mouth rose in a mild smile of amusement. Shirou forged onwards in his earnest attempt to distract the two women, who were still quiet and blushing as they glanced between their feet, each other, and Shirou.

"How about we focus on the Shokugeki! We still have to explain it to Rin!" he glanced at the oldest person present, "and maybe Zelretch?" but the old man just shook his head with great dignity and a huge grin, "should have known," Shirou slumped, defeated.

* * *

After a short break to let the two sisters calm down and stop relapsing every time they looked at Shirou, the trio plus Rider got down to business. No effort was made to get rid of Zelretch's 'kid in a candy store' expression and continued chuckles.

"So," Rin had her arms crossed and her thinking face on. Shirou thought it made her look kinda cute when she tried to look serious, "A Shokugeki is just a contest where you both cook and we," she indicated herself, Zelretch, and Rider, "the judges decide who wins. And that's it?" she nodded to herself, "simple enough. You mentioned something about terms? Or bets I suppose."

"Yeah, usually the two contestants wager something on the match and it could be anything. Sakura wants to work with me in the kitchen as she declared earlier," Shirou nodded in Sakura's direction and received a smile in return, "I don't have any demands or requests in this instance so it's a bit unusual," he tilted his head to the side, "then again, none of us really do 'usual' all that often…" Shirou trailed off in thought as Rin looked frustrated again.

"Why do people always associate me with the rest of you crazy people?" she grumbled while crossing her arms petulantly.

"Don't worry Rin, we like you for you, even if you are a bit crazy too," assured Sakura.

"Right!" agreed Shirou amiably. Rin rubbed the bridge of her nose and sighed.

"Not helping," Zelretch suffered a renewed fit of laughter and Rin's mood quickly shifted from exasperation towards anger, "Could you be quiet!," she snapped, tired of the incessant amusement the vampire found in her life. Surprisingly enough, Zelretch did go quiet after the outburst. His red eyes shifted to the raven haired magus and fixed her with a grave expression.

Rin paled. Had she just snapped at a Sorcerer? Oh, dear. That was probably not the smartest move.

 _Please don't be mad. Please don't be mad. Please don't be mad._

Rin prayed to whatever was listening but was not very hopeful based on the look she was getting.

"I…" she began to apologize before Zelretch cut her off with a gentle gesture. It was strangely at odds with how severe he looked.

"Rin Tohsaka," his voice brought to mind a nameless unease, the unsettling feeling of being looked at by something very, very large. It was moments like this that reminded everyone that Zelretch's carefree attitude was not the only side to him. He was also a being of immense power. "Once more, I would like to formally extend to you the opportunity to come under my tutelage as an apprentice,"

"W-What!" Rin mind whirled to catch up as relief flooded her system. She wasn't about to be struck down for her insolence, which was a relief, but…. Now she was going to be hard pressed to keep pushing off her decision in regards to his offer. She would have to make a choice soon.

"You continue to impress me," the Wizard Marshall's serious air didn't diminish, "with your confidence when facing that which is absurd or ridiculous and your willingness to speak your mind even if it is to one such as myself," he let loose a sigh that revealed his age, "far too many are terrified to do that these days. It is something I value in anyone I would teach."

Rin found herself unable to reply to the seemingly honest compliments and how Zelretch looked and sounded nearly _normal_ for a moment. The two bystanders, and Rider still at the table, were a bit taken aback as well. Shirou was surprised to see Zelretch act so formally, but was more surprised to hear that he was offering to _teach_ Rin. That was new.

Sakura had no prior experience with the master of the Kaleidoscope. Stories of him on the other hand… she had heard plenty of. The scene she was witnessing did not mesh with what she thought she knew. It was disorienting.

Shirou was the first to find his tongue as Zelretch waited patiently.

"That's amazing! Rin you have to say yes!" he knew this was the sort of opportunity that magi might kill for, "I knew you were a genius."

"Shirou it's …" Rin, flattered by the praise, spoke up, "it's not that simple," her old arguments were bouncing around inside her head. She reflexively weighed the costs and benefits and made a case to her own mind both for and against accepting the offer. It was all things she had done before, but this time they came back in an overwhelming rush.

"Yes it is," insisted Shirou, "this is a big break like you have been looking for. This..."

Zelretch interposed himself before the two could go any further and finished Shirou's sentence for him.

"Is an argument for another time. If any time," his bearded face broke into a grin, "besides, she doesn't have to answer now! I've taken such a shine to her that I'll make it a standing offer!" Zelretch flowed back to the wooden table, his dark mantle trailing behind him, "and that's a first! Never done that before," he perched himself on the edge of the table and resumed addressing his audience, "but enough about me and Rin. We are here for you two," he pointed at Shirou and Sakura, "I came here to see a Shokugeki. Now entertain me," his rod-like cane appeared from somewhere and came to rest on his shoulder.

Glad for any distraction from the current subject, namely herself, Rin chimed right in.

"Exactly, Shokugeki," was all she managed before coming to a realization, "How are you going to have a cooking contest? Unless it is using magic? There is no actual kitchen here, or ingredients either."

"Ah. Well I hadn't planned on using magic," Shirou admitted as he realized the same problem. He looked at Sakura with a silent question.

"Me either," she answered, "but I can get us what we need. I still haven't shown you what my world can do after all," Sakura seemed excited to show off as she reassumed her pose from when she first summoned her reality marble. Eyes shut and hands clasped in front, Sakura concentrated. The air itself seemed to respond and flood with power. He eyes reopened, glowing white tinged with blue, and when she spoke it held a strange resonance.

"Please take your seat sister, the show is about to begin," behind her, in the vast emptiness, light began to leak from the unassuming well. Light the same color as Sakura's glowing eyes welled up from the stone circle and rose towards the indefinite sky.

"Shirou please take your place within your world," instructed Sakura in her altered voice as she retreated into her own reality marble. She raised her arms and from the pillar of light emerged a swarm of thin prana threads. The slim blue lines swam through the air and twisted around each other, merging at splitting at random. All together they formed massive streams of flowing, shifting power. With deft motions Sakura guided these torrents of raw prana towards the ground where they scattered into motes. Objects began to take shape, assembled directly from the provided energy.

"My Wishing Well allows me to give form to what is in my mind," explained Sakura to her astonished audience as she spun the prana into stainless steel counters and appliances, complete with utensils and other supplies, "I can create whatever I need from the power I hold just by wishing for it. It is not as specialized or quick as Senpai's world," a perfectly formed kitchen space surrounded the woman now and the rivers of prana moved towards the boundary between worlds, "but it is versatile, I can even make food," a large table covered in ingredients formed just short of the divide.

As the torrents of blue light began to reach towards Shirou's half of the space Rin briefly wondered what might happen when something like raw energy crossed between reality marbles. The wondering was brief because she got her answer right away.

As the leading edge of Sakura's power crossed into Unlimited Scone Works Shirou stiffened in surprise and for an instant Sakura's voice returned to normal.

"Senpai!? Are you ok?" the flow of prana stopped in place and formed eddies in upon itself.

"You just caught me off guard Sakura. I was not expecting to be able to sense that. I'm perfectly fine," the red haired magus soothed the distraught woman.

"Oh. Good," the odd resonating quality returned to Sakura's voice and the prana began moving again, at least until Shirou spoke up once more.

"It's just I've never done something like this before. Please be gentle," it was an innocent statement.

Rin facepalmed even as she felt her cheeks heat up. That idiot could be so…. himself sometimes.

Zelretch and Rider shared a knowing look and chuckled.

Sakura let out a small squeak and blinked her regular, not glowing eyes as the large prana streams began to lose cohesion and drift apart.

"S-S-Senpai?!"

Shirou appeared legitimately confused for a moment before reviewing what he had just said.

"Oh," his hand reflexively went to the back of his head and he smiled through his embarrassment, "That's not what I meant. Please finish the preparations."

"R-Right!" Sakura's eyes flickered once or twice before regaining the steady glow of power. She raised an arm once more and the drifting prana gathered together and resumed its movements. A kitchen identical to the one surrounding Sakura took form around Shirou on the dinning patio of his world. In no time at all the two contestants each had their own work space with a common table for ingredients. Shirou surveyed the provided food items with a practiced eye and quickly noticed a common thread. Most of the ingredients related to baking.

"Sakura, what theme did you say this Shokugeki was?" he asked to confirm his suspicions.

"Oh, did I not mention it?" the other chef was still flustered, "I would like it to be 'tea time'"

Rin's second hand joined her first on her face as Shirou voiced her thoughts.

"You do know what my specialty is right?"

Zelretch had acquired popcorn from somewhere and was having a wonderful time. He offered his confections to Rider and Rin but was ignored.

"I know," Sakura seemed the slightest bit offended and a bit of her stubborn streak leaked out, "your world is Unlimited Scone Works. It's not hard to notice. Yet that is the theme I want,"

"It just doesn't seem.."

"Senpai," Sakura smiled a sweet smile. A deadly smile, "if you say fair I will do horrific things to your kitchen,"

"No Sakura! My kitchen!"

"I'm glad we understand one another. Could someone start us off and time one hour for food preparations please," the wonderful expression of grace was turned upon the judge's table.

Rin still had her head in her hands.

Rider was smiling a similarly sweet smile.

Zelretch was happy to oblige in an appropriate fashion.

"Tea Time Shokugeki! BEGIN!"

* * *

The two chefs wasted no time in approaching the central table overflowing with ingredients. With no hesitation they each began to make selections from the wide variety of choices.

"Senpai, I should have asked before, but do you need any specialty equipment or ingredients that you don't see here? I think I covered everything that might be needed but I can always make what you need," she pulled a bag of glutinous, sometimes called sweet, rice into her arms and stacked additional ingredients on top of it.

"Thank you Sakura, but I don't think I need anything else. And anything I would need at this point I could probably handle myself," he smiled at his opponent's thoughtfulness as he gathered flour, milk, sugar, and other ingredients for his famous scones. The same scones that had earned him the title of 'the Magus Filler' around the Clocktower cafeteria.

Nearly in sync, they both set a brisk pace back to their respective kitchens with armfuls of ingredients. Their speed only increased once they had spread their acquisitions across the various counters and appliances at their disposal. Shirou's expression grew fierce, focused, and excited as he lined up a series of mixing bowls. Sakura expressed a burning determination as she began cooking her rice and pulled out a large, freestanding, wooden bowl. A flurry of slicing, pounding, kneading, baking, and brewing overtook the merged worlds as the three judges looked on.

* * *

Rin was once more sandwiched between Rider and Zelretch as they observed the events unfolding in front of their table. While Rin and Rider continued to watch in silent awe, Zelretch took his position quite seriously and fed a continued commentary to no one in particular.

"It seems that the Scone Sorcerer," he paused and glanced at his two female companions expectantly. When no comment was forthcoming his face fell and he resumed his spiel, "is preparing the dough for his legendary pastries. Now the key to keeping those delicious bundles of flavor so flaky is to rub in chilled or frozen butter, unlike many other forms of baked good that use melted butter," he leaned sideways and stage whispered conspiratorially, "a fun food fact if I do say so myself," the two women ignored him entirely.

As Shirou finished combining his dry ingredients he expertly swirled together a blend of milk, cream, vanilla, and a single egg. His motions were smooth and practiced. Every time he finished with a particular item, be it a measuring spoon or an eggshell, he casually tossed it over his shoulder where it dissolved into luminescent prana motes. Such was his speed that he was surrounded by shimmering cloud that served to lend a mystical air to his cooking.

"All of his actions so far were to be expected," continued the unofficial and unwanted announcer, "the real questions are as follows: just what flavor will those scones be? And what manner of tea will he serve? So far it seems to a custom blend of black leaves, but he might just add something else," with an exaggerated expression of squinting his eyes and leaning forward the old man exclaimed, "Oil of Bergamot! What a classic maneuver!" Oblivious to his raving fan, Shirou continued his preparations by hefting an orange in one hand and a zester in the other. Zelretch gasped.

* * *

Uncaring of the enthusiasm displayed by the other end of the table, Rider kept a keen eye, well blindfold, on her master as she worked with fervor. While she did not make any comments, the heroic spirit sensed everything she could about the hopeful sous chef's actions. She knew that the kind, if somewhat skewed, woman she followed wanted to win this match with all her heart. Well used to disappointment herself, Rider hoped for a different future for the one who had been kind to her.

If Shirou was the picture of grace in the kitchen with flowing movements, Sakura was a study in efficiency. Not a movement was wasted as she meticulously cut a batch of fresh strawberries and kept a watchful eye on the adzuki beans and rice, in separate pots, she was currently boiling. The strawberries ready she slid the cutting board they rested on to the side, where it stopped precisely far enough away. Now there was room for the next step. The moisture that remained from slicing the fruit evaporated in a burst of blue light, outlining the slim chef as she crushed helpings of green leaves together. Her tea would be extraordinary.

* * *

Rin hardly noticed how fixated her fellow spectators had become. They were each only watching one of the unnaturally skilled cooks performing at their best. The reason for Rin's inattention regarding her immediate neighbors was that she had her attention focused on three things. She was fascinated by how easy Sakura made it all look as she effortlessly switched between elements of her developing dish. Even now she was pounding steamed rice in a wooden bowl that Rin recognized as often being used for mochi, a form of rice dough or cake. Another fragment of Rin's attention was devoted to Shirou as he practiced his frustrating and rule breaking brand of magecraft…. Ok so maybe cooking wasn't magecraft, but his actual skills had to be related to his projections… At the moment he was squeezing the juice from the orange he had zested and mixing it with powdered sugar and some melted butter.

The final thing taking up processing power in Rin's brain was the growing realization of the situation she was in. It had started small, but was working its way up from a nagging feeling of doubt to a gnawing worry. At its current rate it might top all consuming fear before the hour long time limit passed. Although the thought had originally been diverted by the unveiling of Sakura's reality marble it had returned. So Rin had distracted herself by asking questions and learning, but now…. Now the time was growing closer and she had to face the truth.

She was going to have to eat one of Shirou's scones.

One of the scones she had self proclaimed as 'mind control'.

Oh dear this could be bad. What if… but maybe... No stop overthinking it. Deep breaths.

Rin closed her eyes and let the air flow in and out. She focused on the feeling of breathing and tried to calm her mind. Zelretch had complimented her composure and confidence, she couldn't let that go to waste or prove him wrong…

When did she start caring about what that insane bloodsucker thought?

Argggghhh. Rin was frustrated and afraid. She was also _insanely_ curious about what might occur, but she quashed that emotion before it could gain traction. She should not want to know what her possibly imminent brainwashing might be like.

Her building emotions weren't helped by a new thought that entered her head unbidden.

What if Sakura's cooking has the same effect as Shirou's?

Aaaaannnnnd now she was terrified. Stupid stupid brain. Why couldn't it just shut down like it used to in situations like this. Rin took back any good thoughts she ever had about being resistant to craziness and not passing out.

Skirting the edge of hyperventilation Rin became lost within her own world until a series of soft clinks brought clarity to her.

A pair of smiling demons had placed two small cups of tea with matching plates in front of her hands. Hands that were clenched into sweating fists on the edge of the wooden table. Rin's senses went into overdrive and the world became oddly clear.

The male chef/demon/magus had served a cup of smooth, red/brown tea and a paired scone covered with a pale orange glaze. Her nose twitched and the tart scent of oranges permeated the air.

The female cook/demon/sister had served a cup of pale tea and a series of small white balls on a wooden skewer. Again, her nose inhaled involuntarily and the scents of fruit and mint raced across her senses.

The two accomplices of the evil ones held her at the sides and spoke things that sounded like encouragement. She was trapped. That must be where the strange calm had come from. There was no way out, only one path to take, and so there was no need to be afraid or uncertain.

A Tohsaka was proud and in control.

A Tohsaka followed through.

A Tohsaka faced her doom like a ma….er… woman.

Rin Tohsaka reached out. Grabbed. And tasted….

Oh.

Oh my.

She had made a terrible mistake.

* * *

 **An Alternate Universe: Fuyuki City**

A clearly aged Rin, she wore it very well so don't mention it… ever, waited impatiently in the center of the street. Her arms were crossed and she was tapping her foot against the pavement in a steady rhythm. A small pouch at her waist emitted soft clicking and clinking noises as her leg moved. Opposite the pouch was a sheathed sword, about two feet in length, whose crossguard appeared to be made of a rough cut diamond.

It didn't take long for her to reach the limit of how long she was willing to wait as the two groups watching her gaped with emotions ranging from surprise to fear.

"..."

Wordlessly, the mature magus pointed with both hands. Her right arm extend out to indicate two figures of the same height, both wearing blue and white clothing. The other arm aimed at the two figures in red of varying heights. With a forceful gesture she pointed at the ground in front of her. The look in her blue eyes made it clear that this was not a request. Everyone should gather before her… now.

The Shiro Emiya in an apron responded so quickly he appeared to vanish and reappear in front of the elder Rin Tohsaka. As a point of fact, the time difference between the 'request' and the response was so small it seemed more instinctual than anything else.

The school age Shiro Emiya experienced a brief relapse in head pain before being overcome with a sourceless terror of what might happen should he not immediately comply. He joined Shirou Emiya in front of Rin Tohsaka.

Rin Tohsaka was somewhat confused and more than a little angry. What was Shirou Emiya doing getting involved in the war after she had so kindly saved his life? Was that a servant that looked like Shirou Emiya? Was that herself but older? There were too many questions that needed answering for her to go listening to someone else. She stomped forward and pushed the feeling of being overwhelmed out of her mind. Rin Tohsaka joined Shirou Emiya and Shirou Emiya in standing in front of Rin Tohsaka.

Shirou Emiya sighed internally and cursed the root. He had no memory of something like this ever happening before. Iterations of the war like this, ones he had never seen before, were always the most troublesome. It would probably be easiest to kill Shirou Emiya as soon as possible, just in case, and get out of here. He was about to put a plan to that end into action when Rin Tohsaka turned to look…. glare at him. A long forgotten fear surfaced inside his jaded mind and before he consciously recognized it he had joined the rough semicircle standing in front of Rin Tohsaka.

"Who are you? What is going on here? I demand…" Rin Tohsaka started off strong to ensure that she directed the flow of the conversation and received the answers she wanted. Otherwise she would have to acknowledge how strange this situation felt.

"Rin… This might not be the best time to…" Shirou Emiya tried to placate the aggressive magus.

"Don't bother she won't listen to you," deadpanned Shirou Emiya to Shirou Emiya.

"Yeah you learn that after a while," muttered Shirou Emiya as he rubbed the back of his head.

Shirou Emiya and Shirou Emiya sulked in acceptance of what they knew was coming.

Rin Tohsaka staved off her growing headache by rubbing the bridge of her nose.

Shirou Emiya reconsidered his plans and briefly entertained the idea of writing this war off as a loss and seeking out a Berserker assisted departure from this world.

Rin Tohsaka continued to glare angrily and demand answers lest she fall prey to her own internal self who was quite confused.

"Ahem," came a quiet cough from Rin Tohsaka that demanded attention. Shirou Emiya and Shirou Emiya immediately became quiet and attentive. Shirou Emiya was aloof and Rin Tohsaka grudgingly stopped her rant in the slight hope of getting some information.

"Before anything else I am going to instate three rules that everyone here will follow," the tone was authoritative. The 'or else' was implied.

Shirou Emiya whimpered and was glared at by Shirou Emiya.

"But…" objected Rin Tohsaka before being silenced by a hand over her mouth courtesy of Shirou Emiya who whispered, "don't argue… it's safest"

"Rule number one," Rin Tohsaka put her right hand on her hip and raised the other in the air with the index finger extended, "you," she pointed to Shirou Emiya, "are henceforth going to be referred to as Archer and derivations of that only," the red and black clad servant nodded in understanding and desperately prayed that this might actually make things somewhat sane again. Yeah…. right.

"You," Rin moved on and pointed to Shirou Emiya, "will be called… what servant were you summoned as Shirou?" she segued into a question full of honest curiosity. Rin Tohsaka blinked at how Rin Tohsaka had addressed the servant. Her brain stuttered and refused to acknowledge any implications that had been made.

"...Baker," admitted Shirou Emiya as he looked away.

"...I am not surprised," admitted Rin Tohsaka while Rin Tohsaka began to look more confused than angry, "Alright, you will be called Baker or derivations thereof," the chef servant appeared relieved at the news.

"Shirou Emiya," Rin's finger switched targets again, "will still be called Shirou Emiya, while I," she indicated herself, "will go by Kaleido Ruby or just Ruby for short," her left hand raised again, this time with her first two fingers extended. Kaleido Ruby opened her mouth but was interrupted hesitantly.

"Ummm…"

Ruby sighed in annoyance.

"You will obviously go by Rin Tohsaka, come now keep up with yourself here," she scolded. Rin just looked a bit lost as her mind began to protest the events it was witnessing.

"Rule number two, you three," she indicated two people with white hair and one with red, "are not to make physical contact with each other in any way without my explicit permission. We do not need to give Shirou ideas by giving him the memories of other Shirous, likewise..."

Ruby kept talking as Archer nodded in agreement with the pragmatism of the rule. Baker and Shirou poorly concealed some guilty looks, but were saved from discovery because the rule maker's attention was on Rin.

Rin had lost track of what her aged look alike was saying as she was busy processing what had just been revealed. Ok, she could see the resemblance between Shirou and the one identified as his servant, but Archer…. Wait. Her head mechanically twitched to the side to look at her own servant.

Yep. Rin admitted to herself, completely emotionless as her mind started to boycott consciousness, she could see it.

"Hey, snap out of it!" a pair of fingers snapped in front of Rin's face, temporarily saving her from passing out, "I said that we shouldn't make physical contact either so you don't get any memories from me and screw up the timeline anymore. Got it?" Rin's body managed to nod somehow as her brain continued its retreat.

"Good, then on to rule number three," the same pose was struck as before, with three fingers raised. She glared at everyone present to ensure they knew how serious she was being. Baker, Archer, and Shirou all flinched a little on the inside. Rin didn't react, even when Ruby stated, with perfect enunciation and excellent volume.

"I. am. in. charge. period."

Frantic nods from three heads greeted rule number three.

"Rin I said… oh," the older magus looked down at where her younger self had collapsed and was foaming at the mouth. Archer held back a laugh and merely snorted while Shirou looked concerned. Baker was amused and quipped,

"I forgot you used to do that,"

* * *

A comatose Rin lay on a futon in the corner of the Emiya household's main room. Sitting around the central table were the four aware magi of varying skill. Baker was nursing a red mark on his cheek and looking at Ruby with annoyance.

"Hey I wasn't making fun of you. I was making fun of…. Well….you…" he trailed off realizing that his self defense was hopeless.

Ruby decided that his paltry attempts at self justification were beneath any sort of response.

Archer was still taking in the whole situation and found that he was unsure of what to do. The usual, kill Shirou, win war, strategy didn't necessarily apply since another version of himself was here. It might be as confusing as Zelretch, but he could probably learn a thing or two here. He decided it was best to just wait and see.

Shirou was in a similar boat as Archer seeing as many of his questions had already been answered thanks to recently acquired memories. Without any pressing need to know stuff, he elected to watch the byplay between his servant and Ri… Kaleido Ruby.

"So you finally tracked me down then." sighed Baker as he changed topics, "sorry about that," the man's bandana lay listlessly across his back and a sense of melancholy hovered about him. A similar air spread to Ruby and she looked sad and angry at the same time.

"Always apologizing," muttered Ruby before she continued, "we can have a conversation about that, and the others, later and in private," she glanced at the table's two other occupants, "so talk about something else…. for now," the words held the silent promise of a long conversation in the future.

"Ah. Ok. So how did you manage to convince Zel to not come along with you then? I figured he would be extra eager to see the inevitable...excitement" Archer did a quick double take as he mentally connected the dots. Zel?

"Well," Ruby actually looked worried for the first time since she had arrived, "I promised to help him test a new mystic code he is making. It can't be that bad right?"

* * *

Zelretch, the wizard marshall looked up from his workbench in an obscure location.

"I sense that Rin is completely wrong and unprepared for insanity. That has not happened in a while. I look forward to exploiting this."

"INDEED!" an overly cheerful and enthusiastic voice issued from a partially assembled rod topped with a five pointed star within a circle.

* * *

"Anyway," she pressed on after shivering for some reason, "what exactly have you done since you were summoned? It looks like I didn't miss much,"

"Not really, saved Shirou from Lancer. Got stabbed by Gae Bolg..." Archer's eyes widened in surprise while Ruby simply snorted.

"You won't get my sympathy. There is no way that would actually kill you."

"Hey it still hurt," Shirou pouted, "then he got called back so I told him to say hi to Kirei for me. You know the rest from there," the sorceress looked pensive.

"Shi...Baker. What. Exactly. Did you say to Lancer about Kirei?"

"Ummm. 'say hello to the fake priest for me' I think," Baker leaned away from the frowning woman, "why?"

"Because that psychopath now knows that something is up. He will not react well to being discovered. The most likely response will be blacklisting you and suspending the war until you are dealt with. We now have a lot less leeway in how to proceed,"

Kaleido Ruby looked at the three versions of Shirou Emiya, her face grim.

"Get some rest boys. You will need it for the morning when Rin is awake again,"

She stood and stretched before making her last statement.

"Tomorrow, we plan how to win a war."


	6. Chapter 6: Requests

**Author's Musings:**

Ok I'm going to do something I don't like doing... and make an excuse. I was away for two weeks and so it took longer to publish this chapter. On the plus side it is at least a decent excuse. I have also had the problem/blessing of getting better at writing more. What that means is no alternate universe with this chapter. The grail war planning will take place in the next chapter. On the plus side I did throw in an omake even though it really doesn't relate to my story at all.

-Please insert the usual blurb about how I might tweak F/S N magic mechanics or lore.

I would like to thank Sanguinis13 for the review that inspired part of this chapter. Thanks!

As always, let me know what could use work or what you really liked. Enjoy!

 **Disclaimer:**

I do not own anything related to Fate/Stay Night or anything else that is referenced below in any way shape or form.

* * *

 **The Wishing Well / Unlimited Scone Works: Immediately Later**

"So Senpai…." Sakura cocked her head to the side and took in the sight before her, "is this normal for you?"

"Well," Shirou replied, looking both proud and embarrassed, "Ever since I got a lot more experience it has become rather common. Especially for first timers."

"Ok. Interesting that… Wait?! First time! How… No I'll ask her myself later," mused the Matou, "I often get a similar response. How long does it last?" the woman leaned in, fascinated.

Shirou hesitated.

"How long on average or the longest ever?" he asked for clarification.

"Both please," was the answer as Sakura became distracted by Zelretch's actions, "could you stop that please," she chided the sorcerer.

"Nope." Zelretch exaggerated the p by making a loud popping noise with his mouth.

"Really Zel you…." attempted Shirou but he was cut off by the vampire sticking out his tongue and blowing a raspberry.

The two reality marble owners sighed in unison and with a few glances came to a silent agreement to ignore the stubborn and childish behavior of the old man. A short and awkward silence followed before Shirou picked up where they had left off.

"Usually it only lasts a couple of minutes. It wouldn't do for things to get cold while it is happening. The longest ever was just over 7 hours I think. I wasn't keeping track at the time," Shirou smiled, "Rin would probably be upset with me if she heard I hadn't recorded such important research data,"

"So she takes her studies that seriously then? I must say I'm impressed with how long it can last. That's some impressive staying power. I wonder how well mine will work. I will keep it warm so we can find out," Sakura nearly imitated Zelretch out of pure curiosity but managed to hold herself back. Her actions were noticed by the grandfatherly man who let out a burst of giggles before returning to his current amusement.

"Yeah, Rin is probably the most dedicated person I have ever met in that regards. She is tireless about her studies and I admire it," Shirou didn't notice the slight fall in his counterparts expression, "Much like I admire your determination as well Sakura. Especially since you managed to manifest your own reality marble," The woman in question forgot all about her jealousy of Rin and blushed lightly, "how long do you usually knock people out for?"

"Oh," Sakura reorganized her thoughts away from her Senpai and onto what he was saying, "a few minutes, much like you, but the longest I have ever seen was shy of 3 hours by a minute or two. I have a lot to learn,"

The two looked on impassively as Rider mimicked the actions of her master from a moment ago. The servant slowly raised her arm and almost copied Zelretch, but stopped prematurely. However, the pause only lasted a moment before the blindfolded woman did what Sakura did not and followed through. The two observers did not react other than with slightly raised eyebrows.

"We do have to keep in mind that she has been denying this for months," theorized Shirou, "all while constantly being exposed. It could have caused an excessive reaction."

"Or maybe you outdid yourself this time. Or perhaps it has something to do with the ingredients being made from my marble," conjectured Sakura.

"It could be connected to the state of our combined worlds as well. Maybe we should run some more tests…"

"It appears Sis has been rubbing off on you. She will probably turn us both into research nuts before long," she sighed fondly.

"Her personality is forceful some of… well most of the time. Except when someone is being particularly crazy," Shirou came to a realization, "which will now happen a lot more with you here. Oh this will be fun," he announced with a hint of manic glee in his eyes.

"I could never say no to teasing Rin," agreed the purple haired woman, "although…" she coughed loudly to get the attention of the two aware people in front of her, "sometimes it gets taken a bit too far," she smiled radiantly, "so please stop that," her expression was the soul of innocence.

Rider and Zelretch did not look guilty in the least, with Rider remaining impassive as always and Zelretch maintaining his grin. They did stop poking Rin's dazed face though and stepped back in unison from the woman.

Still in place on the bench, with her fork positioned just in front of her mouth, was a frozen Rin Tohsaka. She remained rigidly in place where she had been after her first bite of Shirou's scone like a well made and colored statue. Her mouth was closed and locked mid chew while her eyebrows attempted to merge with her hairline. The most notable feature of Statue Rin was her eyes.

The still blue orbs stared straight ahead and past everything in front of her. Wide and unfocused, they ignored the impossible spectacle of two colliding worlds and looked beyond the visible. Deep within Rin's eyes was a spark of untamed wonder and absolute bliss. They were the eyes of someone who was seeing color for the first time, or a man being given water after days in the desert. They were the eyes of someone who was discovering something they had been missing for a lifetime, but had never noticed until this exact moment.

While the overall effect was both a little creepy and a little funny, it mainly filled Shirou with a sense of fulfillment. This was his dream becoming real. This was his own path to being a hero.

"Since Sakura is being a killjoy, what are we supposed to do until she comes around?" inquired Zelretch.

Shirou and Sakura opened their mouths to say who knows what, but were cut off as someone let out a sudden gasp.

Rin was awake.

* * *

Shirou, Sakura, Zelretch, and Rider all looked on in curiosity as the spaced out magus returned to reality.

Rin blinked once, swallowed and said nothing as she reached for the dish on the table she had not tried yet.

Her audience blinked as she took a bite of Sakura's offering, chewed a few times and froze once more with her eyes sparkling.

* * *

"Well that lasted long," deadpanned Shirou.

"I… was not expecting that," was all Sakura managed.

Zelretch resumed his earlier behavior and began poking the unresponsive Rin again. Neither Shirou nor Sakura bothered to stop him this time. Rider managed to restrain herself from following the sorcerer's lead and simply watched the proceedings.

"Should we wait for her to come to?" ventured the one whose cooking was just sampled, "It doesn't usually last that long with my food so it wouldn't be too troublesome."

"Well she immediately went for more when she did wake up. And there is no telling if she will do so again. I think we should find something to do while we wait," was Shirou's input.

Zelretch took the suggestion to heart and began chuckling darkly as he pulled a black marker from somewhere on his person. The others present were not aware that the sound of uncapping a writing implement could be so ominous.

"Maybe something other than that," sighed Shirou with exasperation. It didn't stop Zelretch in the slightest.

"Well why don't we move on with the Shokugeki then?" asked Sakura, "we still have two functional judges so they could give their opinions and we could talk about our dishes to pass the time," she lowered her head and looked up shyly. Clearly not expecting her suggestion to be taken seriously.

"That's a wonderful idea Sakura," encouraged Shirou as he jumped on board, "have some faith in yourself, you are inside your own world after all."

Rider nodded her own agreement.

A dull snapping noise indicated that Zelretch had capped his marker. He looked inordinately pleased with himself.

"My work here is done! Let us begin the judging," the sorcerer spun his marker between his fingers before stowing it away.

Rider and Zelretch retook their seats on either side of the unresponsive Rin, both eyeing their empty plates.

"You…. wouldn't happen to…. Have more? Would you?" came a hesitant and quiet question. Everyone, minus Rin, stared in surprise at hearing Rider use her voice. The servant, who did not particularly enjoy the attention looked down and let her hair curtain her face. It only lasted a moment as Shirou produced another plated scone as if by … magic. It did not take much longer for Sakura to hand another stick of Dango to the still embarrassed Rider who focused on her food rather than her spectators.

"Since my compatriot is currently occupied, I would like to take the lead," stated Zelretch as Rider dug into the provided tea time snacks, "The scone tasted beautifully of oranges and was quite refreshing, especially the glaze which really ensured the robustness of the oranges. The tea was a wonderful blend of the 'Earl Grey' variety, if I am not mistaken. A wonderful homage to our host country," he leaned in with a conspiratorial whisper, "Plus I am partial to some 'Earl Grey, hot' myself," Zelretch straightened and continued, "While each offering was delectable on its own, neither had a distinctive flair," Sakura and Rider seemed surprised, but Shirou waited calmly for Zelretch to finish, "However, when combined the two formed an unparalleled union of flavors that surpass the individual components," the creator of the kaleidoscope steepled his fingers and stared over them at the chefs, "I find it difficult to compare any creation, even the one provided by the master of the wishing well, to stand up to. I must cast my vote for Shirou Emiya whose dish woke my lethargic mind and stimulated my taste buds with its combined beauty," the red eyed man pushed forward the plate containing crumbs of an orange glazed scone.

Shirou was obviously pleased by the vote of confidence and victory, but held his enthusiasm as he and Sakura turned to the other judge who was capable of coherent thought. Rider was still busy consuming her second round of otherworldly food but managed to sense the attention. She looked up and deduced what was required of her and silently pushed forward the plate that had held Sakura's offering of Dango.

Shirou turned to Sakura.

"That doesn't help much, we apparently each have an admirer of our craft," he was greeted by three heads nodding in understanding, "so let's explain what we did while we wait for the tie breaker," Shirou gestured to Rin who was still staring at nothing, "and hope for the best."

When no one argued the male chef took it as a sign to continue.

"My dish took two commonly combined flavors and split them apart, so the combined effect was the same but existed in distinct forms," he gestured to the teacups he had served, "I served a custom blend of 'Earl Grey' tea as identified by Zel. In other words a tea based off of black leaves and infused with oil of bergamot. While a classic in its own right, it has several variations that are popular throughout the world," he held out a hand and an orange formed in it, "One such variation is called 'Lady Grey" which is the aforementioned tea flavored with Seville Oranges, or Bitter Oranges. To complete my dish I served the standard 'Earl Grey' tea, but complemented it with scones prepared with said oranges," an orange materialized in Shirou's hand, "Seville Oranges are called bitter oranges because they are far more tart than the standard orange, and thus create a more noticeable flavor. By separating the two flavors into two forms, but still serving them together my dish contains two elements of distinct flavor that also merge together to create a greater, established taste," he swept into a low bow, "Instead of 'Lady Grey' tea, I call it 'The Earl and his Lady'"

"And how marvelous it is!" contributed Zelretch, applauding.

"Amazing Senpai, I still have much to learn," Sakura had produced a notepad from floating prana and was rapidly scribbling in it.

"I've wanted to try this combination for a while, but I was waiting for a special occasion," Shirou smiled brightly, "I think everyone here definitely qualifies as a special occasion."

Sakura hunched further over her notes to hide her flushing face. She started to stutter a response.

"T-t-thank you S-s-senpai but…"

"MORE!" cried Rin as she reached for the tea set in front of her. A quick gulp of Earl Grey was accompanied by three surprised stares and one surprised blindfold. Rin delicately placed the teacup back on its saucer and while pulling her arm back snagged her orange scone and brought it to her mouth. A bite later she was once again lost beyond the realm of consciousness.

There was a moment of distinct silence as everyone contemplated what they had just seen.

"It seems she might be like that for a while…" Shirou chuckled halfheartedly, "did we overdo it Sakura?"

"Senpai!?" gasped Sakura, her earlier hesitance forgotten along with her notepad, which fell to the ground, "remember your lessons. Never cook by halves," she scolded the Magus Filler with a frown, "Yukihira-Sensei would be disappointed in you,"

The scolded rubbed the back of his head, a reflex action now, and looked properly contrite.

"My apologies Sakura, you are completely right," Shirou stiffened as he had a thought, "please… if we ever see Soma-Sensei again…"

"Yes Shirou?" Sakura began to grin as she caught on to what he was afraid of. This was some good leverage for possible future teasing, or to get ahead of Rin. Plus, as a Totsuki student she knew just what kind of trouble she could get Shirou in.

"Don't tell him I questioned giving it my all when cooking… please?" the last word was far closer to a plea than Shirou would probably ever admit.

"Of course Senpai," Shirou breathed out a sigh of relief, "but…" he suddenly looked nervous and Zelretch started laughing, "you owe me a favor now," Sakura smiled angelically as a piece of her more… ruthless side leaked through. A rare event on its own, but even rarer considering it was directed at her Senpai.

Shirou recognized that smile, apparently it was genetic as he had seen it on Rin's face often enough. It never meant anything good for him, but he couldn't argue with it either… If he did she might give Soma-Sensei a call and then he might have to test his teacher's recipes again. Shirou shuddered in revulsion as his mind recalled the last time that had happened. It could be the squid tentacles and peanut butter again. He couldn't take that. Or the pickled snake chunks. Or the sour and sour steak. Or even the...

While Shirou was having his brief bout of ptsd, Sakura turned to the judges. Rider wore a hint of a proud smile at how Shirou was being treated while Zelretch had found more popcorn and then promptly thrown it away after tasting it and frowning.

"Is there anything else that should be taken into account for the results? Any final comments," she pointedly ignored the gagging noises coming from behind her, "We should try and get everything wrapped up so we are ready when Sis comes around. If you don't have anything to say I'll talk about what I made."

Rider, making up for actually speaking earlier, was even less expressive than normal and hardly moved. The barest shake of her head and resulting ripple in her hair was the only indication of her negative response to the question. Sakura, in deference to her servant's unwillingness to stand out, barely acknowledged the gesture. The lack of attention she gave to Rider might have been construed as dismissive by some, but Sakura and Rider knew better. They both knew that their bond was deep and based on their similar experiences throughout life. Rider would be there for Sakura whenever she needed her, whether anyone noticed or not.

The Matou turned her attention to the sorcerer who was spitting out as much of his popcorn as he could.

"Nasty stuff," he wiped his mouth as best he could, "I really need to repress my popcorn summoning reflex when I'm having Shirou's cooking. And now your cooking as well, Miss Matou. While useful in normal comedic circumstances it is rather counter productive to produce such low quality snacks just after having divine examples of the cooking craft," an absentminded wave of an aged hand vanished the remaining kernels and bucket, "to answer your question, I do not have anything substantial to add other than what I just mentioned. I would rate your cooking to be of the same quality as Shirou's in general, but in this instance I stand by my decision. His dish was more complete as a whole in addition to being simply delicious."

"I see, thank you for your honesty Wizard Marshall, " she smiled knowingly at Zelretch, "and please, no need to be so formal. Sakura would be fine."

"Of course" came the enthusiastic response, "I love how many people are actually willing to call me out on things these days," the pseudo immortal was quite pleased.

"I try… Zel," Sakura offered hesitantly and was rewarded with a beaming vampire. She let out a quick sigh of relief and returned the smile. She had been worried about going too far for a moment, but Shirou's earlier use of the nickname had given her some confidence.

"Oh not you too," muttered Rin as she reached for the remaining dango on her plates, "calling a sorcerer by …" she cut off in the middle of her sentence as she bit into the sweet and froze once more, eyes unfocusing.

"Don't worry, she will come around eventually," input Shirou as he rejoined the discussion while wiping his mouth, "especially with Sakura around to help me break down the resistance."

"Welcome back Senpai. I hope you are feeling better," Sakura was cheerful and there was no sign of her earlier… disposition… towards Shirou.

"Much, thank you. If I heard correctly we have everything out of the way but you talking about your dango?"

"Mmhmm," Zelretch chimed in with a noise of agreement, "the wonderfully bold young lady and I had just finished having a wonderful moment when you came back. I have no doubt that with the both of you working together my newest student will be immune to insanity, in all its varying degrees and forms, in no time," he poked the insensate Rin absentmindedly, "thank you again for agreeing to help with that Shirou."

"Of course Zel, now I believe we should yield the floor to Sakura before she gets impatient. Based on what I have seen, even I would not enjoy that experience," the two males shared a brief look that conveyed their inner shudders.

"Thank you," the currently polite Sakura took the offered opening, "For my dish I also used the idea of complimentary flavors, but I kept them within the same dish rather than making two parts of a single whole. I suppose that might have been an oversight seeing as my tea selection was based on something that would go well with my dango rather than something that would complete it," a brief frown flashed across the purple haired woman's face, "but now is not the time for that. The tea was a custom blend of green tea leaves with added mint to compliment the main flavor of my dango. The dango itself was more complex," she held up a hand and half of a single dango ball appeared in it, with all of the internal layers showing, "The center is a fresh strawberry full of natural tartness. This is complimented well by the sweet red bean paste, or Anko, that forms the next layer. Holding it all together is the outer shell of mochi, a dough made from glutinous rice flour by the traditional method of pounding. The complete package combines both flavors, textures, and temperatures if served at the proper time," the example dango vanished into motes of blue light much to the disappointment of Zelretch and, if you knew what to look for, Rider, "any questions or comments?"

"Can you make more?" asked Rin as she popped the final bite of dango into her mouth before returning to silent stillness.

"That is an excellent question," Zelretch raised a finger in the air, "I second it," he glanced sideways at his hand as if it had betrayed him before slowly raising a second finger. After correcting his numerical error the grandfatherly man looked expectantly at the chefs standing in front of the judging table.

Rider smirked and raised three fingers in the air. Apparently she had recovered from the earlier attention and was back to her usual self.

"Well it seems Rin is spacing out for less time with each bite. So far so good," Shirou was more interested in the gem magus's condition than the input of the other judges.

"I could certainly make more and I would assume Senpai could do the same, but I'm not sure if he can keep up his reality marble for that long," she glanced back at the stone well in her side of the conjoined marbles, "I have plenty of power so it isn't an issue for me."

"A good point. Even the strongest Apostle Ancestors, such as myself, would have trouble keeping a reality marble sustained for long periods of time. I think the longest that it is usually pushed to is about a day," Zelretch stroked his beard in thought, "For humans such as yourselves it must be considerably less than that. It takes a lot of prana to fend off the efforts of the world to reassert itself."

"What's this about reality marbles?" Shirou turned away from his examination of Rin, "And did I hear another request to cook some more? From someone other than Rin that is."

"Yes Senpai, they all would like some more, but I am concerned about how long you can maintain your Unlimited Scone Works. It takes a lot of energy and I… we wouldn't want you to exhaust yourself."

"Hehehe," Shirou chuckled nervously earning him some confused and suspicious stares. One recently awake magus in particular was familiar with that laugh and was aware that it meant something in particular. Shirou _knew_ something. But what was important was that Rin knew that Shirou knew.

"Spill it," came the near immediate demand from the fully awake Rin Tohsaka as she brushed a few crumbs off of her sweater. She didn't bother to glance up, but Shirou still flinched reflexively as his mind provided the standard 'tell me everything or else' glare.

"Sis, what are you talking about? Are you alright?"

"Not now Sakura," dismissed the elder Tohsaka as she did actually glare at Shirou, who was attempting to hide behind Sakura, "The food was delicious and I would enjoy talking about it later, but right now I have bigger concerns. Research concerns. That hack of a magus behind you is wearing one of his looks. That one says he broke how magic is supposed to work into a million pieces and doesn't want me to find out about it," she pointed accusingly, "tell me I'm wrong Shirou."

Sakura turned her head and looked behind herself to see her fellow chef shrinking in on himself and muttering. She couldn't pick up many of the individual words but one that was clear was 'experiments'. Sakura sighed.

"Do we really need to do this now Sis? What about the Shokugeki?"

"This is far more important!" Rin's voice grew louder as she stood up from her seat at the bench, "you can be Shirou's sous chef if you just asked. The big idiot could never say no to either of us and you know it," she stepped around her somewhat stunned sister and focused on Shirou, "which is why he is going to tell me what I want to know. And since it concerns how quickly more food will get made, I'm sure the other judges will back me up on this."

Rider and Zelretch made their agreement known with a nod and a belch respectively.

"Alright…" agreed Sakura tentatively, turning to join the rest of her companions in facing Shirou, "Senpai, can you keep up your reality marble long enough to cook some more food? And does that have anything to do with what Sis is talking about?" whether on purpose or not the younger sister fell neatly into the 'good cop' role.

Seeing that he couldn't hide any longer the center of attention stood to his full height. Despite being considerably taller than both of the women in front of him Shirou still seemed to be looking up as if he was facing a court of judges.

With no way out the defendant shamelessly pleaded guilty and spilled his guts. With his hand behind his head and a sheepish expression of course.

"Well Rin… you know how some of my projections don't decay like they should right? The world doesn't recognize them as inconsistencies and therefore does not work to remove them. Well in the case of my reality marble..." he trailed off, unwilling to outright say what the girls, and Zelretch, wanted to hear even with the threatening looks he was getting. Most of those looks were from Rin.

"Shiiirroouuu," ground out the frustrated researcher, there was also a hint of disbelief and despair in the vocalization, "are you saying that the world is not currently attempting to remove the reality you forcefully imposed upon it, and are thereby not using any prana to maintain your reality marble?" the answer Rin wanted to hear and the one she expected to hear were not the same. This distressed her a great deal.

"Senpai, what do you mean your projections don't decay? Even my wish constructs do," Sakura seemed to be stuck on confusion regarding the first part of Shirou's discussion rather than the second.

Zelretch looked on in interest as he was already privy to what was distracting Sakura, but was curious about what new surprise the unpredictable magus had in store.

"Well Sakura," Shirou blatantly took an excuse to alter the subject, "I have a unique form of projection called tracing and when I 'trace' a scone it doesn't degrade at all. My traced scones remain perfect for a period of a few days then fall apart, almost as if they are naturally spoiling. In fact Rin and I have been working on…"

"Working on how you should answer my questions when I ask them," cut in Rin, "yes Sakura his projections are just as weird as he is. I can fill you in later, but right now my sanity needs to know if I'm right," she was being completely serious as she rubbed her temples. Rin recognized the early signs of a 'this shit is far to crazy to deal with' headache. At least she didn't feel like fainting was a possibility. She just felt…. Tired? Exasperated? Oh dear she really was becoming jaded to Shirou's escapades.

A period of silence reigned briefly before being snuffed out like a candle.

"That was a _hint_ to get back on track with your explanation Shirou," Rin's tone was dry, "you are so dense sometimes."

"He has been like that as long as I can remember," commiserated Sakura. The two sisters closed their eyes and sighed in unison at the antics of their shared crush. A crush that was acknowledged by varying degrees depending on the sister. When the two looked up they noticed a distinct lack of Shirou.

"What? Senpai?"

"Shirou I will do horrible things to your kitchen."

"NO RIN! MY KITCHEN!" came a strangled yell from behind the women.

They turned around in unison, taking in the lazily smiling Rider who hadn't moved along with… Zelretch and Shirou.

"Looking for this ladies?" Zelretch inquired politely as he held Shirou by the neck of his shirt, letting the red haired magus dangle above the ground in a clearly uncomfortable position, "he tried to make a break for it when you were distracted," the vampire carried the escapee back to the judge's bench and sat him down in Rin's previous spot before sitting himself down as well. Shirou found himself trapped elbow to elbow with a heroic spirit and a sorcerer, much like Rin had been earlier.

"Now where were we?" Rin took the lead and tapped her chin as if thinking, "ah yes. Shirou. Did you break thaumaturgy again? And this time with something as taboo as a reality marble?"

"Well it's not exactly like you said. The world doesn't just ignore my reality marble," Shirou averted his eyes and spoke quietly. He knew how Rin would likely react when he finished revealing his secrets. It did not bode well for his future that he was about to give the research nut another thing to study. At least she didn't do dissections like many of the other magi…. at least no too often.

Rin sighed in relief. Maybe her sanity could rest in peace for once. Then Shirou opened his mouth again and she was dissuaded of that notion.

"Instead it simply takes some things from my reality marble as tribute. Apparently it also likes my scones. Why else would the ovens in my reality marble be constantly running if I wasn't making scones all the time? Most of them just go to the world so it doesn't try and destroy my world," Shirou realized he was getting a lot of looks with varying expressions and hastily continued to justify himself, "It's not like I can use Unlimited Scone Works for free! It takes a lot of energy to start up even if there isn't a need to feed it upkeep prana. I don't see what the big deal is. I'm just a good cook."

Rider, Sakura, and even Zelretch were stunned. Thunk... Thunk. Rin was busy hitting her head off of the hardwood table.

"Shirou," Thunk, "you can keep your reality," Thunk, "marble up indefinitely," Thunk, "because you," angry glare. Thunk, " _bribe_ the spiritual existences that embody the concept of the planet we live on… with scones," Rin got angry, completely ignoring how well she was taking the revelation considering her track record, "What part of that is remotely normal! You are not normal! And neither is anything you spend anytime near at all!" the ever shrinking rational part of her mind noted that her statement indicated that she herself wasn't normal either. That part was once again beaten into silence by the rest of Rin's brain as it worked overtime to process the latest insanity. Luckily repeated exposure had made the task efficient enough that it no longer required a hard reboot of Rin's entire body. It was still tiring though so Rin slumped down and cradled her head in her hands.

Zelretch recovered first and started laughing uproariously.

"And people wonder why I don't wander dimensions as much these days! You just can't find this kind of entertainment anywhere else!" he threw a companionable arm around the trapped Shirou, "maybe I should make you my apprentice as well. Then Rin would never get a break," coming to a realization the apostle suddenly calmed and looked thoughtful, "hmmm. I might actually have to give that some thought. I might be able to learn something new myself,"

A blazing blue eye, peaking between fingers, dared Zelretch to keep following his line of thought.

"If you want me to ever be your apprentice I'm adding the condition that you can't have Shirou as one as well," Rin's voice was absolute.

"Does that mean you are considering accepting?" was the very serious reply.

The exposed eye disappeared behind its owner's hands as Sakura regained her senses and spoke up. Rider was also fine but was more concerned with ensuring that her master was as well, not to mention she wasn't very vocal in the first place.

"Senpai… that's…" the potential sous chef's voice was heavy with disbelief and Rin felt herself agreeing with her sister for once. It _was_ pretty unbelievable, "AMAZING! I have so much to learn about cooking!"

Annnnnnnd Rin's sense of agreement was gone. Why did she even get her hopes up.

"You know what, screw it," she mumbled and let her resistance crumble and took the plunge. Something needed to change, might as well be her. The fragmented thoughts running through Rin's head as she tried to deal with the surrounding abnormalities snapped together into a rigid sense of order as she mentally accepted several facts and came to some decisions. Her disorganized thoughts did not merge perfectly, in fact one might describe the result as 'cracked'.

 **Fact** : Shirou and Sakura both had reality marbles and access to absurdly strong or simply broken forms of magic.

 **Fact** : Rin did not have a reality marble (thank goodness, it meant she was still mostly sane) or any particularly unique magic.

 **Fact** : Rin did not like this much.

 **Fact** : The above statement vastly understates the strength of Rin's dislike for the situation. Her pride as a magus was great. She was a prodigy.

 **Decision** : Rin was going to do something about it.

 **Fact** : Zelretch had offered to teach Rin a True Magic.

 **Fact** : Zelretch was just as crazy or even worse than Shirou.

 **Fact** : Rin did not particularly want to study under Zelretch, but…

 **Decision** : Rin was going to be the Sorcerer's apprentice anyway.

 **Fact** : Rin was very concerned about her current sanity and the future of her sanity.

 **Fact** : Thinking in facts, decisions, and pseudo third person was not a good sign considering the last fact.

 **Decision** : Rin needed more food. Specific food. Prepared by specific people.

 **Decision** : Rin was going to stand up and la;dl;gaoidn;d….

Rin shook her head fiercely to clear out some of the crazy cobwebs that had taken root. It might have worked, but then again maybe it hadn't…. Not that Rin cared overmuch, the world was much simpler now that she had come to a _decision_. The way forward was clear.

Rin stood up.

"I'll interrogate the idiot some more later, but right now…" Sakura, Shirou, Rider, and even Zelretch blinked in surprise as a manic grin grew ever wider on Rin's face. They all took a step back as they saw the tiniest of sparks ignite behind clear blue eyes. A spark of insanity. The effect was only intensified by certain additions to the magus's face causing Sakura and Shirou to feel the urge to cower as the eyes turned to gaze at them. Rin Tohsaka's voice was clear and commanding unlike the chaos dancing behind her expression.

"Get back in the kitchen."

* * *

A small pile of empty dishes cluttered the end of the table while five people contentedly lounged in comfy, individual chairs (courtesy of the Wishing Well). A loud belch was heard and another echoed from nearby. Behind the satiated group were two immaculate kitchens, polished and shining. As time passed the counters, cabinets, and other components slowly faded and dissolved into glowing motes of prana. It was altogether a serene atmosphere.

"So Sis, are you feeling better?" asked Sakura as she felt her lethargy begin to wear off. She turned her head and noted that her sister was the furthest upright of the group and was still nursing a cup of tea.

"I don't recall being unwell Sakura," Rin took a full sip and let out a pleased sigh.

"Well it _was_ your first time after all," the purple haired chef giggled as she received a glare, "but in all seriousness, you did seem somewhat off right around the end of the judging," Sakura was relaxed but still felt a measure of unease at recalling the look in Rin's eyes.

"I don't know what you are talking about," Rin's expression held curiosity, "although I do remember coming to a decision," she turned to Zelretch who was slumped particularly far in his chair, "Wizard Marshal Zelretch, I formally accept your offer of tutelage."

The aged 'man' sprung to alertness at record speed and hastily composed himself and straightened his shirt and mantle before standing. He gracefully bowed with an arm extended to his side.

"I am honored Rin Tohsaka. Shall we work out the details later?" he glanced around, "this does not seem to be the best place to discuss such business."

"I would prefer to do so shortly, and I believe we are just about finished here anyway?" Rin addressed the question to Sakura and Shirou.

"Unless anyone has any further requests we certainly are," replied Shirou as his fellow chef nodded.

A brief glance shared between the entire group showed agreement so the two distorted magi dismissed their inner worlds. The endless ovens went dark and the sun sunk below the horizon as the gleaming instruments in the sky faded. The stone well sunk into the ground and the shifting lines stilled even as the empty sky became somehow emptier. As the realms unmade themselves Rin stood and joined Zelretch.

"Shall we adjourn to my workshop? Or perhaps you have another location in mind?"

"Your workshop should work well for now, thank you for inviting me in," the wine red eyes twinkled, "I always feel just a little guilty when I barge in."

Four snorts summarized how believable Zelretch's statement was.

The comfortable chairs vanished into nothingness and the floor itself soon became the tile of the Clocktower cafeteria. The ceiling slowly faded into view as Rin turned to her sister, her servant, and the idiot.

"I shall meet up with you all later. I wish to catch up with my sister in a more private setting and Shirou… you own me some explanations and experiments," they were not requests.

"Of course Sis," Sakura smiled happily.

"Now Rin," Shirou began, fully intending to ask nicely (beg) for mercy, "maybe we could…"

The Scone Saint trailed off and froze while staring at something behind Rin. She turned around and came nearly face to face with a very stern looking Saber.

"Shirou Emiya," intoned the serious servant who had clearly been waiting for the reality marbles to drop with her hands folded atop her invisible sword as it stuck out of the floor tiles, "I demand recompense for…." the petite blond trailed off as she caught sight of Rin's face.

"What is it Saber? Feel free to do what you wish to Shirou, he dragged me into this and I now have pressing business,"

"Master, why do you wear the traditional moustache and evil goatee of those despicable Frenchmen from across the sea? And why are your eyebrows so angry in appearance?" Saber's green eyes were curious and she tilted her head to the side, sidetracking from her earlier statement.

"What?" Rin was honestly confused while Zelretch failed to contain a smirk and some laughter, "he drew on my face didn't he," she deadpanned, "ah," after a deep, calming breath Rin continued, "Very well, Zelretch let us be on our way I believe Shirou and Saber are about to have a discussion."

Shirou, who had been attempting to edge away, froze at her words and Saber's head whipped around to focus on him. Sakura stepped closer to Rider raised a hand to cover her growing smile.

"Indeed," the servant uprooted her blade and paced towards the sweating magus, "I demand recompense, for you did not alert me of a chance to partake of your most impressive fare," her eyes narrowed, "I am most displeased at this insult,"

"S-S-Saber I didn't mean any insult," Shirou waved his hands frantically in front of himself.

"All will be well, I have a task that I believe is well suited to your talents that shall balance the scales."

Shirou was visible relieved.

"So what do you need Saber?"

"I would like you to assist me in fulfilling my wish," the King of Knights stopped before the uneasy Shirou and stared up into his eyes.

"That seems like a tall order. Didn't you want to undo your rule as king? You know I don't approve of that idea," Shirou felt much more at ease simply discussing wishes or cooking than trying to figure out how to appease a slighted woman.

"I remember well your opinions Shirou, and I have long since discarded my… misguided plan. Instead I wish to care and guard the nation my country has become. In such an endeavor I request you aid," it was not a request.

Saber dismissed her weapon and extended her hand which Shirou took to seal the agreement.

"I would be happy to help," and he certainly was until Saber spoke up again.

"Good. Your first task is to become the King of England."

"What."

* * *

 **Omake:** The World Ends With…. Magical Girls?

 **A Different Universe: Hell… maybe**

Serafall Leviathan, one of the four Satans who ruled over the domain of hell, was crying. One of the most powerful existences of the three legendary powers of Hell, Heaven, and the Fallen was slumped on the ground and shaking with each of her sobs. Despite her young and beautiful appearance, Serafall was not a pretty crier. Her long black hair was in disarray and spread around her across the rough rock. Her makeup was smudged and running while a thin trail of snot dangled just under one of her nostrils. Her clothes were covered in dust and dirt kicked up from the surroundings.

Anyone familiar with the upbeat devil would shocked by her current state and immediately wonder what could have possibly happened.

Looking closer would have revealed an even more confusing and possibly terrifying sight. The splintered remains of a fake magic wand/staff were scattered around the sobbing girl. Shards of a golden star and pink lacquered wood littered the area.

This was terrifying because said wand had been one of the satan's most treasured possessions. It had been gifted to her by Sona Sitri making it doubly precious. First because it was a gift from her beloved younger sister, and second because it was beyond rare that the serious Sona ever supported Serafall's eccentricities.

So how had this come to pass? How had such a treasured possession of such a powerful individual been shattered?

Serafall had done it herself in a fit of unimaginable rage, which also explained the vast craters and gouges in the solid red rock that extended in every direction from the grieving Satan.

What had caused such anger in the cheerful girl? And in great enough quantities that she would break her treasured toy wand?

Well.

They had canceled her show.

The Underworld TV Network had _cancelled_ her show.

She had been the main character.

The beloved Miracle Levia-tan, magical girl of love and justice, would no longer bring joy to the hearts of all.

How dare they.

How _dare_ they.

Thinking about it roused Serafall's anger even through her tears and searing beam of raw power carved another trench from the rock, leaving an icy canyon behind. A wretched scream of sorrow and rage tore itself from the girl's throat and echoed across the scarred and empty landscape.

At least it had been empty.

An aged gentleman in a black mantle secured by golden cords ran a hand through his grey hair and stroked his matching beard as a swirling portal of kaleidoscopic colors faded behind him. He was standing in the middle of the freshly made and newly iced scar on the landscape.

"Well that was close. It's a good thing we didn't pop in a second or two earlier," he let out an impressed whistle as he looked down the length of the trench and failed to see its end.

The Leviathan stopped crying, but the intruder didn't appear to notice her as he began looking left and right like he had lost something.

"Ruby? Ruby?," he sighed and pulled out a cane which he used to scratch his head, "Root damn it. Probably ran off again."

An out of place twinkling sound, there was no other way to describe it, issued from behind Serafall and the new arrival spun on a dime to glare right at her. Or rather, beyond her. The man's eyes widened as he took in the disheveled devil even as she listlessly turned her head. She didn't have the energy to care, but peaked through her hanging hair anyway.

Hovering on pink wings was a five pointed golden star encircled by a matching golden ring. It was the source of the strangely… cute sound from just before and even though it lacked eyes Serafall could tell that it was looking at her.

"Ruby…." came a hesitant and warning call from the dark clad man Serafall could no longer see.

"Hello!" a boisterous and energetic female voice addressed the listlessly staring devil. It seemed to come from the strange star as it bobbed up and down in the air. Serafall's head slowly lowered as she went back to staring at the ground. A few silent tears ran across her face before the floating object continued.

"Would you like to be a magical girl?" the golden star inched closer to the girl who had gone rigid. The man mumbled a worried 'oh dear' but didn't move.

"W-W-What?" the distressed devil spoke in voice hoarse from crying and screams.

A red handle extended from the encircled star as it flew a single circuit around Serafall.

"I am Kaleidostick Magical Ruby and it is my purpose to find a worthy magical girl who wishes to fight for justice!"

"Heh Heh HAHAHAHAHA," ragged laughter spilled from the Leviathan's mouth.

Justice.

She needed justice.

Justice…. And vengeance.

Her head rose jerkily and behind her curtain of hair her eyes began to glow a baleful red. Twin points of crimson flame shown from the shadows of her hair and locked onto the floating rod. A vicious grin spread across the visible portion of the girl's face as she reached out and grabbed the Kaleidostick.

"All right!" cheered the mystic code.

"Uh oh," offered the Wizard Marshal Zelretch as the powerful being he could sense in front of him began to laugh again. He silently slid into a fresh portal and closed it behind himself.

Serafall… no… the Leviathan… no… Magical Girl Miracle Levia-tan could feel the power of the magic wand she had grasped. It was a portal to infinite possibility and power that she could use and control.

"Yessssss," it was a guttural growl that escaped her lips. She drew power to and into herself, letting it cradle her body and wipe away the dirt and stains. A wicked wind sprang into existence and whipped her hair into a frenzy as the magical girl was reborn. She began to float into the air as light blossomed under her skin until she shone like a sun.

They would pay for their transgressions.

Her show would be avenged.

With power and pain.

With love and justice.

She would show them all.


	7. Chapter 7: Revelations

**Author's Musings:**

My existence is real! I apologize for the massive delay, but I won't make excuses. I could have finished this earlier. My writing pace should pick up again after this.

On the plus side, during my break I noticed an overuse of the word 'was' in my writing. As in the word 'was' appeared between 100 and 200 times in all of my other chapters. That is a lot. In this chapter was was (hehe) used only 33 (37 counting these musings) times. Hopefully it makes my writing a bit more active and less a list of descriptions. Please let me know if you notice a difference.

In regards to the chapter, my planned events continue to extend themselves as I write. Which means more chapters overall. Yay!? So mostly exposition and setup this time, but it should lead to interesting things. Next chapter will mark a return to both sillier and more awesome things as we will see Rin learning from Zel and some other events set up below.

Seeing as I don't want to keep the chapter from you any longer I'll stop typing here.

As always: Enjoy! Let me know what works, what doesn't, and if you have any questions.

 **Disclaimer:**

I do not own anything related to Fate/Stay Night or anything else that is referenced below in any way shape or form.

* * *

 **An Alternate Universe: Emiya Household**

"So is everyone else back home ok?" the faint voice of servant Baker barely reached Archer's ears. He imperceptibly leaned forward and carefully channeled more prana to his ears, reinforcing them. The sounds of the house began to gain volume as his hearing improved and he monitored the level of power input to ensure he didn't overdo it and overload his current form. The early hour, before dawn, helped a great deal as the background noises were at a minimum, lessening the chance of making his hearing too sensitive and lowering the amount of reinforcement required.

"That's the first thing you ask about? Us?" Rin's… Ruby's voice was much clearer so Archer stopped the gradual increase in prana and maintained the current level of enhancement. This conversation would prove interesting to the counter guardian and he didn't want to miss any of it. Baker was clearly another possible future of Shirou Emiya, and a drastically different one from himself at that. It brought out some interesting feelings in the counter guardian. He didn't think he would ever feel relieved, or encouraged, by knowing at least one Shirou Emiya had found a different path, but he was, at least a little.

On the other hand it also deepened his own cynicism and bitter hatred for his younger self. Why was he the one stuck in this hellish cycle of death and destruction? Why couldn't he have found a better way than selling his existence to the world? Baker was living, or rather existing, proof that other ways existed. It hadn't been an issue at first, but now everytime Archer saw him it only served to remind him of his old dream and how it had betrayed him. It infuriated him. Which led to his current eavesdropping, and trying to learn as much about his alternate as possible so that he could decide upon his course of action. Not that he hadn't already decided, he just wanted to be sure. It paid to have all the information.

"What else would I be worried about?" Baker's voice carried a note of confusion. Archer shook his head and held in a sigh. He had seen it often enough and had even experienced it himself at one point even if the memories were fading. Only one future remained.

"You! You idiot!" as expected, the elder Tohsaka's reply mixed anger, resignation, and sadness, "you should worry about yourself. After all you are the one who… d-d-di…" she cut off with a choking sob, unable to finish her sentence. Something unexpected to be sure, usually she just berated him for being so selfless. Then again, since heroic spirits were deceased, Baker must have died in his original time and that could cause a different reaction.

A rustle of movement and a couple of patting noises reached his ears. Archer assumed that Baker was comforting the distressed Ruby, probably with a hug, as he murmured soothingly. The muffled sobs only grew in volume, something that Archer had not expected. He had never witnessed a Rin Tohsaka losing control in such a manner, even the times he had killed Shirou in front of her.

"It's ok Rin. You can cry here. It's safe," Archer felt no shame whatsoever about spying on such a private moment. In fact he patiently awaited the approaching outburst. No version of Rin would break down like this and let herself be consoled without at least a little yelling.

The comforting whispers continued for a time along with the occasional wet sob. Any time now… Rin would smack Baker good. A little childish and petty maybe, but Archer found himself looking forward to it.

And cue Baker beating….

In 3...2...1…

The quiet sounds of crying slowly died away and were never replaced by indignant shouts or unprovoked rage. Disappointing to be sure, but the counter guardian pushed the fleeting emotion away as his counterpart spoke more meaningful words, still in a gentle tone.

"And yes Rin, I died. That is exactly the point," Ruby let out a strangled noise, not pain but close, as if hearing the word out loud made it more real. Another shifting noise and Archer could picture Baker tightening his embrace of the distressed magus, "Rin, just listen to me. I'm a heroic spirit now. It's not like I can die again, even if I'm killed," a sniff greeted his words, but no further protests, so the servant continued, "plus I won't even lose my memories after being summoned thanks to the deal I set up with the world using my… special talents."

A sense could not be reinforced to the point where it could pick up other phenomena, but Archer swore he heard the half-hearted glare Baker received.

Slight impossibilities aside, the words set the eavesdropping servant on edge. Three words kept repeating in his head.

"Deal"

"World"

"Talents"

Together the words implied that the Shirou Emiya in the other room had made a pact with the planet itself. A familiar concept, as Archer had made such a deal himself when he became a counter guardian and started down his blood soaked path of regret. Had this Shirou done the same? Had he made the same mistake? Were there two counter guardian EMIYAs running around slaughtering humanity in order save it? Well theoretically there could/should be infinite due to the nature of alternate universes, but he had never seen another before.

Archer silently grit his teeth. This information troubled him, but didn't change his decision yet. The world had not supplied any information about another guardian when Rin had summoned him to this universe, so he should be free to act as he saw fit.

And then there was the fact that Rin/Ruby hadn't been surprised by Baker's words, and Archer knew she was intelligent enough to make the same connection he had, so she must have already known and yet she did nothing. Another oddity as every Rin who had summoned him and discovered his identity and role as a counter guardian had been… displeased to say the least. The more he learned the more questions he had about this duo. Questions were not something Archer needed at the moment.

Realizing he had missed a small portion of the conversation the counter guardian pushed aside his inner thoughts and listened once more.

"...either way the point is that however upset you might be about this, worrying does nothing because nothing bad can happen to me now that I'm immortally preserved in the throne of heroes, which is a real nice place by the way," well that marked a strike against the counter guardian theory, but it could still be true, "With some effort it's possible to mingle with other legends, kinda like visiting a friend's house. You would not believe some of the conversations I've had with chef Ramsay, he's usually a berserker, and Hohenheim's alchemy was fascinating when compared to tracing, but I digress," a small frown formed on Archer's face, Shirou Emiyas were rarely so… so… _happy_.

It didn't last for long though and Baker's voice became almost wistful.

"While I miss you and the others more than anything, I am...ok at the very least. So, and I know this is horribly hypocritical, worry about yourself Rin. If I had to guess you have been working your ass off since I passed, without stopping to rest much either, just to track me down?" the servant's statement was only half a question, but no response came forth, just another sound of shifting cloth, "That's what I thought," Rin must have nodded then, "That can't have been healthy or pleasant. Especially for the others. You get worked up when one of your projects is important. And that is putting it politely."

"Shiiiirou," the name came out rough from crying, but the tone carried a barely hidden threat. At least some things about Rin never changed. Baker seemed to be willingly riling up the usually short tempered magus though. Never a good idea in Archer's book.

"I wish I could have gotten a picture of you throwing yourself into my arms and crying. Sakura would have loved it and I'm sure I could have convinced Zel to take a copy as well. I could always tell them about it I suppose," Baker's teased playfully, but the words struck home. The sounds of a slight scuffle ensued.

"Let go of me so I can hit you!" it seemed Ruby was trying, and failing, to exact her revenge, "Root help me Shirou I will do horrible things to your kitchen!" a quiet laugh came from the threatened servant.

"Now there is the Rin I know and love. It's good to have you back," at the word 'love' the struggling noises ceased, "It doesn't become you to be so… sad and you have probably been bottling this up for far too long. So I'll count this as a win for me, especially since I doubt you would ever do anything to my kitchen at this point. If Sakura and Saber haven't made a shrine out of it yet then you have my permission to take a crack at it."

Rin made some mumbling noises of agreement and defeat.

"Thought so. Speaking of time, how long has it been on your side of things? I kinda lost track in the throne." with barely any sound to indicate it, Archer could easily picture Baker rubbing the back of his head and smiling, "And did everything work out after I… left? Did I manage to save everyone?"

Rin loosed a tired sigh, but no more tears as she answered fondly.

"Yes you idiot. You were a big damn hero. As always"

Well that clinched it for Archer. Baker still wanted to save everyone, was supposedly a hero, and might be bound to the world as well. These two were far too unpredictable and potentially dangerous to even think about approaching as allies and would likely be a bad influence on Shirou. They would definitely object to his current objective as well, another strike against them. With this information it surprised, or worried, Archer that they hadn't even mentioned Archer's goal, since they were obviously familiar with him and appeared to be protective of Shirou.

He shrugged mentally, with all the information so far he could officially write Baker and Ruby off as non concerns when figuring out who his plans would affect and pencil them down as potential secondary objectives and definite threats. His eavesdropping accomplished, Archer decided to continue listening purely out of curiosity.

"Feeling better now Rin? Or should I call you Ruby?" she sniffed lightly before the answer came.

"Yeah, I suppose I am. Thanks Shirou," he could imagine the satisfied smile on Baker's face, "and either name is fine when we are alone."

"See. I knew you had bottled it up for too long. You don't always have to be the self controlled mage. It's ok to not be strong because the others would support you, just like you support them," a brief pause stretched into an uncomfortable silence, "Rin… why are you looking at me like that….. fine I'll change the subject. Going back to my earlier question, how long has it been?"

"Hmmm?"

"Rin, don't try and act like you don't understand. I of all people know how scarily intelligent you are, emphasis on scary" Archer could agree with that statement and he found himself nodding along subconsciously.

"Oh? I'm frightening? Do I need to give you an actual reason to be afraid?" even far away Archer noticed the light dimming. Apparently unaffected by the aura of malice Shirou called Rin out immediately.

"You're still trying to dodge the question,"

"I'm both proud and annoyed at how much more perceptive you've become since you met me. If I had done the same thing to the Shirou a few rooms over he would be bowing and scraping by now to avoid my wrath. Those were simpler times."

"Times when you could actually distract me from a question?" Baker firmly kept the conversation on track and Rin let out an amused snort.

"You are still just as bull headed and determined as ever though. Once you decide on something Heaven's Feel help whoever, or whatever, gets in the way," the older gem magus let out a long, reluctant breath before continuing, "it has been over seven years since I have seen you," a long silence followed and Archer blinked several times in surprise. That could explain why she broke down so dramatically when alone with Baker. Based on her apparent age she must have lived with this version of Shirou for a decent while and become very attached. A seven year separation would be painful.

"..." Shirou, the Baker version, was struck speechless so Rin filled the wordless void.

"I spent four of those years mastering the Kaleidoscope nearly a decade faster than Zel predicted. The remaining three I used to refine my technique, research the throne of heroes, and find a world you might have been summoned to," her words began to come faster, spilling out as if a confession, "Difficult doesn't even begin to describe how hard it is to find realities chronologically shifted enough, since time travel is a true magic unto itself, to be having the grail war anymore. Even then it took time to locate this reality in particular. I wasn't even sure if you would be here. I just… had to try…" she trailed off as emotion filled her voice.

'I'm sorry-" the counter guardian could feel Baker's self condemnation from his eavesdropping spot.

'NO! No apologizing Shirou. None of this. is. your. fault," Rin did not yield, "you saved us all. It's my fault that I couldn't get to you sooner and the rest had to go on missing you… I could have saved them so much pain…" she trailed off morosely. Archer raised a single white eyebrow, this Rin was undoubtedly unlike any other Rin he had encountered. She almost sounded like Shirou by trying to take all the blame.

"Now who is blaming herself? I'm sure you did nothing less than your best and no one could ever find fault in that,"

Another shifting sound reached Archer's ears and he swore he heard Ruby smile.

"Ok. Ok. Let's blame ourselves and discuss the heavy stuff later. For now let's just be happy to see each other. Deal?" he heard no immediate reply, but Archer guessed that Baker had simply nodded. It took a moment before the voices resumed, with Baker taking the lead.

"So then, avoiding bad stuff, how is everyone else doing after seven years? What are they up too while you are away?"

"Well I'm sure you could guess what Saber is up too, she just has such fun and takes it so seriously."

"She makes an excellent queen doesn't she, even if her original title was 'king'," Baker's voice contained a hint of pride. Saber a queen? of what? Archer found himself perplexed, "what about Sakura and Rider? They still inseparable?"

"Of course. They are keeping an eye… or two or three, well actually just two I suppose with the blindfold, on all of the kids," here Rin began to unmistakably brag, "they're growing up so fast, and are all so talented! I'm going to have to resume my research into duplicating or splitting hereditary crests before they start reaching the appropriate ages and Sakura is in complete agreement," Kids? whose kids? Were they hers and Shirou's? Too many questions were piling up in Archer's mind, but at least he understood the last point. If Baker's versions of Sakura and Rin were on good terms and either of them had multiple children, there was no way they wouldn't try and find a way to prevent what had happened in their family. Having to choose just one child to inherit a family's legacy could cause a myriad of problems. If Rin could solve that issue it would revolutionize magecraft in regards to heirs and inheritance. He left the implications aside for later as he had missed some of the conversation again.

"They are all such a handful, but to continue with a brief summary… Zel is wrapped up in another of his 'projects', the one I mentioned agreeing to help him with in exchange for him staying out of this reality while I found you. He says it's a brand new mystic code of some kind that utilizes the Kaleidoscope, like the jeweled sword I suppose," the eavesdropping servant could easily picture Rin with her hand on her chin and lost in thought.

"He always does come up with the most interesting things, even when it seems routine," Baker added, "although I suppose there is no such thing as 'routine' around him," Archer still found it disconcerting that these versions of himself and Rin referred to one of the most powerful true ancestors ever so casually.

When neither speaker continued an odd silence descended for a time, accompanied by what sounded like restless fidgeting. Rin gave in first and the fidgeting stopped.

"Oh fine, just stop staring so expectantly. That blonde bimbo-"

"Rin."

"Fine," Rin exhaled in exasperation before carefully and deliberately over enunciating her next word, "Lu-vi-a. Is just fine as well and has been progressing adequately in her studies. Not nearly as much as I, obviously, since the Tohsaka family line is clearly superior to that-"

"Rin," she trailed off at the repeat scolding, "it sounds like everyone is doing just fine. That's good."

"I wouldn't say we are doing great, but we are holding up. The children miss you, so does everyone else," Rin's tone became shy and Archer could picture her blushing and looking to the side, "Shirou, _I_ miss you."

"I miss you too Rin… It's…. good to see you," longing filled the servant's voice.

"It's good to see you too. Shirou," the exchange sounded awkward to Archer, but the two didn't seem to care as Rin's voice became husky, "now how about we stop talking for awhile and take advantage of being alone with everyone else still asleep?" a slight cry of surprise escaped from Shirou followed by the thumping sound of something, or more likely someone, hitting the floor. Clothes rustled, "I have a particular itch that hasn't been scratched in a while, plus I still need to pay you back for how rude you were to me earlier," there was deliberate movement and a groan from Baker. It definitely wasn't from pain. At least not entirely.

Archer quickly cut the flow of prana to his ears as the first, wet sounds of kissing became audible. Inscrutable eavesdropper and cynic he might be, but he was definitely _not_ a voyeur.

* * *

Rin leaned back, still straddling the prone Shirou's waist, and adjusted some of her rumpled clothing. The clothing that she wore in its entirety.

"So, do you think Archer has stopped eavesdropping by now?" she tossed her unbound hair over a shoulder and looked down at Baker as he came to his senses after Rin's sudden and sensual assault. The servant took a few seconds to get his breathing under control before propping himself up on his elbows. Rin shifted with the motion to make it easier and her customary skirt of dubious length drew Shirou's attention.

"Eyes up here Shirou, I asked you a question," Rin shifted again on Baker's lap as she looked down, completely disregarding her own command, "that aside, based on what I'm feeling I haven't lost my touch in seven years."

"Or I just really missed you. And he's not listening. Archer is a lot of things, but he is definitely not a voyeur," Baker dropped down onto his back again as his hands started to roam and Rin let out a pleased hum, "shall we keep this discussion short then?"

"Most certainly," Rin smirked, "Archer is one of the bigger wildcards in the war, but you know him, and yourself, well enough. What is he thinking and what can we do about it?" her businesslike tone contrasted with her *ahem* compromising position.

"Based on what I know, he will be off balance from all of the information he just "stealthily" gathered from us. He won't know what is true and what isn't, which is a nice benefit of the truth being stranger than fiction, so he'll probably default to his usual method of dealing with complicated wars," a slight grimace marred his relaxed expression.

"You mean he will kill this world's Shirou as fast as possible and run like Zelretch is chasing him with a tutu?" though phrased as a question, Rin's words sounded more like a statement. Shirou let out a low sound of his own as this time Rin's hands began to wander.

"... exactly," he managed, "In the end he is weighing the possible chance of ending his existence of endless suffering against learning more about us, an anomaly," Shirou sighed and let his head fall onto the floor with a muffled thump, "It's a clear choice to him, but he won't act just yet. We are too much of an unknown to him right now in regards to our abilities. He will wait til Shirou is separated, in the middle of battle, or he knows more."

"So we should be able to be able to head off his plans during or after the strategy meeting?" Rin began sliding off her stockings.

"Yeah, let me handle it. I have an idea about what to do," he watched his captor appreciatively, "is that everything for now?"

"Just about. Do you think we should mention the possibilities regarding his condition? With regards to your skills of course," she paused her undressing and looked at him inquisitively.

A look of gleeful mania, learned from Zelretch, appeared on Shirou's face.

"Nah, that will be so much more fun as a _surprise_." Rin smiled a devious smile at the response.

"My, you can be so naughty sometimes," Rin swooped down to resume her early activities.

* * *

Archer stood atop the shed behind the main Emiya house. Although the term 'shed' did not encompass the true size of the structure. Outbuilding might be a better description. Semantics aside, the 'workshop?' served as an excellent vantage point as it had a higher roof than the traditional one-story japanese dwelling of the main house.

He didn't concern himself with the possibility of being seen despite his conspicuous stance at the peak of the roof. The ability to shift to a spiritual state rather than a material one made discovery unlikely and was one of Archer's favorite things about being summoned as a heroic spirit. Being invisible to the naked eye and able to pass through solid objects? Extremely useful. A shame that gravity still held sway over spiritual forms, so no flying.

The invisible counter guardian let out a soundless sigh and stopped musing over pointless topics. It would be best if he just admitted that things were getting unstable. While other iterations of the fifth holy grail war had unique twists and turns, the general events usually remained the same. Even the larger deviations, like Kiritsugu still being alive, still followed one of the three main 'paths' of events. Archer had never seen a version of the war where others were summoned that had knowledge of the war. And future possibilities of Rin never showed up either.

The duo of Baker and Ruby were an anomaly. No previous attempts or examples could help in choosing how to account for them. Not to mention they would likely have plans of their own, with goals opposed his. All of the signs indicated a quick exit from this reality would be the simplest solution. After all, his decision centered around a choice between learning more about a happy Shirou and strange Rin, or possibly ending his farce of an existence. Not much of a choice.

It was time for the usual method: Kill Shirou and get out.

The execution (Archer allowed himself a private smirk) of the plan would be easier than usual this time as well, ironically thanks to Baker. Without Saber's prana to fuel Avalon, the mystic sheath of Excalibur currently residing inside of Shirou's chest, he would only have slightly better than normal healing abilities as opposed to obscene levels of self regeneration. Archer had seen, and sometimes experienced, entire hearts being regrown thanks to the faerie artifact. Having it out of the way made things much simpler. That said…

Having Baker present also made things a lot more complicated.

Archer did not have any sort of grasp on what Baker, and Ruby, could do. With their abilities unknown his options were uncertain. He would play along for now and wait for an opportunity to strike when Shirou was alone or the others were sufficiently distracted.

He had done it before and would do it again. Archer had mastered the waiting game long ago.

* * *

By the time the sun rose all five occupants of the Emiya house were gathered around an empty table in the main room. Rin and Ruby sat facing each other, each having claimed a side to themselves. Archer stood at Rin's shoulder, aloof, while Shirou and Baker knelt side by side at another edge of the table.

The two women were deep in a discussion about the group's current circumstances. The three men observed quietly after being cowed into silence with severe glares and choice words. According to Rin, the "reasonable" people were talking and did not need any interruptions. For some reason that Shirou couldn't fathom, Baker found that statement funny and had badly concealed his laughter. This resulted in an angry stare from Rin and a more complex look from Ruby. Her eyes both condemned Baker's interruption and shone with their own amusement. Perhaps he could ask about it later.

"So…" Rin processed the most recent revelations of Ruby, "not only is Kirei a phony priest, he murdered my father, is participating in this war, wants to see the world burn, and is all around a root be damned ass?"

"yep," Ruby had hidden nothing and her words had been blunt and clinical.

"huh…. that's…." Rin shuddered slightly but regained her composure quickly, "I suppose that shouldn't surprise me. I have always felt that something was off about him and now he is the master of Lancer while playing host to my father's old servant, who is still alive and still one of the strongest servants in existence."

"Indeed," Ruby played along with her younger alternate's summations, knowing that it would help her gather her thoughts.

"Not only that, but the entire war is a farce at this point because the holy grail itself is corrupted and using it for a wish would result in catastrophe…. Son of a…" she grasped her head in both hands and let out a strained sound.

"Are you ok?" Shirou's voice was full of concern.

"Don't get me started on you Mr. I Have Two Copies As Servants. I'm watching most of my life's ambitions disappear, so I'm…. coping," she threw a glance out of her hands at Ruby, "and you have dealt with this stuff, and worse, plus whatever your Shirou gets up too, which I'm learning could be anything. How do you stay _sane_?"

Ruby twirled a strand of her hair around a finger absentmindedly.

"Oh I have an _expanded_ definition of sane these days," something flickered deep within her eyes. Something…. Off, that vanished in an instant before the relaxed magus continued, "but speaking of sanity, you seem to be taking these revelations much better than the few from last night. Any reason why?"

"Shock, most likely. It will sink in eventua" Rin slumped forward and avoided a head injury thanks to Baker's timely intervention. The servant gently lowered the unconscious magus to the ground with a small smile.

"Still fun to watch. Not something I get to see much anymore," his smile grew as he looked over at Ruby. She did not smile back.

The human Shirou… well his mind wasn't quite that anymore, what with the seeds of a reality marble present… and his magecraft altered his physical limits… so maybe he wasn't human…

The Shirou who had yet to die at least once… but he 'died' in the Fuyuki fire… or was that just a technicality?

The multiversally local Shirou glanced between the two versions of his classmate before hesitantly asking a question.

"Is she going to be ok? She fainted yesterday too and it can't be healthy."

"I'll be just fine Shirou," dismissed Ruby, "it's not so much fainting as it is freeing up the rest of my brain to fully process difficult or distressing information. A completely subconscious coping measure to ensure that emotional turmoil lasts for the shortest amount of time," she stared meaningfully at her unconscious alternate, "it does have its drawbacks though. We will just have to wait it out."

"In that case," Baker stood from his position beside the catatonic Rin and addressed the counter guardian in the room, "I would like to talk to you. In private."

Archer's face did not betray his indecision as he crossed his arms. While undeniably an opportunity, and a good one, this invitation could also be a trap of some kind. Most Shirou's ended up hating Archer after discovering his identity and Baker could be no different. Then again, if he died in this world he would just have to wait to try again with a different Shirou. Not much to lose really. He nodded his assent.

"Hey Rin.. er Ruby, could we get an out of the way dimension for our use? Like the ones I used to ask Zel for. And a pick-up in about," Baker stared at nothing for a moment, "a half an hour or so?"

One lazy finger snap later and a swirling portal of fractal colors coalesced in the room, throwing light throughout the room.

"Have at it boys. See you in thirty minutes. I'll stick around and make sure this Shirou doesn't have any questions of his own. Maybe teach him a thing or two about how poor of a magus he is," the look she gave Shirou made him uneasy for some reason even as his servant flinched at some memory.

"Thanks," Baker sauntered through the dimensional gap and vanished. Archer, hesitation now showing, did not immediately follow. Going to an alternate dimension was not part of his original reasoning and complicated things. After a moment only Baker's head reappeared.

"Oh come on Archer, I promise not to kill you without permission," he rolled his eyes, "honestly you can be so mistrusting,"

"I'm more concerned about being seperated from my master in the midst of a war," he did not move from his spot.

"A fair point," Baker's head conceded, "but we mean her no harm. Not to mention, do you think you could stop a master of the Second Magic," the capital letters were audible, "if she did try to hurt Rin?" the counter guardian's face twisted and he opened his mouth to retort.

"You couldn't," interjected Ruby softly, "and if you are going to mention other attackers I am capable of defending us just fine. But cut the act. You might care for Rin, at least a little, but your only real loyalty is to yourself."

"Hey, should we really be threatening each other?" ventured Shirou, only to be silenced by three nearly identical looks. Ruby looked away first and fixed her eyes on the two servants.

"Both of you go and sort this out. I'll accept whatever resolution you reach," she commanded. Archer maintained his stubborn look but soon relented.

"Fine," the red-clad servant strode to the portal and, in a fit of spite, roughly pushed Baker's head back through before stepping inside. The chaotic rift shrank and folded upon itself before fading entirely.

"Are they going to be ok?" asked Shirou, still staring at where his alternate selves had disappeared.

"Shirous are remarkably sturdy. Those two will be fine," Ruby waved his comment away before turning serious, "that might not be true for you thought,"

"W-what?" he leaned back from Ruby as she slowly turned towards him.

"Well I'm going to give you a few pointers about your thaumaturgy, including how to properly use your magic circuits, and that always carries some inherent risk. To be a magus is to 'walk with death' and all that," she leaned forward even as Shirou backed further away, "but moreso I'm curious as why you didn't seem surprised by anything I just revealed to Rin. It's almost as if you _remember_ it,"

Shirou gulped as Baker's warnings replayed in his head.

"Why could that be I wonder?" Ruby's light tone didn't even fool Shirou.

* * *

Archer gazed across the desolate red rocks, unbothered by the intermittent wind and the dust it carried. He noted the long trenches and pits scarring the area, but what intrigued him more were the sparse patches of ice that followed the trails of destruction. The area wasn't cold enough to warrant water freezing, but that did not really hold much importance. His observations served as a momentary distraction from the real issue.

"What is this about Baker?" Archer did not look back at the other servant.

"I'm not allowed to have a simple chat with myself?" Most Shirous were not good at lying. Baker took after most Shirous.

"I try not to underestimate my opponents. You have a specific goal for this."

"You want to kill the Shirou who summoned me," the cook stated matter of factly. Archer still didn't turn, he only nodded.

"I can't let you to do that. I have things I need to do now that I have been summoned,"

"I gathered as much," Archer admitted.

"When you were eavesdropping on Rin and I?" if being caught bothered the counter guardian he didn't show it, but he nodded once more. Silence reigned for a time as the wind whistled in the emptiness.

"If you are going to make this difficult for me you might as well just kill me now. It would let me get my next chance at escaping my joke of a life faster," Archer's tone was dead.

"Why don't you just off yourself then!" He did not understand Baker's anger. Why did he care?

"I have never been that depraved. Now get to whatever point you are trying to make. You and I both know neither of us will give up, so unless you have another solution in mind…" twin swords of black and white appeared in his hands.

"It was always going to end in a fight," admitted Baker, causing his opponent to finally spin taking in the sight of his opponent. Still wearing his blue and white ensemble, he gripped two oversized chef's knives in a familiar form, "but before we begin, let's make a deal. If you win, you can kill me and then take care of Shirou when you get back. Ruby won't stop you. She already agreed to abide by our results," Archer narrowed his eyes, but took the bait anyway. He would fight this battle regardless, but the opportunity to remove a confrontation with Ruby held great value.

"That is an attractive offer, but you should know that if I win it will be by killing you. No being 'allowed to' involved. I'll bite though. What if you win?"

"Then you will do everything in your power to help Shirou and Rin live through this war by assisting Ruby and I," he grinned slyly, "I'll even throw in a gift for you too. Trust me, you will like it."

"A Shirou acting mysterious. And I thought I had seen it all," Archer shook his head at his alternate's foolishness. It wasn't pride, not quite considering his views on it, but he knew his own considerable power well. He would win, "I can't say it's a perfect deal, but I'll take it."

The two versions of Shirou Emiya, one in red, the other in blue shifted as one, falling into identical relaxed stances.

"Come!"


	8. Chapter 8: A Lesson

**Author's Musings:**

While I wouldn't call this a fast update, it is still better than last time. Welcome back to my the story that continues to evolve waaaaay further than I ever intended.

This chapter was a difficult one for me to write. It has a lot of dialogue and details. Still, I started out intending this to be only half a chapter or less, but the ideas just kept going. The Second Magic is super interesting to me and I'm sure it shows below.

Also, I know I said that things were going to be silly in my last musings, but sometimes things don't work out the way I intend. You will also have to wait for the fight scene. I want to make sure I give it a good and honest shot at being epic. (Not to mention the last line of this chapter is too good not to end on)

As always: Enjoy! Let me know what works, what doesn't, and if you have any questions.

 **Disclaimer:**

I do not own anything related to Fate/Stay Night or anything else that is referenced below in any way shape or form.

* * *

 **The Clocktower: Zelretch's 'Office'**

An unusually serious Wizard Marshall stood behind his desk and surveyed his seldom used room in silence. The clocktower had provided him space for a workshop or whatever else out of respect (or far more likely, fear) of his power, but he never paid much attention to it. The lack of attention displayed itself through uninspired, though expensive, furniture and the thick coating of dust clinging to every surface. A little more decor and a touch of cleaning would do wonders, although…

Zelretch examined his apprentice's twitching eyebrow thoughtfully.

The room did not need any work just yet. It was working out just fine. Zelretch fought to keep his habitual grin from forming on his face. He enjoyed irking Rin whenever possible as her reactions were always a treat, not to mention useful in the training he intended for her. Just a minute or two more of deliberate stalling to really get her temper on edge before they began. A minute or two more of letting the dust and grime wear away at 'proper' manners. Hopefully he could get Rin to snap at him like she had during the Shokugeki between Shirou and Sakura, although his hopes were not high. Her fear, and propriety, outweighed her anger…

for now.

That needed to change. Along with some of her other perceptions. Someone without the proper… qualifications would never be able to truly wield the Second Magic.

Rin's eyebrow stopped twitching and furrowed along with its twin.

Zelretch assumed this signified a change from annoyed inaction to deliberation on how to politely confront him about why they had been standing in his office for nearly an hour without doing anything. An impressive display of patience considering the volatility of Rin's standard temperament and a testament to her dedication. She desperately wanted to learn whatever she could from him.

Very well, time to reward that dedication and determination. Zelretch cleared his throat with a generous cough.

"Good afternoon apprentice, I think it is about time to start for today..." Rin visibly began to relax with an eager gleam in her eyes, "but," a single word wiped away that relaxation. A reward did not mean easing up in other regards, "I would like to address something first. You were planning to ask about why we waited so long, correct?" the frustrated gem magus responded with a look that said 'obviously'. The Sorcerer's response was a look of utter serenity and patience while waiting for a verbal reply.

For a time neither side of the silent standoff gave an inch, but Zelretch knew his opponent and Rin soon broke the silence just to avoid losing any more time.

"Yes, I was going to inquire about that," Rin glared at her 'teacher' as she ground out her words.

Maybe he had underestimated the likelihood of her snapping? Only one way to find out.

"Yes…." Zel trailed the end of the word as an invitation. Rin's eyebrow twitched again. She knew what he wanted.

"Yes…. sir," she bit the last word off as if attempting to not say it at all. Zelretch just smiled at her and shook his head.

"Not quite _apprentice_. Titles are important, but when embarking on a journey such as ours, trust is much more so," he saw understanding, quickly followed by exasperation, on her face. In response, his smile widened into a toothy grin as Rin sighed heavily.

"Yes… Zel," she shivered, it felt so wrong to call him that. Zelretch, pleased with the latest development, finally felt ready to move forward to the lesson itself.

"Excellent… _Rin_ ," the use of her proper name was stressed, "in answer to your unasked question, we waited because I wanted to and for no other reason," he looked inordinately pleased with himself.

Rin cut off a shriek of indignation before it truly began with a titanic effort of will. For an instant she might have heard the smallest of cracking sounds.

 _Don't snap at the being of near limitless power who has agreed to teach you how to use said power. Don't snap at the irritating vampire. Don't do something you might regret…. Even if he totally deserves it. Don't ..._

Zelretch watched Rin force down her outburst with mild disappointment, she had been so close to losing it. Although there had been something else there too… Ah well, there would always be more opportunities and he really did need to at least try and teach her something. Sliding into his chair, the wizened Sorcerer rested his elbows on his desk, laced his fingers together, and began speaking.

"Now, it is finally time to begin your lesson, we have wasted enough time as is," he enjoyed watching Rin's expression as he mentioned 'wasted time' again, though in the end her desire to learn outweighed her irritation, so she remained silent, "We will begin by examining the theory behind the Second True Magic since it will be some time before you are ready to work on practical applications, even considering how talented of a magus you are," Zel noted the barest hint of conceit concealed in his apprentices eyes, "I will warn you that if you try to meddle with the Kaleidoscope before you are ready you risk more than you realize. I lose more than enough entertain… I mean apprentices to their own arrogance rather than anything else, so try to avoid that. And even if you do take to my teachings and wield True Magic, it will likely cost you something along the way. Knowing this, do you still wish to learn?" he indicated the chair across from him. A chair covered in dust much like the one he was sitting in.

This time Rin maintained her cool attitude and glared at the offending furniture.

" _Saubern_ ," she muttered under her breath while sending a small surge of prana through her magic circuits. A controlled puff of air swept the chair clean and compacted the dust into a small speck before it vanished. Rin sat down with great dignity, crossed her legs, and waited patiently for her teacher to resume. Her answer to his question was all too clear.

"Perhaps I should make being a maid part of your duties as an apprentice," mused Zelretch as he stroked his chin, "but that is something for another time. I have heard that you did quite well in school Rin, so tell me, how familiar are you with 'infinity'?"

"It's a conceptual representation of something without limits. Often used in mathematics to represent a number larger or smaller than any other," Rin responded clinically.

"That's a good definition to be sure, but it doesn't convey everything properly. Which word, or words, in that definition are the most important? In your opinion of course,"

It only took a moment for Rin to gather her thoughts and dive into the discussion.

"I'd say 'without limits' as that is the core concept of infinity,"

"Most people would agree with you, but," red eyes crinkled in amusement, "I am not most people," Zelretch raised a hand to stop Rin's forthcoming interruption. She slowly closed her mouth, "let me explain. For most things, it is more important to know what they represent rather than what they are. However 'infinity' is one of the rare cases where the reverse is true. The most important piece of 'infinity' is something that you glossed over in both your definition and your explanation of 'without limits'," he leaned forward his voice becoming quieter, "Infinity," he whispered, "is a _concept_ ,"

Rin, having unconsciously leaned forward, sat back and pondered. Concepts were a big deal with regards to thaumaturgy. They transcended the simply physical and encompassed more than standard definitions. Concepts were… ideas. A realization slowly dawned within her as she understood, or at least came close to understanding.

"I can tell by your face that at least the basics have sunk in," Zelretch also leaned back and ceased his dramatic whispering, "but to put it into words, when I talk about 'infinity' I don't mean something without limits, I mean the _idea_ of something without limits. A small but important distinction," he paused and looked meaningfully at his apprentice.

"I understand," she confidently replied. And she did, understand that is, at least for the moment.

"Excellent, with that out of the way we can discuss the property of 'infinity' that is truly relevant to your education in the Second Magic..."

"And that would be?" Rin quickly jumped into the smallest of pauses, her eagerness beginning to show.

"Patience Rin," chided Zelretch, "I was thinking about how to phrase this as it can be confusing," he hmmmed and stared off into the distance, "perhaps it would be best if you just took my word for it for the time being. We can go into full explanations later, but all that matters right now is that despite being a concept of 'limitless' some infinities are larger than other infinities."

"What? That doesn't make sense." Rin declared her disbelief, "How can one uncountable idea differ in size from another uncountable idea? The point is that they are uncountable and limitless and it's not like there are degrees of being 'limitless'..." she trailed off as she saw Zelretch smiling again, "don't tell me…" a sigh, "there actually are degrees of 'limitless' aren't there?" a hand rubbed the bridge of her nose in a futile attempt to stave off an impending headache. Why did she bother discussing abstract concepts with a crazy Sorcerer…. Oh right. _Sorcerer_. Who just so happened to be teaching her.

Don't get too distressed," chuckled said Sorcerer, "there are only two categories and they don't have any relevance to today's discussion. I've known about them for centuries since I achieved the Second True Magic, but back in the 19th century some mathematician named Cantor described them as 'countably infinite' and 'uncountably infinite'. The way he explains it never really clicked with me, it always just _made sense_ to me without needing a reason," Zelretch stopped his reminiscing and noticed the distressed expression on Rin's face. He quickly reassured her, "but like I said you don't need to worry about that right now, you just need to accept that some some 'infinities' are larger than others. If you absolutely have to know more just look into Georg Cantor and his work on Set Theory."

Rin took a deep breath.

"Ok… ok. Although uncountable, infinity can be larger or smaller than itself…. Right. Like you suggested I'll take your word for it so we can move on," she brushed aside the portion of her mind that was still struggling to fully process Zelretch's words.

"It will make more sense later on," the vampire promised, "but setting aside 'infinity' for now, I'll ask another question. I am aware that you know that the Kaleidoscope uses parallel worlds, but how much do you know about them? And have you ever heard the term 'multiverse' before?"

"My understanding is that parallel worlds are alternate versions of our reality where events have differed. I ran into a product of such worlds during the war, which I assume you know about because you seem to know everything," Zelretch acknowledged her assumption with an inclined head, "as for the multiverse I would guess that it is a term that encompases all of the parallel worlds," Answering questions came naturally to Rin and did wonders to help restore her composure. She let some of the budding tension ease out of her shoulders and tried to relax.

"Since your grasp of the basics is sound, I'll jump right into the bits you need to know. Many people have theorized the existence of the multiverse without the proof you and I have. Even lacking evidence, brilliant minds have deduced the nature of parallel worlds. I'm going to borrow their explanations because it's hard to put into words what I know by instinct,"

Rin quietly snorted something unintelligible before realizing she had actually said anything. Her eyes grew wide and her face red. She had just mouthed off, hadn't she.

"I'm sorry. What was that Rin? It almost sounded like 'borrow my ass'," Zelretch's grin returned with vigor, "which I would not be adverse to doing, as it _is_ a nice ass,"

 _Too relaxed Rin! You can't mock him like Shirou. He's the Wizard Marshal not some nobody._ Rin internally chided herself as she externally scrambled to recover from her flustered state.

"T-that's not what I meant… I mean I didn't," she had finally gotten the Sorcerer to be serious for once and now she had ruined it. She had! Not him! Irritated did not even come close to Rin's feelings for herself in that moment. So much for her plans to be professional in her apprenticeship.

"Well then, what did you mean?" Zelretch's politely inquired, still grinning like a maniac.

"..."

Zelretch waited patiently as Rin looked down like a scolded child. He idly wondered how long it would take her to be comfortable enough to joke around with him without immediately worrying about offending him. With how he acted it shouldn't take long for her to realize that he really didn't mind, and even encouraged, being informal to the extreme. But he had been wrong before. She seemed to have an irrational fear of offending him and if it dragged on for too much longer drastic measures would need to be taken.

"..."

"I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that you were implying that I'm too lazy to define the Kaleidoscope myself, so I'm just 'stealing' the work of others," when Rin still didn't respond Zelretch shrugged, she must have used up all her spunk for the moment. "no matter. I'll just pick-up where I left off if that is acceptable,"

Rin managed a nod and a deep breath to steady herself.

"As I was saying, others have described the multiverse better than I can, and the best fit is the third level of Tegmark's classifications which is often described as…" Zelretch paused with his hand in mid gesture, "wait. Tegmark doesn't formally publish that book for another decade or so. Disregard that name for now. It was actually Everett III who…"

"Wait," Rin hesitantly interrupted before pausing.

"You can always ask questions," assured Zelretch, gesturing for her to continue.

"The Second Magic doesn't deal with time… what do you mean 'for another decade'?"

"You are a very perceptive woman," he acknowledged, "and the explanation is simple. Some parallel worlds are chronologically shifted and thus are at different periods of time than ours. Of course, all of these worlds proceed at the same rate, so while I cannot change times in a unique universe, such as ours, I can find iterations that are remarkably similar but currently at a different point in time. It's kind of like a bastardized form of the Fourth Magic, which is true time travel. We can discuss this more later if you wish, but we should move on for now," after glancing at Rin and seeing she was satisfied, Zelretch did just that.

"So back to Everett III. Towards the end of the 1950s he formalized an idea called the Many Worlds Interpretation that worked on two major principles," he drew a single line in the dust on top of the desk, "this," he indicated the line, "is time. And every instant something happens," he drew a second line splitting off from the first, "a universe where it doesn't happen is created. In essence, every moment a universe is created or exists where every possible action happens. For example, there is a universe where I didn't draw these lines but still used the same words to explain this. There is also a universe where I drew the lines in the opposite direction and so on. Overall, there is a world where every possible sequence of events in any configuration has occurred," Zelretch checked in with Rin, "any questions?"

"Not yet… If that is the first principle, what is the second?" she had her chin propped in one hand, musing.

"The second is somewhat simpler," he vaguely gestured around the room, "all of the _infinite_ possible worlds exist within the same space. These alternate universes overlap perfectly with ours, but are isolated beyond an imperceivable barrier. The sciencey term is," and here Zelretch made quotation marks with his fingers, "'overlapping quantum planes', but it is easier to just think of it as every world is just slightly shifted to the side of ours in its own unique way," he smiled, "not too difficult is it?"

"While… unique, I am still following your explanation… I think," Rin agreed hesitantly, "but how does all of this tie into the Kaleidoscope?"

"Other than being an important framework that permeates the Second Magic, these two ideas of infinity and the multiverse are essential for the most basic application of the Kaleidoscope: the production of prana," motes of blue light cascaded from the Sorcerer's form. Prana concentrated to such a density it became visible flooded the room in mere moments as Rin looked on in awe. With no visible gesture Zelretch had produced more magical energy in an instant than she could have over the course of months.

"Incredible…" while comparable to Sakura's performance in The Wishing Well, the wizard marshall had summoned prana with greater ease. The gem magus allowed her eyes to idly follow the swirling patterns of prana.

"Thank you Rin," Zelretch acknowledged Rin's complement, "the Kaleidoscope can siphon power from parallel worlds into this one, which is well known by certain circles of magi. However, most do not stop to ask the important question," he held his hand above the desk, his palm towards the ceiling, "I'll give you a hint and see if you can figure it out," flecks of blue flocked to Zelretch's hand and formed a pulsating ball of raw energy, "what kind of prana is this Rin?"

Rin's eyes snapped to the sphere of power in her mentor's palm and she reached out towards it with her own hand while sending a trickle of power through her body.

"What do you…" she gasped upon contact with the ball of prana, "this is od! I always assumed that the kaleidoscope used environmental mana not the internal energy of od, but… if this prana is od and not mana, how is it compatible with..." understanding washed over Rin's face as she made a logical leap, "this is _your_ od isn't it. From other Zelretchs in other worlds," she glanced at his face for confirmation and he slowly began to clap.

"Well done," congratulated Zelretch, letting his applause end, "question and answer, both in one try. Can't say I've had anyone catch on that quickly before," he shifted in his chair, "since there are infinite alternate worlds layered atop this one, then it follows that there are infinite alternate versions of me occupying this exact space," he pointed at the himself and his chair, "these other versions of me contain od that is perfectly compatible with me, because it's _my_ od. So all I need to do is reach through the barrier between us and… voila, access to unlimited prana from my infinite alternate selves," Rin didn't quite buy it.

"But based on what you told me about the multiverse shouldn't there be other yous also drawing prana? Wouldn't you feel that?"

"An excellent question! I knew you would make a good apprentice. This is where the nature of infinity comes in. While there are indeed infinite Zelretchs drawing power from alternate worlds, there are also infinite Zelretchs _not_ drawing power and both of those infinities are smaller than the infinite number of total Zelretchs. Look at it this way," he held up all ten of his fingers, "these represent all possible Zelretchs. And going by the Many Worlds Interpretation, for every one of me who draws power," he moved one hand away from the other and wiggled the fingers on it, "then there is at least one version of me that is not drawing power," the fingers on the other hand wiggled this time, "and so we end up with this scenario," he began drawing on the dusty desktop again.

First Zelretch drew one large circle.

"This is all possible versions of me sitting in this chair right now. It is an infinite number."

Within the first circle Zelretch drew a smaller circle.

"This is the infinite mes that are drawing power while sitting in this chair. It is a smaller infinity than the previous one."

He stabbed his finger into the space between the two circles.

"And that leaves this area, which represents the Zelretchs that are not drawing power. While smaller than the total infinity, it is still infinite, and thus: infinite power to draw from. And with such a large pool of power, the draw from any one Zelretch is so small it is unnoticable," he tapped his diagram of two circles once more, "get it?"

Rin's eyes were bright with interest and enthusiasm.

"Yes! Infinite prana from infinite alternate worlds that aren't currently using it," That part makes sense overall at least. Some of the details are… difficult,"

"You didn't think learning True Magic would be easy did you?" Zelretch grinned wryly.

"No!" retorted Rin, "I just… didn't expect the basic concepts to be more confusing than the actual Magic."

"I wouldn't worry, it only gets more difficult from here. We did not discuss how one reaches across a quantum barrier in the first place after all. Although I can understand your confusion regarding the introductory topics. Infinity is difficult enough to grasp on its own and becomes more so when combined with the multiverse. For example, have you considered the full implications of limitless possible worlds?"

"Of course," Rin's pride shone through despite her earlier confusion, "anything can happen, or rather has happened somewhere. That is the easiest thing to understand out of what we discussed," she was happy to get the overall concept despite the details remaining out of reach, "Compared to things like 'countable infinity' and 'overlapping quantum planes' the idea of a world where I am a guy or something isn't too confusing."

Grey eyebrows furrowed as Zelretch sighed. Rin immediately went on edge because Zelretch never looked disappointed. Something must be wrong.

"You are taking my statement too lightly. You may 'know' that the multiverse is unlimited, but you do not 'understand'."

"How is that different," protested Rin.

"You have accepted a statement as fact, but have not delved into what it might truly mean."

Zelretch's gaze drifted into the distance, no longer seeing his office at all as his mind drifted.

"The example of someone being a different gender is a good one, but very limited in scope. Indeed, worlds exist where every aspect of your life is different, but it goes so far beyond that," unconsciously the master of the Kaleidoscope rose from his chair, "There are infinite worlds where you were never born. Infinite worlds where Rome never fell. Infinite worlds where man never evolved past being an ape. Infinite worlds where life never crawled from the seething seas."

Shadows claimed the corners of the room and a slight breeze sprung up as Zelretch's voice gained an intangible weight.

"Infinite worlds where the Earth never became more than molten rock. Infinite worlds where the Earth never existed at all. Infinite worlds where our sun never formed. Infinite worlds where life has existed anywhere else but here. Infinite worlds where nothing existed at all."

Flickers of scintillating light and color sprang into existence around him as he spoke louder and faster. Rin clenched her hands into fists and stared resolutely at the Sorcerer even as pieces of her mind began to cringe in fear.

"I have seen such terrible and wonderful things. Beauty that made me weep and horror that made me wish to gouge out my own eyes. Chaos that would make raving lunatics appear sane. Pristine order on such a scale that everything else seems crooked to me now," Zelretch's face wreathed itself in shadow and for once his centuries of life became visible in weathered lines. His gnarled hands gripped the desk as he leaned forward, causing the wood to creak in protest.

Rin paled and shrank into her chair as the _being's_ voice grew _deeper_ and resonated in the shadows of the room.

"I have seen or known the endless turnings of every universe. The rise and fall of every nation. The languages and traditions of every culture. The birth and death of universes in infinite forms…. But," his corona of color winked out of existence and the air stilled, "but," his voice was suddenly tired.

"but for all that. All that indescribable possibility. All that infinite knowledge and power," he sighed and slumped into his chair looking exhausted as the room returned to normal, "Even with all that do you know what the worst part is? What truly terrifies even me to this day?"

Rin mutely shook her head and tried to quell her own trembling.

"Myself," he barely muttered, "I terrify myself, Rin," he admitted, "there is a reason you never see other versions of me joy jumping around dimensions. I have had more than enough experience meeting myself, so I actively avoid going anywhere that already has a version of me. It's not like it restricts me at all, because I still have infinite worlds to explore," he chuckled ruefully, "every Zelretch has a 'territory' of sorts in the multiverse that others rarely violate…" he trailed off his rambling and let his head fall into his hands. The shock of seeing Zelretch so _off_ let Rin regain her bearings, even if she remained unsettled on the inside.

"Why would you be afraid of yourself? I get that alternates of people in this world may not be easy to accept," images of a red clad archer sprang into her mind, "but surely…."

Zelretch cut her off with a slashing gesture and looked up at her, one crimson eye still covered by a hand.

"You still underestimate infinity. There are infinite versions of you and me that are far better than we could ever hope to be. A me who has saved countless worlds and is treated as a hero. A you who has mastered all known magecraft and stands atop the world of magi," he dropped his remaining hand and faced her fully, "but likewise there are infinite versions of us more vile than than we might think possible. A version of me who has soaked the streets of civilization in blood. A version of you who made a wish upon the grail, knowing full well the consequences. A version of you who was sent to the Matous instead of your sister. A version of you as hollow and inhuman as the fake priest, Kirei Kotomine,"

Rin shivered and closed her eyes. She couldn't tell if her emotions stemmed from disgust or envy.

"It is easy to hate both extremes for different reasons. To be jealous of the ideal versions, or repulsed by our own inner darknesses," Zelretch fell silent for a time and Rin could not help but follow suit.

…

Zelretch eventually spoke up, appearing far older than usual, but also more composed.

"I apologize. I often become dramatic, and not in a good way, when speaking about such things. Not to mention I put myself into funk. It is not the easiest form of exposure, but I needed to be sure you understood the depth of what you are diving into," he glanced at his apprentice, whose eyes were still shut, "Don't expect me to ask this often, but are you ok?"

Rin took a slow and steady breath. It didn't help and her breathing remained unsteady.

"Well, I could go mad from thinking about this," Rin's eyes shot open as she finished her seemingly innocent utterance, "go… mad. That's why you always say that your apprentices need to be resistant to insanity or have experience with craziness isn't it?" she half accused, half asked while still shuddering slightly. She faced the Wizard Marshall and awaited an answer, eyes wide and fraught with emotion. Fear, curiosity, anger, despair, desperation, ambition, and just the barest spark of _insanity_ all swirled together, framed by strands of black hair in slight disarray.

"I did warn you that this path risked more than you knew at the time. But you still have only scratched the surface of what madness lies within the fractal colors of the Kaleidoscope," he noted Rin's unsteady state, "it would be for the best if we ended here for the day. Neither of us is in the best condition to continue. I will let you know when I am available for your next lesson. Until then, I would like you to think more about the depths of the multiverse, _especially_ the parts that might be uncomfortable," he waved her away, "you may go."

Rin nodded and unsteadily stood. Still somewhat stunned she meandered out of Zelretch's office and disappeared down the hall.

Once the door swung shut Zelretch ran both hands through his hair and slumped forward in exhaustion. He desperately wanted to do something, anything to shake off his somber mood, but first he had something, or rather someone, else to take care of.

"You can come out now. Just take a couple steps forward," he addressed the empty room. Moments later the sound of footsteps became audible, accompanied by a voice laced with wonder.

"I still don't fully understand how you did this," the edge of an blue dress emerged from thin air behind Zelretch, followed by an elegant woman with a head of loose blonde curls. He didn't bother to turn around and instead rubbed his eyes.

"An advanced application of the Kaleidoscope. I overlayed two versions of this office, but hid one from the other and had you stay there. It's my unique brand of invisibility that also happens to be undetectable," at this point Zelretch did turn, "I'll ask you as well, are you ok? It is not easy to see me in one of my moods."

A haughty laugh was the response.

"OHOHOHOH! Of c-course I am alright. I am not as weak willed as Tohsaka," a brief stutter and slight tremor were the only indications of the lie.

"If you say so, my second apprentice,"

The woman gracefully slid around the desk and into Rin's former seat, "hmm, she would make a good maid," she idly noted as a tangent before smoothly crossing her legs and staring down the vampire across the desk, "Now Zel, while titles are important, when embarking on a journey such as ours, trust is much more so."

"That's quite the mouth you have there Luv," a smile began to emerge from Zelretch's dour expression.

"My, whatever do you mean?" came the coy response.

"Ah, having you around will be beneficial in more than one way, but I'll give you this one last chance to back out. I have warned you of the risks, you have witnessed the madness, and you know why I want you in particular. Are you sure you still want to be my apprentice when my main goal in offering this chance is to annoy Rin Tohsaka as much as possible? I will teach you but I don't expect you to learn much." he steepled his fingers and peered over them. The serious gesture did nothing to hide his fierce grin.

"Of course. I gratefully accept any opportunity to learn from one such as yourself," her tone was demure, but her lips twitched, "of course," her mouth split into a grin to match Zelretch's, "the chance to best my rival is also welcome."

"I foresee great things in the future. Maddening things, but great nonetheless."

"When do you intend to inform my fellow pupil of these new arrangements?"

"I thought this development would best come as a _surprise_."

"Indeed how devious," she agreed, "but one last question for now. Although it is mostly an observation. You never did truly respond to Rin's accusation about why you always bring up having a resistance to insanity."

"You are a very perceptive woman. I never did answer her and for a very good reason. You see, it's not so much resistance that Rin needs, but inoculation."

"You mean… you intend to drive her mad?" incredulity and unease filled her voice.

"The basis of all Thaumaturgy is self-hypnotism. To perform our mysteries we must believe that we can. It is the root of all arias and the purpose of innumerable actions taken by magi. Now apply that to True Magic. To wield the Kaleidoscope you must believe that you can manipulate the entirety of the multiverse. Consider my _description_ from before and think about it. Could a fully sane mind do such a thing without breaking?"

"I…" she couldn't muster a response.

"This applies to more than just the Second Magic. Think of all the most powerful magi. They are all a bit... _off_. Power comes with a price, and my apprentices have to pay it the same as everyone else."

"S-so why reveal this to me and not Rin?" though unnerved, the blonde pushed forward.

"I doubt I could truly _crack_ Rin Tohsaka of all people if she knew that was my goal. She would remain sane through sheer stubbornness. My methods work best when the target is unaware of my true designs." he rubbed his hands together eagerly, some of his usual cheer resurfacing.

"So you intend to sabotage me then?" the woman accused, "Why reveal this to me if it will hinder my progress. I agreed to an apprenticeship, not a journey doomed to fail. I will not stand…" she rose from her chair in indignation, but was cut off by a gesture before she could truly gain steam.

"First of all, you do appear to be standing for it," Zelretch pointed out causing her to blush, "but more importantly, I don't think it will matter in your case."

"Ah, so you acknowledge my superiority as a student over…"

"Nope," he cheerfully interjected, "It actually has to do with how you accepted my offer of apprenticeship knowing the absurd risk and also knowing that I was only offering to drive Rin up the wall. I would say you have a little bit of crazy in you already," he looked almost proud, "you might just learn something from this after all," his words caused her to stand taller. To stand prouder.

"Why of course, anything Rin can do..." she smiled and something flickered deep in her brown eyes. Something _irrational_.

"I, Luviagelita Edelfelt, can do better."


	9. Chapter 9: Accusations

**Author's Musings"**

Another serving of my fanfiction for all of you to enjoy. (Shokugeki no Soma season 3!)

First things first I have some bad news that might turn out to be good news... so I suppose it is just news. Either way, this story will be going on a longer break than usual before the next chapter as I am attempting to compete NaNoWriMo this November. Its a neat nonprofit to encourage writers of any kind, so check it out! As a result I will not be working on this fic for the rest of the month. So it will likely be about a month and a half to two months before the next chapter. On the upside, if I do well during this writing month it will likely help me as a writer and could result in a faster writing speed in general... but I won't make any promises because I did that before and it didn't work out super well. I'd be surprised if any of you trusted me when I talk about writing speed anymore.

TLDR: month or two hiatus, story will finish but I am by no means a fast writer. Thanks for sticking around.

Now onto the usual:

Enjoy! Let me know what works, what doesn't, and if you have any questions.

 **Disclaimer:**

I do not own anything related to Fate/Stay Night or anything else that is referenced below in any way shape or form.

* * *

 **An Alternate Universe: Location Unknown**

"Come!"

Archer immediately flooded his body with prana, layering power within his muscles, bones, skin, and everything else. Much like how he had earlier moved prana to his ears to sharpen his hearing, Archer now sought to empower his entire body.

It was a basic form of thaumaturgy called "reinforcement" and worked exactly like it sounded. Applied correctly, prana could enhance or 'reinforce' the function of any body part, as long as the user didn't overdo it. The results of excessive reinforcement were never pretty and comparable to overloading an electric fuse, but all magi were used to such risks.

Archer did not personally concern himself with said risks despite performing his reinforcement at a speed most would consider reckless. Experience and his current status as a spiritual entity served to reduce the chances of a mishap to essentially zero. In mere moments his strength, speed, and other physical abilities increased greatly. Against any normal opponent Archer's level of reinforcement would have been a decisive boost, but he knew otherwise. He knew that Baker would be using reinforcement at a similar level because all _competent_ Shirous were skilled at reinforcement.

Following his challenge, and subsequent reinforcement, Archer fell into his usual stance: knees bent, arms relaxed, and twin swords of black and white (Kanshou and Bakuya respectively) angled ever so slightly upwards.

Any experienced fighter would scoff at calling his posture a 'stance' as it contained more than a few obvious openings for attack and all of them were in vital areas. Any strike landed using these openings would be lethal or at the very least crippling.

Of course, that all depended on the blows actually connecting.

Archer knew every vulnerability in his form because he deliberately created them. By leaving no openings but critical ones, he could predict where an enemy would strike with unnerving precision. And if he knew the aim of a strike, he could block or dodge it with ease and counterattack with ruthless efficiency.

It was an insane technique that relied on risk.

A single hit would spell the end of a battle, but in return Archer gained an advantage over any foe, especially if they were faster or more skilled than the counter guardian. Every combat became a desperate competition. Would the twin swordsman slip up first? Or would his enemy fall beneath his blades?

Confident in the second outcome, Archer let his gaze cross the pitted and barren plain to settle on his opponent in blue… and blinked.

He saw a relaxed stance with knees bent, arms extended low, and oversized chef's knives tilted ever so slightly skyward.

Archer grunted in annoyance. Of course. Baker had obviously fought Archer before. He had come from a Shirou who had been down this road before and would therefore know about, and be able to use, his unique fighting style.

Baker chuckled lightly and went to rub the back of his head before pausing as he remembered the knife in his hand.

"I guess we can't both be defensive at the same time," he shifted to a far more aggressive stance, took a single step, and seemed to vanish…

Well to normal eyes he would have vanished, but Archer tracked Baker easily with his reinforced vision. The largest opening in Archer's current stance lay on his back and both combatants knew it. Baker circled his foe and struck; lunging forward with a single blade extended. In turn, Archer spun and raised his white blade in an aggressive parry that threw Baker's strike high. Kanshou cut through the resulting shower of sparks, aiming for Baker's neck, but met the second silver knife in a metallic clash. Archer brought Bakuya sweeping in from the side, but had to divert the strike upwards to block a knife, now held in a reverse grip, stabbing towards his head.

For a brief moment the weapons of both combatants were locked together in the air as their wielders stared at one another. Baker's face betrayed the smallest hints of a grin as his foot swept upwards and connected with Archer's stomach. The kick jarred the pair apart, but accomplished little else.

"Are you sure you can afford to be so aggressive?" Archer asked, his tone mirroring his expressionless mask.

"Talking during a battle? What a surprise," Baker's face broke into a smile, "I thought you were more pragmatic than THAT!" The blue clad servant launched himself forward, swinging both his blades as he shouted the last word.

Archer stepped to the side with contemptuous ease, blocking the closest knife and slashing at Baker's charging body simultaneously. The knife wielder twisted away from the counter strike, landing in a crouch before spring high into the air above his opponent's head, spinning as he did so.

Upside down and in midair, Baker lashed out at the stationary counter guardian, exchanging a quick series of blows before completing his flip and landing in a small cloud of rust colored dust.

Archer turned to face him and raised a single white eyebrow as if to ask 'is that all'.

Minutely shaking his head, Baker leapt back into range and unleashed a barrage of precise strikes, all of which were parried or blocked. Time and time again knives met swords with ringing impacts. Through this cacophony of steel, Archer spoke, his voice calm.

"We've both been through this before," he caught a high swipe on Kanshou and swung Bakuya forward, only to have it locked against a knife. He took the brief pause as an opportunity to lean in towards the other servant, "No battle between Shirous is ever fought with just swords," this time Archer forced the pair apart with a brief surge of prana to his limbs and a violent shove, causing a brief flash of pain in his arms from magical overload.

As Baker skidded backwards he found his balance compromised by the edge of an unexpected patch of ice. Seeing this, Archer took the initiative with a lunge. Silver knives barely managed to interpose themselves before the black and white swords struck, the force behind the blow serving to move Baker even further onto the treacherous footing.

Unwilling to risk the ice himself, Archer stopped short and used his momentum to fling his weapons after the blue clad servant with unerring accuracy. Baker braced himself, grinning wildly as the blades closed in and Archer found himself raising his voice with unexpected emotion.

"Now answer my question!" The sudden outburst did not distract Baker as he batted away the flying swords, sending them off high into the distance. Baker looked down and with causal strength stomped his feet onto, and into, the ice at his feet, stabilizing his stance.

"I'm not sure I understand your meaning," Golden eyes rose to meet silver ones, "Why shouldn't I be aggressive?" a strong push and a crunching of ice sent Baker hurtling towards Archer once more.

With a flash of blue Archer held Kanshou and Bakuya again, raised to meet his opponent and ready to resume their deadly dance. The sound of singing steel soon echoed across the empty land, but this time was different. This time Archer did not wait for Baker's attacks. He rose to meet them, matching aggression with aggression. Likewise, he no longer stood still,but shifted and spun with graceful ease. Every step had a purpose, every step was part of a plan.

"Two reasons," spoke Archer, his tone cold and condescending. Something about Baker just pissed him off, "First," he deftly spun his swords, stalling the rhythm of the exchange and knocking both silver knives just far enough to one side for him to shift in the other direction before resuming his attack, "I am far more skilled than you,"

Baker faltered under the renewed assault and struggled to keep pace with the counter guardian. His knives seemed to always be the barest moment behind where they needed to be as Archer's swords became little more than black and white blurs. Numerous cuts began to appear across Baker's body as Kanshou and Bakuya sheared through cloth and spiritual flesh alike. While every blow was diverted before connecting fully, the fact that they were landing at all revealed a great deal.

Archer really was more skilled.

Archer had crossed a thousand battlefields.

Never once retreating.

And while Baker had acquired some of that skill the first time he fought Archer, it couldn't possibly be enough. He could do little but endure the barrage. So endure Baker did. Such small wounds would not impair a heroic spirit and would heal soon enough. Although resigned to taking the hits, he did curse the lack of new knowledge flowing between him and his opponent as the damage began to pile up. Unlike the novice Shriou, both Baker and Archer had more than enough personal experience to prevent unintentional memory transference.

And then it was over as silence swallowed the fading ring of clashing blades. Baker stood breathing heavily, his blades raised defensively as small wisps of steam rose from his already healing wounds. Archer inwardly cursed the resiliency of any Shirou, especially one who had become a heroic spirit while still possessing Avalon and its regenerative properties, but he reminded himself that in this instant it didn't matter. Baker could heal all he wanted and it wouldn't make a difference.

"Is that all," gasped Baker at the stern visage of his opponent, "physical skill alone won't be enough if you don't fight smart…"

"Hmph," Archer snorted, smirked, and adjusted the position of his swords ever so slightly. His twin swords that were eternally bound together so that they might never be separated. Swords that would seek out their partner like a lodestone...

Swords that had two duplicated copies flying through the air after their earlier deflection.

"!" Baker wordlessly exclaimed, his eyes widening as he threw himself desperately backwards at the waist in time for two spinning blades to scythe past him from behind. The black Kanshou whirled harmlessly high as he contorted, dispelling into harmless prana before coming close to Archer. The white Bakuya, on the other hand, etched a line of red from under Baker's left arm to just below his waist, severing the cord securing his half apron before also vanishing.

With a pained grunt the wounded servant, slammed a foot back for balance and forced himself upright. His knives were gripped tight in anticipation of a follow up attack, but none came. Several steps away Archer simply stared with disdain, not saying a word.

The silence stretched and Baker's unsecured apron fluttered before being torn away by the wind.

Blood dripped.

Baker minutely inclined his head as if to say 'touche'.

"Second," intoned Archer as something like, but not quite anger leaked into his voice, "with a failure of a magus as your master you don't have the prana to be so aggressive, or heal so many wounds, without consequence. I can win through attrition. I just need to fight and let Shirou's incompetence take care of the rest," the red servant reset his stance, "this fight was over before it even started. The result is inevitable."

"I hate to disappoint, but you might be getting ahead of yourself," Baker's apron reappeared in a flash of blue, positioned higher to cover his largest wound, "Rin topped me off this morning, and even now she is helping Shirou open his magic circuits. Despite an untrained master, I will have more than enough prana to get my point across."

"Tch," spat Archer, "I guess I'll start trying then," he sent Kanshou and Bakuya twirling at Baker and lept backwards into the air. He barely noticed the blue clad servant deflecting his discarded blades and instead reached out into empty air. With practiced ease Archer grasped the handle of a massive black bow and a nondescript sword of steel as they materialized, "Let's see how long your confidence lasts."

Archer spun the sword in his hand a single time, altering it with magecraft as he did so. The blade narrowed and elongated as the crossguards bent backwards into the handle. Before the spin had even finished, what the counter guardian held was more arrow than sword. Still flying backwards, Archer knocked and fired his blade in a single, smooth movement.

The modified projectile lept forward, becoming little more than a streak of pale light flashing through the air towards its injured target. Baker looked straight at Archer and...

CLANG

A misshapen sword/arrow fell to the ground. An unblemished silver baking pan spun lazily in the air between the servants before also falling with a dusty thump.

"Only one?" questioned Baker while Archer gracefully landed a good distance away.

Ten more lances of light, some arcing high, others curving from the side, were the only response. Not a single one hit as each attack met its own piece of dinnerware from an assortment of plates, goblets, and bowls slowly filling the air and floating around Baker. Archer's scowl grew deeper of as he noted the unorthodox defense. It looked like he might have to step things up even more.

Baker stood his ground and hardly moved as the red clad Archer circled him at a distance, occasionally punctuating his stride with long bounds. As he ran, the counter guardian projected and fired a veritable storm of swords towards his opponent. Such was his speed, both in attacking and moving, that attacks beset Baker from nearly all sides simultaneously. Countless flashes of light in all colors flickered through the air, assaulting the chef's constantly shifting defenses in a stream of echoing impacts.

Archer knew that each individual projectile did not hold nearly enough power to inflict lasting harm to a servant, but with so many in the air it was a moot point. Sometimes quantity would win out over quality and at least a few swords were likely to slip past the barrier of … kitchenware.

Just thinking about what Baker was using to fight served to increase Archer's ire and he stepped up his rate of attack again. By combining knowledge, skill, ruthless application of thaumaturgy, Archer's could push his rate of fire to absurd levels. It did not shame him to admit that such ability resulted from combining ideas from multiple sources. His own knowledge of archery carried over from life, the methodology of firing blades as they were traced much like the Gate of Babylon, the enhancing effects of reinforcement thaumaturgy. All of these things and more worked together to allow Archer to dart around the battlefield launching countless 'arrows' from his bow even as more blades simply launched from the air around him in an endless barrage.

Beneath the onslaught Baker began to feel the strain. The sheer volume of fire being directed at him, and the constantly varying angle of attack were difficult to keep up with. As each nameless blade was struck from the sky by a sacrificial projection, more took its place. It would not be long before something slipped past his reinforced eyes and managed to…

Baker let out a hiss of pain as a dark blue blur clipped his arm before impacting the ground and throwing up yet more dust.

The chef raised his arms, more a mental reinforcement than a necessity, and began tracing faster. His small cloud of crockery began to swirl and thicken. Strands of prana arced along his limbs like lightning. The already deafening noise of clashing metal roared even higher while choking dust and debris rose in a cloud.

All Baker could do was endure the tide. What was probably moments seemed much longer amidst the chaos, but just as the burden of so many rapid tracings began to mount, the attack ceased. The sudden absence of sound was deafening in its own way and the drifting clouds, kicked up by Archer's bombardment, obscured Baker's vision. A voice cut through the silence and haze, much like the blades from a moment before.

" **I am the bone of my sword,"**

Baker's eyes narrowed as he reset his defensive stance. He knew what Archer's words meant. The level of attack would only continue to increase.

"I think I've figured out why you piss me off so much," Unnerving calm filled Archer's voice.

A sudden gust of wind peeled away the lingering dust and revealed the two servants to still be a good distance apart. Baker was covered in dirt and a few of his wounds continued to weep blood, or at least servant simulated blood. Archer stood ready, his bow already drawn back with a weapon seated on its string.

A weapon far more unique than any of the ones the counter guardian had previously used.

Baker barely prevented a mental flinch as he took in the sight of a large spiral shaped sword pointed directly at him.

"You," accused Archer, "are arrogant." the counter guardian took a deep breath and snarled, "CALADBOLG!"

* * *

 **The Clocktower: Zelretch's 'Office'**

It was odd, Zelretch mused, how quickly habits could change. He had spent but a scant few moments in his 'office' for centuries, but now, days after he had taken on TWO apprentices at the same time he seemed to gravitate back to the bland room during his free moments. He really did need to fix that, the blandness. Especially if he really started using the space as a temporary workshop. But right now he needed to figure out why he kept coming here. Was it so that his apprentices could find him if they needed too? A long repressed mentor's instinct?

…

Nah, that couldn't be it. The aged magus shook his head, tapped his hand on the desk, and continued to ponder his latest mystery from his chair.

Or at least he tried to until his door slammed open with such force that the walls rattled. Zelretch didn't even want to think what might have happened if his room had windows.

"ZEL! YOU BETTER BE IN HERE OR…. oh," Rin Tohsaka appeared to be completely caught off guard by the Sorcerer actually being present. Perhaps she was looking for an empty room to vent in? But that didn't match her words… Zelretch paused, put a hold on his own mental processes, and raised a hand in a stopping gesture to his deflating apprentice.

"Hold that thought for a moment Rin," at his request Rin's face began to contort in anger once more, but she obeyed and stayed silent, "I just want to savor this rare opportunity of having someone barge into my, albeit temporary, workshop for a change. It is rather refreshing," he smiled pleasantly. This only served to fully ignite Rin's rage once more.

"I am in NO MOOD for your root begotten bullshit!" the agitated magus stalked into the room, past the guest chair, and slammed her hands onto Zelretch's desk.

Now that she was out of the hallway Zelretch took in Rin's appearance. Disheveled clothes that looked no different than what she had worn to their lesson a few days ago. Knotted hair kept behind her head by a single loose tie as opposed to her usual twintails. Bloodshot eyes with dark bags beneath them. Overly pale skin. Altogether not a very good look by any stretch of the imagination, but combined with her anger it was almost intimidating.

Inwardly Zelretch grinned and plotted. This could work out magnificently. He subtly worked a few applications of the Kaleidoscope and settled in to see where this all would lead.

"I've been trying to be a dutiful apprentice and think about my lesson because you asked me to," Or more likely because she wanted to master the Second True Magic in record time and gain more power, "but I've run into a couple of," she paused, "stumbling blocks, shall we say."

Zelretch gave her a nonverbal gesture to continue.

"First of all," Rin straightened up and seemed to gather her will, "I'm calling you out on your own exaggerations. 'Known the endless turnings of every universe' 'the rise and fall of every nation'. Even for one as old as yourself, that is sheer impossibility," a fair point in Zelretch's book, "You simply don't have the time," and that was not the reasoning Zelretch was hoping to hear. Disappointing.

"Not to mention," continued Rin unaware of Zelretch's thoughts, "knowing 'every' universe would require you to know infinity," now she had his interest again, "and as much as I am struggling to... I mean, trying to wrap my head around the _concepts_ behind it I at least understand that, mechanically, infinity is infinite and therefore unknowable. Therefore," she pointed dramatically at Zelretch, "you are full of shit!" Internally the vampire cheered at his students progress, but externally he continued his campaign against her sanity.

"Full of shit. Just what every Sorcerer wants to be told I'm sure," he casually buffed his fingernails on his mantle.

At Zelretch's nonchalant response Rin paled a few more shades and her mind cringed at potentially insulting her 'Master', but the rest of her stood firm, confident in her actions and just the slightest bit crazed.

"But yes you are exactly right. I cannot know infinity, no one can. As I mentioned before I tend to wax dramatic on certain topics when the mood strikes me, so I… exaggerate. I am glad you picked up on this and felt confident enough to call me out on it," Zelretch inclined his head to his apprentice, "it is impressive, but you mentioned your own… struggles?"

Rin slumped back slightly, hesitant to admit her own shortcomings, but bulled ahead anyway. She had come this far.

"That was my second point. If infinity is infinite and unknowable, then how am I supposed to wrap my head around it like you want me too? And I keep going over your explanations in my head and it is not helping," she let out a frustrated growl and ran a hand through her hair, "It's driving me just a bit mad,"

Zelretch smiled at her choice of words.

"Funny how you should mention my explanations. Perhaps if you had someone else that could explain it or at least discuss it with you?" he offered, "would that help?" his smile grew into a grin, one that Rin recognized as she immediately went on guard despite her disordered state.

"W-What do you mean by that?" she was hesitant, and where anger had lent a certain fierceness to her disheveled appearance, hesitance made her seem somehow… less.

"Well you see Rin. I have decided to take on a second apprentice. Perhaps you could discuss these things with them?"

"YOU WHAT!" and the angry fierceness was back! "I swear if you somehow weaseled out of our deal and dragged Shirou into this I'll…"

Zelretch listened intently while laughing maniacally in his head. He hoped that the person he had earlier teleported to the hallway just outside of the door could recognize a perfect moment when she heard it.

"You'll what Tohsaka?" Luvia Edelfelt did indeed know how to properly time an entrance. She imperiously swept into the room, "are you threatening our good master?"

"Edelfelt?! What are you doing…." Rin trailed off as a look of horror dawned on her face, "NO!" she protested.

"YES!" bubbled a far too energetic Edelfelt.

"No," deadpanned Rin.

"Oh yes," confirmed Luvia, snapping open an ornamental fan.

"I do hope you two get along splendidly," encouraged Zelretch as he clasped his hands together and beamed.

Behind the sound of Rin's grinding teeth a faint fracturing noise could be heard.

Rin's cry of rage and dismay echoed throughout the clocktower.

* * *

 **The Clocktower: The Magus Filler's Workshop**

All of the ovens stacked against the wall, simple and exotic alike, hummed with life. Fire and filament put forth waves of heat and raised the temperature of the Clocktower's kitchen just enough to be uncomfortable to the average person. Not that this mattered as all of the room's occupants were far from average.

Shirou Emiya, supposed master of this domain of culinary creation, ran about like a madman with his apron flapping. Swapping pans of scones in and out of the numerous ovens, packaging scones that had cooled sufficiently, and occasionally inspecting the quality of raw scones were just a few of the many tasks he juggled. Already an impressively large stack of ensorcelled boxes, full of scones, stood off to the side.

Needless to say, the smell was divine.

Overlooking the room was the cause of Shirou's frantic activity. Saber stood in her long blue skirt and white blouse, poised as ever, with her arms crossed while her sharp eyes observed her former master as he went about his work, ensuring that he did not slack off. And if she just so happened to notice how Shirou's shirt clung to his sweaty, defined body… well... she showed no sign of it whatsoever.

Sakura stood opposite the servant turned taskmaster and had her arms buried up to her elbows in a massive bowl of dough. Despite the untidiness of the task, her chef's clothing was spotless and her violet hair was bound behind her head in a single ponytail. She continued her task of kneading while also watching the antics of her long time crush. A flustered Shirou was always entertaining to watch and put an amused half smile on her face.

Unseen, but sensed by the rest, was the servant Rider. Who stood placidly at her master's shoulder in spiritual form. Following the example of the other two women she spent her time keeping an eye on Shirou as he worked tirelessly to meet Saber's demands. Or demand, depending on how one looked at it.

' _Become the King of England. Because that is totally equal to not letting you into my reality marble'_ griped Shriou inside his own head. He was more than smart enough to not voice such things out loud, but that didn't stop him from thinking it, _'And her plan isn't exactly...logical.'_

A piece of Saber's hair, curled out of place from the rest, appeared to vibrate and bounce.

"Shirou, I can sense your traitorous thoughts from here," scolded Saber, "perhaps you would like to share them openly, that I might address them?" through phrased as such, it was not a question.

Shirou paused for a moment, went to rub the back of his head, but a small plume of smoke diverted his attention. He lurched back into motion and spoke as he worked.

"I w-wouldn't say traitorous," Shirou quailed slightly under a disapproving gaze, "but I was again wondering how baking scones for all of Britain is supposed to make me the king."

Rider invisibly tilted her head, quite curious as to the answer herself. Sakura, just happy to spend time baking with Shirou, did not pay the conversation much mind and hummed softly to herself.

"I thought I outlined the goal of this operation to a sufficient degree before we began, but going over it again is no issue," Saber uncrossed her arms and assumed a lecturing pose she had unconsciously picked up from her current master, "The monarchy in this country has sadly degraded to a state where it is mostly for show and tradition. However, this decidedly works in our favor as it is far easier to replace figureheads than truly powerful individuals. We shall simply display your culinary skill to the entire nation until they bow before you and instate you as new royalty. We will prove that you are far better than their current Queen, and once the crown is yours we can work on increasing your authority as compared to this 'parliament'," Saber nodded to herself, and recrossed her arms, "simple and effective."

"I still don't see how being a good cook will be enough reason for me to become king…" Shirou shook his head.

"Shirou! Have I not told you that armies and nations run on their stomachs," chastised Saber, "this plan will work. Just look at the effect your baking had on the magi in this institution."

"Aren't there any simpler ways?" Shirou had long since mastered the art of disguising his begging as questions, and quickly threw his mind about looking for an alternative to Saber's 'plan'. His mouth came up with something before his brain did, "like marriage?"

The pleasant humming stopped and a malevolent aura sprang up behind the former master and servant pair, clearly having nothing to do with Sakura's sickly sweet smile. A cracking noise emanated from the bowl of dough as the Matou clenched her hands. Shirou gulped. It was more than a little intimidating when such a sound could be produced by squeezing dough. A hasty glance revealed small tendrils of Darkness seeping into the air around the purple haired Magus.

Shirou did not turn around again and instead faced Saber's disapproving stare.

"Not only would that not work, due to the fact that marrying into the royal family would only make you a prince at best, but the most eligible members of the family would be the current Queen's granddaughters, who I believe are still in their mid-teens. A most uncouth and ill-conceived suggestion based on current standards of marriageable age. Also, I know of at least three," and here Saber's cheeks tinged pink, "people who would likely... disagree with such an idea," she glanced at Sakura and her small cloud of doom, "So we should discard that notion of yours immediately."

Shirou jerkily nodded his agreement. Anything to prevent death by evil miasma and angry women. He wasn't sure which of the two scared him more.

Upon the endangered male's agreement the presence of 'all the evils in the world' winked out of existence, although Sakura still wore a fake smile.

"Ne Saber," she began with a dangerous look, "do you think we should let Sis know about Senpai's bright idea?"

"N-No of co-course not!" Shirou stammered as he frantically waved his arms in front of himself.

Two visible looks, and an invisible one, quickly silenced him and Shirou hesitantly resumed his duties although if one looked closely, his arms were shaking. Noticing this, Saber took a little pity on the distressed magus.

"I do not think this is worth bringing to my Master's attention Sakura," a piercing shriek echoed down the hall and carried through the room. Saber tilted her head slightly at the familiar sound, "I would not want to cause her any further distress. Will that be a problem?"

"Not at all," Sakura agreed easily, following Saber's lead on the path of mercy. Her smile became more natural, "we make no mention of this little incident."

"Indeed," with the servant's agreement Sakura resumed her task of kneading dough, this time without excessive force. Moments later she picked up her peaceful humming as well.

Saber turned her attention back to Shirou once it was clear that there would be no further repercussions from his blunder.

"Speaking of alternatives, I would like to discuss something with you," the baking magus hastily finished swapping around a few trays of scones before returning Saber's attention, "I have heard rumor of mind control scones…"

Desperate to regain some face or at least lighten the atmosphere Shirou, or more accurately his mouth, lept at the presented opportunity.

"Mind control? Saber that sounds rather underhanded of you," unfortunately the foolish chef's joke was ill-timed and ill-directed. Saber's face went blank and from nowhere, she summoned her invisible sword, embedding it in the floor with a solid thunk.

"Saber! My kitchen!" the servant ignored his protest and calmly laid her hands on the hilt of her blade.

"Shirou, hast thou cast doubt upon mine honour?" the King of Knights cast a cold glare over the giver of such an insult.

Much like before, Shirou immediately realized his mistake and backpedaled as fast as he could. He also decided that his foot and mouth must be great friends based on how often one ended up inside the other.

"Of course not Saber! It was meant as a joke," he half hid behind a freshly conjured tray, "I was just curious as to why you would mention such... unique... tactics."

Emerald eyes narrowed in suspicion before easing.

"I will... accept that explanation for the time being," Saber relented and dismissed her sword, "However you would do well to let me finish my thoughts in the future Shirou. As I was saying I have heard tales of mind control scones. I do not care if they are real or not, I would like to confirm that they are not and will not be used at any point in this operation. Am I clear?" she fixed him with an imperious stare.

"Yes ma'am," snapped Shirou as he diligently returned to his baking.

He kept his mouth shut for the rest of the day. It was safer that way.

* * *

 **Somewhere that is NOT the Clocktower**

Crimson eyes opened and low hiss filled the air.

"Finally," the hiss said, "I have found what I needed,"

A flash of white in darkness. A savage, bloody smile.

"I've got a cult to eat,"

The clouds parted and moonlight framed a twisted silhouette.

"Bon... Appetit"

* * *

 **Second Musing:**

I really do apologize for the cliffhanger but fight scenes are hard for me to write so I didn't fully finish it. At the same time, I didn't want to just leave you all with nothing for another month or two. So this compromise came about where I publish what I have along with a bunch of little pieces to hopefully keep everyone interested.

See you in... (insert amount of time that will probably be incorrect).

-The Engineered Muse


	10. Chapter 10: Progression

**Author's Musings:**

These will be included at the end as I need to give credit to some people whose ideas I have borrowed (with permission). Sharing early might spoil things a bit. So for now just enjoy the chapter before reading all of my thoughts.

Enjoy!

And of course I don't own Fate/Stay night or anything else referenced below in any way, shape, or form. You know. The usual.

* * *

 **An Alternate Universe: Location Unknown**

" **I am the bone of my sword."**

It took only a moment for Baker to register Archer and his weapon. A spiraling sword that elongated into an arrow as it was drawn, humming with power and covered in a myriad of cracks. The counter guardian had flooded the sword/arrow with enough prana to fracture its physical form into instability. The copied noble phantasm was already powerful, but Archer made it more. Made it dangerous. Made it volatile. Made it _broken_.

Baker recognized the weapon, it was Caladbolg II, the fake spiral sword. A noble phantasm copied and altered by Archer from its original into a purely destructive projectile capable of wide scale destruction.

He couldn't let it near him, his defenses would not hold and even if he internally deployed his reality marble the resulting blast would scatter him far enough to leave him helpless. That left two options: dodge or block, but at this range Archer would not miss even if Baker attempted to get out of the way, so in reality he only had one choice. He would have to block the shot as far away from his body as possible and ride out the inevitable explosion.

"You are arrogant," came Archer's accusation and Baker had to suppress a smirk. His current course of action certainly supported that conclusion.

An iridescent shield, reminiscent of flowers flowed to the forefront of the chef's mind. A splendid shield and favored defense of Archer himself, but Baker could no longer use it. All of the blueprints, the knowledge, of legendary artifacts he held could not be brought forth with his reality marble. Only unlimited blade works could recreate noble phantasms. He could not use Rho Aias to block the broken Caladbolg… but he could do something similar.

" **I am the bake of my oven."**

Baker grasped not the shield itself, but its very concept. He pulled from his mind the understanding of protection, the idea of a seven layer shield as strong as seven fortresses and then brought to bear the strength of his own reality marble. He layered the base concept with the tools of his trade, melding physical creation into intangible form. An entirely new construct formed within his mind and power blazed through his magic circuits as he traced it in the real world. Blue arcs of prana sprang up around Baker, matched by more at a point nearly midway between the two servants at the very edge of his traceable range.

Silver-sheened pans edged into existence, seven of then, arranged in a gleaming parody of petals. They hung suspended, alone, for an instant before a shimmering field of violet flickered briefly around them. Then in a tremendous flood more sheets of metal arrayed behind original formation, covering all gaps and exponentially increasing the thickness of the barrier. A solid disk of steel, topped by a crude imitation of a flower and crackling with power stood between Baker and his destruction.

He had a good feeling about it.

"CALADBOLG!" Archer's called, releasing his arrow and Baker bared his teeth in a savage grin as he responded with a shout of his own.

"PAN DIAS!" he really wished he could see his fellow servant's face, just for the reaction, but some things weren't meant to be. There was an exploding sword was in the way.

A red streak of light lept from Archer's bow and hit the improvised defensive phantasm, which immediately collapsed under the impact. Such a bastardized attempt at a shield could never have stopped something as powerful as Caladbolg II, an A rank noble phantasm… but that had never been Baker's intent.

All he had to do was detonate it.

The explosion ripped through the space between the servants, showering them with debris and forcing the backwards. Baker silently thanked the fact that his shield didn't transfer damage to the wielder like the original Rho Aias. As the heat died down Archer's face emerged from the dust, walking forward.

"And this is exactly what I mean when I say arrogant," it seemed the bow servant's scowl was becoming permanent, "matching noble phantasms with kitchen equipment? It's ridiculous and insulting to the legends themselves."

"I'm sorry things aren't panning out for you," Baker smiled and Archer audibly growled, "but you aren't much better. You're still a faker after all, at least my things are partially my own."

"Partially!? That perversion of Rho Aias should not exist!" the red servant cast aside his bow and it shattered into prana fragments. His next words carried intangible weight.

" **Steel is my body and fire is my blood."**

Space rippled for a moment and stilled, but Baker paid it no mind.

"I think you are assuming I can still trace actual phantasms. I lost that ability along with Unlimited Blade Works when I achieved perfect tracing and something else, something new," he raised an arm and swept it to the side.

" **Flour is my body and milk my blood."**

Following Baker's gesture the clouds of dust were swept away, revealing the scarred landscape of rust red rock and broken ice.

"Can't trace phan…. Perfect tracing?" the statements seemed to catch Archer off guard and he stepped to the side, beginning to slowly circle Baker, "what do you mean?" the anger was still there, but it was tempered by caution… and curiosity.

" **I have created over a thousand blades."**

The words rolled from Archer's lips after his question, almost an afterthought. Less a deliberate action and more a simple fact of his being there. Utterly natural.

"Why don't you take a closer look then," the chef servant traced a one of his trays, holding it towards his counterpart. It had taken many years, but after Rin had noticed the lack of decay in Baker's scones he had followed the path to the inevitable conclusion. The rest of his cookware didn't decay either.

" **I have created over a thousand flavors."**

Simple words to describe an extraordinary claim. Power was building in the air.

"Really?" questioned the doubtful counter guardian, but Baker could see him analyzing, grasping the structure of the simple silver pan, "impossi…" Archer muttered quietly before his voice grew loud once more, "Bullshit!" the hot anger had returned and he stopped his circling, "Shirous and their root be damned bullshit!"

" **Unknown to death, nor known to life."**

A flicker of blue prana lightning shot off into the distance. Baker smirked a smirk he learned from Zelretch.

"Says one of the first Shirous to do the impossible and gain a reality marble. But let's get to the real point of this shall we," He pointed an accusing finger, "why are you still trying to kill Shirou?"

" **Never once too salty, never once too dry."**

A flicker of heat and a distant roar. Archer stood impassively, all emotion gone. Baker wondered what is was that he had said. The red servant opened his mouth and flatly stated one word.

"What."

* * *

"What."

Thoughts raced through Archer's mind, temporarily burying his growing fury. Did this absurd version of Shirou really not get it? It's not like his reasoning had changed at all. If Shirou died than Archer might not exist. Simple and uncomplicated. He told the blue servant as much.

"My reasons haven't changed."

"And that's where I'm confused," the damnably calm servant did actually look confused, "from what you have said, you've fought plenty of Shirou's before. Surely one of them got you to rethink your dream like I did when I fought you, or a version of you, before."

Ah, that explained it. Not an unreasonable thought, but so, so wrong. Disappointment mixed with his anger.

"Do you know what's worse than falling into despair like I did?" Archer asked, but did not leave time for an answer. He cut off any attempt at an answer, "being saved without truly being saved."

He looked down at his hands, anger ebbing away, replaced by something else.

"The first time I fought Shirou he did just what you said. He reminded me of my dream. Of my origins. Of why I tread my path in the first place. It was…. Beautiful, blissful even," he looked up and met Baker's eyes, "but although he saved my mind I was still a counter guardian. For a time I fought on as a hero once more. I even met a few Shirous and helped them, but time destroys all things and I fell once again beneath the blood and destruction. For a second time I despaired and wished for an end," by the look on the blue servant's face he could guess the end of the story, but Archer continued anyway.

"I fought yet another Shirou and against all odds he beat me. He reminded me of my dream. I saw it shine so bright. I felt it resonate within me once again. He saved me… again. But then came the endless death and the return of despair. The cycle continued. Again. And again. And again. And again." Archer's face was hard.

"And now the desire to end it all outweighs whatever I can see in the hypocritical wish of a broken child. There is not need to listen any longer, I have only one path. I have..."

" **Withstood pain to create weapons, Waiting for one's arrival."**

He ended his brief story with more words of power and awaited a response.

"Then I'll just have to truly save you," Baker stood firm, fists clenched and the anger flared bright once more.

"Did you not hear what I just said! I care not for your empty promises! I am beyond saving!"

"I disagree."

" **Withstood heat to create pastries, Waiting for them to brown."**

Power built still higher as Baker continued his absurd aria to match Archer's own. It was clear this Shirou was as unreasonable and distorted as the rest. The time for talking was past and both servants were well into the arias for their respective reality marbles. Archer knew he would have time for one, possibly two big shots at Baker before it came down to their inner worlds.

He would have to make his hits count. And he knew which ones to use.

"So you haven't changed at all, but you still learned some new tricks," Archer bared a grin of his own and raised an arm, "you aren't the only one," the red clad servant had enough time to savour the look of surprise on his opponents face as his prana surged and drained. A massive

black sword sparked into existence above him, etched with swaths of red, before launching forward.

"ZAN KAN KEN!" Archer's shout was followed by a staggered step backwards. Tracing the building sized sword always took a lot out of him, but the sheer impact of the weapon threw Baker backwards into the air against his will. The blue servant struggled to right himself as he tumbled high into the air. Archer needed space and time for what came next. This technique and his reality marble would be his last shot as his prana reserves wouldn't hold out much longer if he wanted to maintain his existence, not that Baker could be faring much better.

" **Yet, those hands will never hold anything."**

The world of steel and smoke rose within Archer, edging towards the real world. He rode the swell of power and started tracing once more, trusting that his previous strike had bought him the time he needed.

"Spirit and technique, flawless and firm," the familiar forms of kanshou and bakuya settled into his hands as he tracked the descending form of Baker, "Our strength rips the mountains," he wordlessly altered the blades in his hands, embedding a delayed magecraft into each, before flinging them forwards. As the disks of black and white sped away another pair of the twin swords appeared in his grip. The inherent connection of the blades, born from their origins of a tragic blacksmith and his wife, drew them together and shifted the pattern of their flight. It had taken years to master even the most basic use of this attraction, but now the swords flew according to Archer's will.

"Our swords split the water," once again the swords were altered and enchanted in preparation. Baker landed unsteadily in time to barely dodge the first set of spinning blades curving in towards him from the sides, pulled by their duplicates in Archer's hands.

" **I have no regrets. I tread a delicious path."**

Despite the distractions Baker continued his chant and the world shuddered under the tension.

"Our names reach the skies above," Archer continued as the second set of black and white swords joined the first in the air, forcing Baker to dodge once more and leaving all four blades spinning in the air behind Baker, arching upwards and slowing. The chef did not seem perturbed by the progression of the attack. He thought he knew what was coming.

Archer kept his smirk in check and held his anger tight.

"The two of us..." A third set of swords flowed forth from Archer's inner world, but didn't stop at their base form. Power flooded into the blades, and like Caladbolg before them, they broke. Their spines cracked and expanded into a wild growth of spines to fuel their expansion. In an instant the swords extended far beyond their base, almost resembling wings of fractured metal. With the added size came an added pull on their counterparts and, as planned by Archer, the four flying blades altered course again.

"... can reach ever upwards together," the counter-guardian leapt forward, swords ready and timed to strike in tandem with the descending blades he had thrown. As he approached his opponent Archer saw the exact moment that Baker actually _looked_ at the weapons arranged against him and read what they could be used for. The surprise and fear that bloomed on the arrogant servant's face were a sweet sight to Archer as the spells on the flying swords triggered.

Gradient Parallel triggered.

Archer could no longer remember the specific world in which he learned of the ability to duplicate projections after they were made, but it was a skill he never forgot, even if he rarely used it. The higher prana cost made it a risky venture, but in time of extreme need… it could work wonders. Gradient Parallel was such an interesting skill and it would be Baker's downfall.

In a flash of light the four flying blades each generated two more copies already in motion. While theoretically capable of creating more, Archer dared not try as adjusting for the pull of eight additional blades had taken half a subjective lifetime. The last time he had tried for more had been… painful.

Archer's planning and experience wove the chaotic blades into a net of spinning steel. He could see Baker's mouth moving and prana motes forming something, but it was too late. The broken kanshou and bakuya swept forward, accompanied by Archer's frenzied shout and seven sets of spinning swords.

"CRANE WING SEVENTH HEAVEN!"

A tortured shriek of shattering steel. An explosive eruption of dust, metal, and something else.

Archer felt his blades connect with something, but could barely see through the scattering sparks and other debris. He peered through the turmoil and behind it all saw movement.

"I told you Archer..." Baker stepped out of the remains of the attack, shards of metal oozing from his skin and falling to the ground. Countless cuts covered his body, but they did not bleed, instead they filled with...dough? Two lines of pale pastry bisected the servant, right where Archer's own expanded swords should have hit.

"What…" Archer lept back in surprise. He could not find the words. He did not understand. How? How had...

"I'm going to save you," the ragged servant in blue stumbled forward a step and coughed up a glob of semisolid _something_ and Archer seized the opening. Surviving this long did not mean the fight was over. Not all trumps had been used. He had one card left to play.

" **So as I pray, Unlimited Blade Works."**

Fire and light birthed a land of smoke and steel, spreading ever outwards to a hazy horizon. Massive gears, coated with rust, spun silently in the sky far above. Countless swords stood scattered amidst grit and dust, testaments to ceaseless conflict. A barren wasteland of blades replaced the icy emptiness of the servant's surroundings. The inner world of Archer, the counter guardian EMIYA, wrote itself over the world.

Archer knew he wouldn't be able to maintain his reality marble for long, but it wouldn't matter. He could use any of the blades within his world without cost now that the marble was fully manifested. Baker would be gone before the drain of supporting the marble became too much. The red servant raised his arm, blades appearing in the air as if they had always been there. This was the end.

Baker sighed and Archer hesitated.

Why did he hesitate?

"It's unfortunate that you regret this place," the blue servant looked over the gloom filled landscape, ignoring the floating swords above his head, "You regret this tool you have become," Baker's words didn't matter. Archer knew that he shouldn't listen. Far too many Shirous had swayed him with words.

He _knew_ he shouldn't listen.

Yet the swords remained still. Unmoving.

"It's sad that you reject your own inner world and lack the pride that I have in mine. I am a good chef and I know it," Baker turned his eyes to Archer, "My world is a confirmation of who I am, not a past that I am desperately running from. This world has been rejected by its creator and is such a fragile thing," Baker looked up to the monolithic gears, "but it doesn't have to be that way."

" **I am the chef of Unlimited Scone Works."**

A warm wind blossomed, brushing aside the haze in an instant and turning the swords to dust, that they might scatter. The gears split and and began to shine before reforging into shimmering cookware. A brilliant sun crested the horizon and brought with it an incessant roar. The roar of limitless ovens, alight with flame, lining the hill rising from the ground behind Baker. Worn stone rose beneath the servant's feet, forming a serving patio bordered by intricate railings.

Archer took a step back as he felt the world ripped from his control. He felt paralyzed by… by… something. He knew he could have won, but for some reason he had stayed his hand. Baker wasn't even reasoning like the Shirous before him. The chef wasn't ranting about his dream. Why had he hesitated in the absence of actual argument?

"The best part is," Baker began as he waved his arm, the air distorting around him, "is that I don't have to convince you that I can save you. I just have to win and then I'll show you," floating scones formed in the air by the dozen, or even by baker's dozens, "but first you will hold up your end of the bargain and help me win this war with Shirou," the blue servant grinned, "after all, you took the bet."

Archer stared up at the growing cloud of pastries in disbelief. Reflexively he structurally grasped them and… couldn't really accept what he saw. At least he recognized what they were. He had plenty of weapons that embodied ideas in his reality marble. But still...

"Baker…" he spoke up in disbelief, all fight draining away, "are those… _conceptual_ scones," a reality marble based around cooking was ridiculous enough, but this…

"Well yes, but I use a slightly different term," Baker raised an arm, mirroring Archer's earlier gesture, "these scones are explosion flavored."

"Shirous and their bullshit…" Archer slumped in defeat.

Baker's arm lowered.

The scones fell.

The explosions were delicious.

* * *

Archer awoke to see an empty sky. He was laying on his back and could feel rock, not dusty scrub, beneath him. He let out a sigh.

"Guess I lost then, huh" strangely he didn't feel as bad about it as he thought he would. Disappointed, sure, but upset…maybe. It was hard to tell.

"Yeah," Archer turned his head at the voice and saw Baker sitting on the ground a short distance away. The servant of the bow sat up and faced the one who had defeated him.

"You're broken. Conceptual scones are bullshit," there was surprisingly little emotion in his statement.

"An unfortunate habit of Shirous. Being bullshit," Baker trailed off into silence.

"Now what?" a breeze ruffled his white hair and carried with it some red grit, "I lost, so what's the plan?" Archer was tired, and low on prana. There was no point in arguing. He just felt… empty.

"Well…" Baker rubbed the back of his head in an all too familiar gesture, "I admit I was lying about exactly what I wanted for my side of things if I won, but you seem to be taking this easily. I expected some complaints at least," the blue servant looked expectant. Archer snorted.

"Don't take this the wrong way Baker, but I just don't care. And it's not like I bet anything meaningful. So I have to stay here for a few more days than planned and help another Shirou cast himself into hell," Archer shrugged, "nothing I haven't seen before and subjectively that span of time is nothing compared to what I've been through. Although," he cast a heatless glare towards the other servant, "you still irk me to no end. And what was that about lying to me?"

"What I actually want you to do is even simpler than what I said before," Baker seemed nonplussed by Archer's attitude, "With Rin and whoever else might show up helping me, the war is already as good as won, though Gil might be a bit tricky. We don't need your help. We really just need you to not try and kill Shirou at inopportune moments," Archer should have been angry at being dismissed as a nuisance at best, but didn't see the point.

"That can't be all…" it couldn't be.

"Oh right," the familiar 'sheepish Emiya' face made an appearance, "I'll also need a small favor after the fighting ends," Baker tapped his chin in thought, "although we could do it earlier… but then Shirou would feel left out and probably charge in with some sort of hero complex," both servants winced slightly even though Archer didn't know the exact context, "best to just wait, but I guarantee that it won't hurt or change you in any way and will be extremely simple. Sound ok?"

"Whatever," Archer would have agreed to just about anything as long as it sped up the process of ending the war so he could be unsummoned. Perhaps he could convince Rin to do so early due to his low prana?

….

Who was he kidding.

"You do know that my Rin will rope me into whatever scheme your Rin comes up with even if you tell me that I don't have to help, right?" Baker's face fell at his comment.

"It's… worth a shot," the chef offered hesitantly.

"Our Rins will be too busy feeling smug and superior about their plans to listen to either of us," the servants sighed in unison. Despite his dislike of Baker on principle, he had to admit that it was nice to have someone else understand certain truths. Apparently all Shirous, no matter how different, understood the ways of the world and the inevitability of Rin.

"Alright then," Baker's far too chipper voice cut into Archer's thoughts. Apparently he had come to a decision, "Ok. The plan for now is for you to pray that Rin isn't too demanding and try not to let Shirou bother you too much while the rest of the war plays out. I'll probably take a crack at correcting his views on life while I'm here, so if you pitch in for that it wouldn't hurt," the chef was far to enthusiastic for Archer's tastes. Did he not hear the part about subjective time or how this wouldn't be simple? Baker was moving, what was he up to now? He couldn't get a read on this unpredictable Shirou. First he fought him, then he offered to save him, then he commiserated with him and was being polite...

He didn't know what to think as the blue clad servant settled down next to him and patted him on the back. Archer stiffened at the contact, his expression stoney.

"And don't forget. I've got a surprise for you once all this is over," Archer kept his distaste in check and answered.

"Yeah. I'm looking forward to it," any surprise from this servant was likely to be just as insane as he was.

"Now there is some emotion," smiled Baker, appearing to not mind the negativity in the least.

Silence passed for a time as Archer stared out towards the horizon, already resigning himself to waiting another lifetime for a shot at killing a Shirou Emiya and ending his farce of an existence. No point in caring now, he would keep his word and move on. This world's Shirou was lost to him. Baker had already proven he was capable of defeating Archer, not even counting Rin's possible involvement if he tried anything from here on out. All he had left to do was make it through the war with practically no prana to keep Rin happy...

He sighed again. The next few days were going to be quite troublesome.

"Worried about what comes next? And the lack of prana to face it?" queried Baker. Archer twitched in surprise. How had he… oh right. They had technically originated from the same person and his thought process wasn't exactly complex at the moment.

Archer grunted in acknowledgement. There was no point in hiding it.

"Well I can help with part of that at least," And now the crazy servant was offering to directly help him. Although he was rather vague on which part he would be helping with.

"What now," Archer grumbled. He was so tired of it all.

"Well if you thought I was broken before…" a scone materialized and dropped into Archer's lap and prompted a blank stare.

"This is going irritate me, isn't it," he didn't even bother to phrase it as a question.

"Oh just eat it already. It's delicious I promise," Baker smirked, "and don't worry about me," like Archer would have, "I already had one earlier and it helped a bunch."

Archer delicately picked up the scone. It certainly _smelled_ amazing and the small part of him that fondly remembered cooking was urging him to try it, but he paused for a moment to structurally grasp the pastry.

As information flowed into his brain Archer noted that he was apparently fine with planning war with a former enemy, but when handed a scone he got suspicious. There were reasons that such logic both made sense and did not at the same time, but Archer brushed them aside. All it really meant was that stability wasn't exactly a key feature of his mind anymore. It hadn't been for a while.

His technique finished and revealed an ordinary scone... except for the vast amount of raw prana contained within it. He looked back to Baker. Now this was just absurd.

"No." Baker's smirk became a wide smile in response to Archer's single, stern word.

"Yes," did Baker just giggle? By the root of all creation how did a Shirou Emiya become something like that. As if reading his mind the servant in blue continued speaking, "and I even know people who break waaaay more rules than I do."

Archer decided he was better off not knowing, but there was one thing that was bothering him…

"If this is made from your prana, how would eating one earlier have helped you at all?" Baker chuckled at the question.

"All those other hints and that's what you ask about? Man we Shirous have screwed up priorities… but to answer your question it doesn't cost anything to make a scone inside my reality marble since they already exist there. It's much like swords in your reality marble. So I ate a scone while Unlimited Scone Works was still up and got a net gain of prana as opposed to breaking even. Pretty simple really."

"Huh," that actually made at least some sense. Archer took a bite of the scone and scowled through the delicious rush of prana. It seemed he wasn't lying about his ridiculous powers. The red clad servant couldn't help but mutter something about Shirous and bullshit.

"I get that reaction a lot. You should have seen Rin's when she found out," Baker sighed fondly, "good times…"

As the chef trailed off, partially lost in his own memories, a pinprick of light blinked into existence about a dozen feet away from the servants. The sourceless light quickly unfolded through 5 dimensions, leaving behind a swirling mass of kaleidoscopic colors and fracturing realities. Baker snapped back to the present.

"Well that's our ride," he stood and turned to Archer, "you ready to tell your Rin that we just had a knockout brawl?"

The counter guardian winced. He was fairly certain that Rin of all people wouldn't be pleased with his actions, but he didn't have much choice.

"No," Archer admitted. He would just have to hope for the best and eek out what enjoyment, if any, he could.

"Look on the bright side," Baker offered him a hand up, "we at least get to see what Shirou looks like after my Rin had words with him," the pair turned towards the waiting portal, "that should be worth a laugh or two.

* * *

Baker and Archer emerged from the swirling portal and encountered a strange sight. Rin (the universally local one) was bent over and poking at a frozen Shirou, clearly interested in his condition. The hero wanna-be was slumped at the room's table, eyes wide open and staring sightlessly into a corner of the room. Every so often he would twitch, causing Rin to tilt her head to the side in confusion.

Archer coughed to poorly cover his own amusement. Annoyed as he was at being forced to stick around and play nice, it was… therapeutic to see Shirou in such a situation.

"What… did you do to him?" the normally headstrong magus asked hesitantly, both unerved and intensely curious. She had only regained consciousness recently herself

Ruby, who was sitting smugly across the table from Shirou and watching the scene with obvious mirth, looked first to Rin and then focused on Baker. Upon seeing the overly kind smile accompanying said gaze the chef servant immediately tried to step back through a now non existent portal.

"Nothing much. We just had a brief chat about somebody's recent activities and then I made sure he would stop being such a poor example of a mage," Baker gulped, there was no way Shirou hadn't ratted him out for giving him his memories yet. Ruby's smile widened and promised pain in Baker's future. She would wait patiently until the current problems were solved and then the repercussions would hit.

"Could you be more specific?" Rin poked Shirou once more and let out a small noise of surprise as the teen tilted to the side. She managed to catch his body before the edge of the table became well acquainted with Shirou's head.

"I just opened his magic circuits properly so the idiot would stop converting his nerves into temporary ones every time he used magecraft," Ruby leaned forward over the table, steepling her fingers.

"He was what!?" Rin's head snapped away from her efforts of getting Shirou to remain balanced and upright causing him to start falling once more. A frantic grab from Rin preserved the integrity of Shirou's skull for a second time. Ruby ignored the outburst entirely and continued speaking, her eyes glinting.

"I also put the fear of me, and you, into him so that he doesn't get any ideas about not listening to Rin Tohsaka in the future," her eyes, now with an ominously dark sheen, darted to Baker and Archer before returning to her younger self, "which is a recurring problem, I assure you."

"I'll take your… my, word for it. This is still weird," Rin gingerly let go of Shirou, her hands hovering just inches away in case he started to fall again. She had invested a lot of effort to keep him intact and it was _not_ going to be wasted.

"It should also come in handy when you finally confess your feelings for him. He won't be able to say no," Ruby grinned maliciously as Rin's face quickly matched her red sweater in color.

"W-what! N-no. I do not l-like that idiot," frantic arm waving accompanied the panicked denial and upset Shirou's precarious balance. This time there was no last minute save and a loud thump accompanied the introduction of Shirou's head to the table. The teen stirred.

"Oh come now Rin, no need to be so dramatic," Ruby leaned back and airily waved a hand in the air, "everyone actually listening here is from the future and already knows about your infatuation with Mr. Hero," said Mr. Hero let out a groan and shifted enough to start sliding off the table. A muffled thump marked his introduction to the ground.

"B-but…" Rin looked around, taking in Ruby's cheshire grin, Archer's poorly concealed amusement, and Baker's placid smile. Her gaze hardened and her posture stiffened, "Very well then. I suppose you have a point, but you will not speak of this again," Baker and Archer shrank back from her glare a little, but Ruby just chuckled.

"Speak of what Tohsaka?" a dazed Shirou threw an arm on the table and pulled himself upright. Rin blushed again, but held herself still.

"N-nothing. Idiot," the embarrassed teen humphed and turned away from Shirou while crossing her arms.

"As refreshing as this is," murmured Archer, "could we move things along? I believe Ruby mentioned time constraints at some point and I am all for ending this war quickly."

"Killjoy," smirked Ruby as the slowly reviving Shirou flinched at her voice, "but I suppose we can move on to our strategy meeting now that everyone is awake and will refrain from killing each other for the foreseeable future," she raised a single finger and assumed a classic Rin lecture pose, "We have four main objectives to accomplish, each with their own complications, and we don't have the luxury of time thanks to somebody," Ruby rolled her eyes so they landed on an unperturbed Baker, "tipping our hand to a certain father killing asshole of a priest," Rin's blush faded into a frown at the mention of Kirei, "but that's over and done with so on to our objectives. First, we need to stop Caster from continuing to drain the city and its people of prana by taking out her position at Ryuudou Temple. This will require defeating Assassin and Caster while holding off Caster's master."

Rin hesitantly opened her mouth to ask a question as Shirou continued to get his bearings.

"Who…"

"Wait til after the summary Rin. Need to know questions only for now," Ruby overrode her alternate with ease, "Second, we will deal with the threat posed by Berserker and Shirou's sister,"

"My/His what!?" exclaimed Rin and Shirou at the same time. The shock had forced the recovering Shirou into full lucidity.

"Well step sister technically since Illya is the biological daughter of your adopted father Kiritsugu Emiya," Ruby tapped her chin in thought.

"Wait," Rin's eyes widened, "THAT Emiya!? As in the famous Magus Killer?" she seemed stunned by the revelation, "I-I always though his name was a coincidence…" Rin trailed off and turned to look accusingly at Ruby, "I thought we covered all of the insane revelations last night, but now there is a sister and infamous father involved?" Ruby smiled back innocently.

"We covered everything major related to you," Rin relaxed slightly at the older woman's words, "I think. Most of the big things anyway," Rin's shoulders slumped at the clarification, "but we barely scratched the surface of our Mr. Emiya."

"Fine," sighed Rin, pointedly ignoring the two servants watching from the sidelines with eerily similar smirks, "but is there anything else shocking that we can get out of the way now so we don't have to deal with it later?"

"I'm honestly not certain how much you are aware of at the moment in regards to other secrets," Ruby lied unconvincingly, "so I'm just going to move on," Rin glared impotently, "Third. We need to destroy the greater Grail or at least prevent its manifestation. This will require removing Lancer, Kirei, and the previous war's Archer. Gilgamesh. This task will be last so that there are no other enemies to complicate matters. Good ol Gil will be tough enough without distractions."

Baker and Archer grunted in agreement, nearly in unison, before turning to regard each other. One version of Shirou looked distinctly capable of violence and almost like he had swallowed something unpleasant. The other wore a jaunty smile and seemed more amused than anything else.

"The fourth and final objective is to…" Ruby leaned forward until her eyes were covered in shadow, " _deal_ with the Matou family," the second master of the Kaleidoscope steepled her fingers once more and chuckled darkly.

"But…" Rin began hesitantly.

"That despicable family of dying magi shouldn't exist anymore, not to mention that they have a master in this war," an evil gleam shone forth from the darkness around Ruby's eyes.

Baker had to hide his smile.

"Ruby!" Rin was more forceful this time, "what about Sakura?"

"Oh!" the older Rin leaned back with a pleasant grin, her eyes now twinkling merily, "obviously our sister is excluded from such plans," she delicately placed a hand over her heart and tried to look offended, "how could you think me so cruel…" All of the Shirous in the room snorted at Ruby's pitiful attempt at innocence.

Then all of her words registered.

"Your what!" Shirou exclaimed, "Sakura is your..."

"Sister," butted in Ruby as Rin looked flustered, "yes, but like the previous revelations it is not important at the moment. As I was saying, Shinji and Zouken…"

"Are already taken care of," this time it was Ruby who was interrupted. And by a voice familiar to everyone in the room.

Archer, Rin, and Shirou openly gaped at the newcomer.

Ruby looked like she wanted to ask what had taken so long.

Baker hesitated, unsure as to the reaction he would receive.

In the doorway stood an older Sakura Matou with purple hair braided down to her waist and… Sakura Matou cradled in her arms. The younger girl, held delicately by her near duplicate in a bridal carry, appeared to be completely unconscious. Flanking the older woman stood two exact copies of the servant Rider down to the blindfold and tight black clothing, although one of the two looked far more relaxed than the other.

"What is it?" the purple haired woman who wasn't dead to the world asked, tilting her head to the side in curiosity.

The rest of the room remained silent for a variety of reasons. Sakura turned to regard her version of Rin.

"Sis…" she let out a long suffering sigh, "you knew I was coming and didn't mention me at all did you? I swear you do that just to get these kind of reactions. Zel has been a terrible influence on you," the woman looked away from Ruby and perked up considerably, "Also. Hi other Sis! And hello Shirou, Shirou, and Shirou! The two behind me are Rider and Rider," the now smiling woman tilted her head to indicate each of her followers in turn, "I'm Sakura, and I'm sure you all know Sakura," she lifted the girl in her arms slightly as she said her name.

"And she says I'm the one he's a bad influence on…" Ruby muttered before raising her voice, "Could you pick a different name to go by while we are here? Same goes for you Rider," One of the twin servants noded, "it helps cut down on the confusion, not that we don't get a lot of that anyway…"

"I see…" commented Sakura while the rest of the room remained frozen, "so who's who?"

"Well Archer is Archer and our Shirou is going by his title of Baker."

"Of course he broke the system."

"You expected anything less?" Sakura shook her head and sighed at the question, "And I'm going by Ruby in this world,"

"Makes sense I suppose," the purple haired woman hmmed to herself, "I'll keep the theme then and go with Amethyst when I'm in the same room as other me. Not that will happen too often, she's gonna be out of it for a while since I dealt with all her problems. External and internal," sadness flickered on Amethyst's face, "I'm gonna go set her up in one of the guest rooms and keep an eye on her with the Riders while we work out names for them," she turned to leave but paused at the edge of the door, "and Baker," the addressed flinched at her stern tone, "you will come see me after your meeting is finished."

"Y-yes Sa.. Amethyst," the chef replied to the empty doorway. With the Sakuras and companion Riders gone the rest of the room started moving again.

"Rin has a sister… and it's Sakura…" Shirou was still processing everything.

"I don't know if I want to punch you or hug you right now," Rin's face was conflicted as she focused on Ruby, "I am also unsure if that would be considered self harm…" she was angry that Ruby was toying with them, but at the same time her sister was safe so...

"Well that's extremely convenient," Archer snarked, earning a look from Baker, "let me guess, some of your bullshit rubbed off on her?"

"Oh Baker has nothing on Amethyst," Ruby answered instead, "she's basically a living Holy Grail at this point and is totally broken," she ignored the looks her words had generated, "good timing though, that crosses off objective four leaving only the other three… Oh stop staring like that, we can do twenty questions later," Ruby snapped her fingers in front of herself a few time, "focus. Let's finish planning then interrogate or complain or breakdown or whatever. You have the general idea, so it's time to move on to specifics. Here is what we are going to do…"

* * *

 **The Clocktower**

Rin focused harder. She really did… and had sudden insight to how Shirou must have felt while she was _encouraging_ his efforts at improving his tracing skills.

It didn't help.

She reached for more prana and it just wasn't there. All her reserves had been used up in her earlier attempts. She pictured drawing power from a her that was not her and yet was overlaid with herself perfectly. She envisioned the process of linking herself to other Rins who were both her and not her. She tried everything she could think of to push past the undefinable barrier of a singular world and reach beyond…

She even tried listening to Zelretch and "reaching sideways". Whatever that actually meant.

In the end Rin did the only thing she could in the situation.

"Why doesn't it work!"

Complain about it.

"I believe in you Rin!" an energetic call from her oh so helpful teacher did not make her feel any better. The mocking giggle from another source didn't help either.

"Would you be disappointed if I said that I don't believe in you?" Rin snapped back, "can't you explain this any better?"

"I already told you that there is no way to explain the manipulation of multiple realities in a language you would understand. Do you know what aquamarine tastes like? Or the opposite of toothpaste?" the elderly vampire's questions were filled with honest curiosity.

Rin's unintelligible grumbling and angry glare were answer enough and a superior sounding laugh rang through the room.

"OHOHOHOH!"

The frustrated magus did not turn and look at the source of the laughter, much preferring to continue her visual accosting of Zelretch.

"Can't you give me any more h-help," Rin shuddered slightly at the last word. She was not a fan of asking for such a thing.

"Nope," Zelretch over enunciated the p with a loud pop as usual, "This is something you'll have to get on you own. You'll know when you get close. I've explained the idea behind it, the rest is all you," he spread his arms wide, still sitting comfortably on a tie-dye couch as he watched his apprentices train in his workshop, "personally I'd say you are probably overthinking things."

"Overthinking my a…" Rin cut herself off, knowing exactly what her next word would lead too. There was an amused chuckle from her side.

"Are you sure something else isn't bothering you Tohsaka?" it was a haughty question and Rin reluctantly, and with deliberate slowness, turned to regard her fellow pupil.

Luvia was surrounded by an aura of shifting colors reminiscent of a… Kaleidoscope.

Rin inhaled deeply and spoke with forced calm.

"No Luvia," her voice rose just a tad high on the final syllable, "I'm just fine," a small cracking noise echoed through the room. A noise with no observable source.

"Just checking, wouldn't want you to have any more trouble catching up to me," Luvia smirked, "as is only natural for someone from a family as meager as yours."

"I'll have you know…" Rin pointed a finger accusingly and reached for her… empty prana reserves. Her circuits were refilling with od, but for the moment she was running dry, "that…" her rising voice trailed off and Luvia smirked, her colorful aura swirling faster and growing slightly.

"What Tohsaka?"

"Mrgurgle btch ocrse rddcls," although loud, Rin's words lacked a certain amount of enunciation. Her face contorted in repressed anger and for an instant something flickered through her mind. An alien and incomprehensible feeling that left without a trace, leaving Rin a little confused and wondering if she had felt anything at all.

Zelretch just looked on with amusement, having pulled a bucket of popcorn from nowhere.

"Could you say that again please?" the blonde's kindness was sickeningly sweet. Rin's face only grew redder as she turned and stormed out of the room, slamming the door upon exiting. A scream of rage traveled through the door and likely large portions of the Clocktower. Luvia and Zelretch just looked at eachother.

"So are we ever going to tell her that the colors are fake and I haven't figured out the Kaleidoscope either," sounds of an angry Rin continued to recede down the hall, "or are we just going to keep…" Luvia paused for a moment, "what was the word you used earlier?" she snapped her fingers impatiently, "the one that means annoying on purpose or something like that."

"Trolling?" offered Zelretch, the wizard martial. One of the most powerful beings in existence.

"Ah yes," Luvia tapped her fist against her other palm, "that's the word. Are we just going to keep trolling her?"

Zelretch favored his second pupil with a deadpan look.

"Right, stupid question."

* * *

"I can't believe this is going so well," Shirou hefted another crate of wrapped pastries into the back of a delivery truck parked outside the Clocktower.

"It is merely the result of good planning and exceptional skills Shirou," commented Saber, handing over another crate.

"I suppose… but still," Shirou sighed.

"Do you doubt the skills at play?"

"No. Of course not, but gaining this much of a following using only scones is a bit much, even for me," the magus scratched the back of his head, "I know I'm a good cook and all but…"

"Don't discount Saber's contributions," Sakura butted in, carrying a few carefully wrapped paper packages from inside, "having your distributor be someone with a B rank in both Charisma and Riding really makes things easier. Right Saber?" the woman cheerfully handed off her load to the waiting servant, who stacked them with the rest and closed the back of the truck.

"Indeed Sakura. Distribution and delivery have proceeded at an excellent pace. The public is already clamoring for more," the servant strode to the front of the vehicle and opened the door before looking back, "I must be off to placate the masses. Ensure there is an adequate supply for when I return," moments later the truck left with a squeal of tires, expertly weaving through the narrow streets.

Shirou and Sakura stood still for a moment.

"I still don't understand how this happened," Shirou sighed.

"Well you were already knighted for your accomplishments in the kitchen," supplied Sakura, "now everyone is learning just how talented you truly are."

Shirou frowned.

"But how does that translate into people suggesting I become the king of an entire country. A country that already has a royal family I might add," he crossed his arms, "a culinary coup. It's absurd."

"You do tend to attract that sort of thing Shirou," admitted Sakura.

"Has my life always been this crazy. Be honest with me."

"Yes, but you were just a little too oblivious to notice it before," the purple haired woman leaned sideways to give Shirou a half hug, "don't worry we still love you despite said obliviousness."

Shirou was too busy worrying about who exactly Sakura meant when she said "we" to actually respond.

* * *

 **An Island (Possibly Great Britain)**

"How curious. The longer I hold this form the more I am intrigued," a claw tipped finger tapped a bloody chin, "Intrigued and convinced that I have finally found it."

The figure stood, white hair and blood red eyes standing out in the dim light.

"This form and the rumors around it are so different. So interesting. And best of all…"

The man stared up at the massive full moon, spreading his arms wide.

"This wasn't supposed to happen! This wasn't predicted. I know not how this might end."

He laughed long and loud, mouth stretching wide revealing an impossible number of fangs.

"What a beautiful stage! What a beautiful play!"

* * *

 **Actual Author's Musings:**

Lo and Behold I have returned to you at the turn of the tide... Or rather when I finally got off my butt and wrote this chapter. There are a few things to cover, but first credit where credit is due.

Gradient Parallel, the magecraft used by Archer towards the beginning of the chapter, was created by the author Third Fang. I asked if I could use it in my story and he said yes. I highly recommend you check out his stories (there are only 5 of them, but they are all massive collections of distilled awesome). He is on my favorite author page if you need a quick link. I especially recommend his Fate/Stay Night work: From Fake Dreams. Really blows mine out of the water and is full of awesomeness such as Gradient Parallel. A big thank you to Third Fang for letting me use his stuff.

Next are a few comments on the story as a whole. Yes I was gone for a while. Now I am back. As I mentioned last chapter I participated in National Novel Writing Month this last November. As it turns out I CAN write 50,000 words in a month (barely), but then I'm burned out for basically a whole month and the holidays certainly didn't help. So the new year came around and I finally got this done for all of you. We are now back to my usual unpredictability as far as updates. There shouldn't be another gap as large as this one.

I will also finish this story. Period. Even if it takes a while. I have seen enough dropped stories to know how that feels. It helps that there isn't too much left to cover based on my plans.

I feel like I had something else to mention, but I can't for the life of me remember... I'll just wrap this up and post late at night/morning like usual.

I also played A Hat in Time and Hollow Knight. Easily two of my favorite games from 2017. Go check them out.

\- E. Muse


	11. Chapter 11: Contact

**Author's Musings:**

This chapter fought me far more than any of the previous ones and I am not sure why. I'm still not perfectly happy with it (then again I rarely am with my writing) but you all deserve another chapter anyway. It has been much too long in my opinion. Luckily, with the conclusion of this section we are entering the end game of this fic that grew out of control from such a silly idea. Let's see how long it takes me to finish...

As I have noted before I will tweak things from the Nasuverse to fit my story and what I want to happen. This will likely be more true than usual for a certain individual who is going to visit London. I hope my explanations in story make sense for why things are a bit different from what I know about his canon self. I tried to keep the spirit of the individual and his powers the same while bending them enough to fit what I needed. Hopefully I don't offend anyone (smiles and gives a thumbs up).

As always this is both a fun pastime and a way to improve my writing. Let me know what works and what doesn't and if you particularly enjoyed / hated a section (please mention why).

Enjoy!

 **Abbr. Disc.**

I don't own the Nasuverse, etc. etc.

* * *

 **An Alternate Universe: Einzbern Forest**

Two sets of footsteps echoed softly through the night, each step crunched distinctly on the path winding its way through the woods. Shirou knew there was a third pair of feet, likely shadowing his companion as usual, but he couldn't see them. He seemed to be the only one of his recent companions that lacked the ability to see servants while they were invisible.

It was disheartening and yet at the same time invigorating.

The Grail war threatened Fuyuki city and all of its inhabitants, practically crying out to the universe for a hero to arrive. It was the perfect opportunity to be that hero. To take steps towards his dream and start saving people. Even if it was only one life, that would be a start. Shirou was ready and prepared to act…

but everything was so out of scale.

All of the other participants in the conflict stood far above his admittedly meager abilities. Rin… Ruby had been quite clear about where he stood as a magus in terms of skill. At least she had opened his magic circuits and given him some pointers along with everything else she had done...

Shirou suppressed a shiver and forced his thoughts onward, making sure not to jostle what he was holding too much.

It was clear that he could not greatly contribute to his companion's efforts in the war based on what they were up against. It rankled. Shirou wished to help and it was, as mentioned, disheartening that he could not. However, the existence of Baker and Archer gave him hope. They were him, or possible versions of him, and they had the power to act. Their appearance had fully reinforced his desire and determination to become a hero. He had evidence. He would be a hero. He just had to start somewhere and his part in tonight's events was as good a place as any.

That might be why he had leapt so eagerly into Ruby's plan.

Shirou knew he was weak, but he wouldn't always be. He would push past his current feelings of inadequacy and move onwards towards his future. First things first, finish his assigned task. He wasn't supposed to fight. He could do it.

That said…

Why did he feel like Ruby was still punishing him. He was eager to help sure, but this particular job seemed… well… the words dangerous and absurd didn't really do it justice. He trusted the older Rin, but he still had doubts. They were simply buried beneath other concerns and raw determination.

Shirou sighed at his own muddled thoughts. Why couldn't things be simpler?

"Something the matter Shirou?" asked Shirou's companion and he looked over to regard her. Sakura, or Amethyst rather, was another source of recent confusion. The woman wore a slight smile, clearly enjoying the silent walk and calm darkness.

"Just trying to wrap my head around everything I guess," he responded honestly, even if it was vague.

"You're not worried about what we're here for?" she gestured at the trees surrounding them as they continued to walk, "It _is_ about your sister after all."

"Yeah sisters are definitely a part of it," he scratched his head during the understatement. So many family based revelations had come to light recently, "then there are some other things like who is keeping my sister company," Shirou figured it was natural to worry about Berserker, based on what he had been told about the servant.

"Ah, but that second part is why I am here. Remember?"

* * *

" _Oh! I'll go with Shirou to talk to his sister!" Amethyst gleefully volunteered as Ruby started outlining the first of the night's two tasks._

" _Not to doubt your strength, based on what you said you did for Sakura, but can you handle Berserker and protect Shirou if it becomes a problem?" asked Rin, trying to hide her concern for Shirou while totally doubting Amethyst's strength._

" _I wouldn't worry about it," laughed Baker, "she and Rider will be more than enough protection. Remember what I said earlier? Living Holy Grail. She's totally broken."_

" _Yep," the woman in question agreed, "I can handle Berserker just fine. I could probably handle most servants without much problem. Even Gilga…"_

" _Dibs," interrupted Baker. Amethyst and Ruby sighed._

" _Yes we know," the two answered in long suffering unison._

" _Did I miss something?" Rin voiced her confusion aloud while Archer and Shirou stayed silent._

" _No. This idiot," Ruby gestured to the chef servant, "said that if, through any of the weirdness that surrounds him, Gilgamesh showed up again, he would get to fight him. Somehow I doubt this is what he thought might happen. Crazy fool."_

" _Now Ruby," Amethyst smiled, "you can't sound so disdainful of the subject. As I recall you countered his declaration by calling dibs on Caster if she showed up."_

" _We aren't talking about that bi… witch right now," glared Ruby. The two aged sisters entered a brief staring contest._

" _So yes," Baker ignored the two women and addressed the rest of the group, "Amethyst can handle keeping Shirou safe. Even from Berserker."_

* * *

Yeah, Shirou remembered. Everything would work out. After all, it would be difficult to not trust a future version of himself or Rin. Although Archer did seem a little… standoffish.

It was probably nothing. Every Shirou Emiya wanted the same thing. To be a hero. Right?

Shirou shook his head, bringing his thoughts back to the task at hand.

"I'm glad you can handle whatever happens, I just hope it doesn't come to that. I want as few people as possible hurt during this whole war. The more I learn about it the more I want to make the whole thing just go away. Even if I always seem to benefit from it based on the futures I've heard about," the budding magus looked over at his companion, "but I still can't understand why someone would come up with this twisted idea."

"Power and knowledge," Amethyst's answer was near immediate and while her smile remained, a melancholy look had entered her eyes, "I have plenty of _personal_ experience with how far most Magi are willing to go for the sake of those two things."

"But Rin and my father…"

"Are not most Magi," the melancholy mood flashed dark for a moment, "Honestly, I would be perfectly content to remove the entirety of the Clocktower and its Magi from existence, but my Rin and Shirou happen to like it there."

"Is it really that bad?" Shirou could feel the animosity radiating from his companion. It was a foreign feeling coming from someone with Sakura's face.

"Asks the one who was just complaining about the Holy Grail War," the tension faded slightly, "I have seen things worse and I have seen things better than this particular abomination. Suffice it to say that Magi as a whole are not a moral group and value results above _anything_ else," Shirou shuddered at the chilling emphasis placed on the woman's second to last word.

"Sounds like someone should keep an eye on them," Shirou mentally replaced 'someone' with 'I', "and keep things in check."

"That would be difficult to do without getting deeply involved with the Clocktower itself. A degree of influence from a position of power…" Amethyst trailed off and hmmmed, "a position of power…" she gasped in realization, "like a chef! You never get rid of the guy who makes the food! I can't believe I didn't see it before. That's what my Shirou did to keep an eye on the Clocktower," Shirou quickly caught on and liked the sound of the idea. Amethyst shook her head, "and we never give him credit for thinking ahead. Who would have thought he planned something like this."

"Do you think I could do something similar?" Shirou saw the future unfolding before him. Saving others by keeping the Magi in check. A cook by day, a hero by night. It was an attractive image. Amethyst laughed, her expression bright.

"Planning how to be a hero Shirou?" she giggled again, "what a fun rhyme."

"Of course," Shirou blushed, he always got mixed reactions from his dream, "I know what I want to do with my life."

"I know all about it Shirou. I married you didn't I? Wait," Amethyst frowned briefly, "Was that one of those things Ruby didn't want me to mention because it might give people bad ideas?" She looked over at the momentarily stunned Shirou, "what do you think?"

"I… So..." Shirou didn't know what to say, so his mouth decided for him based on some other information that Ruby hadn't wanted him to have, "You're the Queen of England?!" Amethyst blushed.

"Well… One of a few," the woman turned to empty air and Shirou assumed she was sharing a look with Rider, "we had to change the rules around a little bit," she tapped her index fingers together, face reddening, "but all the trouble was worth it, especially since we can have our Shirou back now."

"..." Shirou didn't just not know what to say. He was speechless. This seemed to upset Amethyst somewhat.

"You of all people shouldn't be giving me that look. I know I've broken my fair share of universal rules, even multiversal rules, but you are the original Mr. Bullshit. You are the catalyst for all of it!" she crossed her arms and quickened her pace, gaining a bit of ground on the confused red head.

Shirou was unsure about what had just happened and didn't know what he had said to cause such a reaction. Luckily a memory that was Shirou Emiya's, but not his, rose to the surface in time to give him a solution.

Apologize.

Even if he had no idea why.

That was the best solution according to the accumulated knowledge of Baker, with some side input from the Archer that Baker had originally fought. Shirou quickened his pace and caught up with his irate companion.

"Amethyst," he began, being sure to put just the right amount of contriteness into his tone as instructed by 'his' memories. He had a script to follow, "I'm sorry I upset you, but I'm a Shirou and that means I'm prone to sudden bouts of obliviousness and insensitivity. Could you please forgive me?"

"What do you think?" the woman looked away and seemed to be having a silent conversation of head and hand movements with someone. Shirou once again cursed his inability to see astralized servants.

"I suppose," Amethyst finally concluded her nonverbal discussion and finally turned to regard the male offender, "We've decided that you can't be held accountable for being a Shirou… and also that a younger Senpai is too adorable to stay mad at," she tapped the stunned teen lightly on the nose, "so no need to discuss this further. Besides, Ruby will be mad enough as is," she sighed, "To answer your earlier question. I do think you could do something similar to what Baker accomplished, but why are you fixated on that right now?"

Shirou followed Amethyst's lead and dropped the dangerous subject in favor of something safer.

"I… just wish I could do more. Right now I'm depending on everyone else when I really want to help. You, Baker, and everyone are protecting me and planning to fight," he clenched a fist, "I need to get stronger."

Shirou knew that his strength had grown considerably in just the previous day. New memories and awakened magic circuits boosted his meager capabilities a great deal, but the rate was too slow. He wouldn't be able to make a difference at this rate.

"I know what you are thinking Shirou, but you will have more than enough time to grow stronger and become a hero. Besides, our errand tonight depends upon you. You're the one with the best chance at getting Illya to stop and listen long enough to put our plan into action," Amethyst glanced at the bundle in Shirou's arms, "I'd say that's helping. Isn't it?"

"Yes, but about the plan…" a raised hand and serious face silenced him.

"Hold your complaints, we are about to have company," Amethyst scanned the surrounding woods with her eyes.

"Already?!" Shirou wasn't sure if he was prepared for the encounter to come, "I thought Illya would be letting us come to her?" at least that had been the assumption based on what was known of the proud Einzbern master. It was unusual for her to leave her castle sanctuary.

"Yes, but I can sense them coming closer. A powerful pair to be sure," she flashed an encouraging grin to Shirou, "just stick to the plan and everything will be fine."

The red haired magus swallowed nervously. He still had his doubts about what he was supposed to do, but he couldn't turn back now. Peering ahead through the night all he could see were the slowly swaying trees that lined the path. The wind itself wound through the forest, carrying a light fog along with its gentle sound. Shirou did not sense anything out of place, but he also did not doubt the accuracy of Amethyst's senses.

"- **-** ======" a rising tone rumbled through the air and Shirou felt a chill run down his spine. Some primeval part of his brain gibbered in terror and made it clear that he should not stick around to see what had made the noise. The stupidly brave part of his mind quickly overrode that impulse, but left him distinctly uncomfortable and alert.

"Any second now," commented an unconcerned Amethyst.

" **-=====** -" The roar peaked as something arced over the forest and slammed down in front of Shirou and Amethyst, throwing up a massive explosion of dust. From within the cloud came an exhalation that sounded more akin to venting steam than simple breath. A constant rumble permeated the area, sending slight tremors through the air. The low growl was like the engine of a large machine running in the background and held steady as the dust settled, revealing the new arrivals.

Shirou's first impression of Berserker was another instance of instinctual terror. A brief glimpse of a baleful red eye froze his muscles and scrambled his mind. As his brain rebooted, Shirou took in the rest of the colossal figure before him. An ebony giant, clad only in a plated kilt of dark colors, stood implacable in a crater of its own making. A wild array of pitch black hair sprouted back from face that appeared more stone than flesh. Gripped in one hand was a massive slab of dark material chipped to an edge on one side to create a rough mismatch of sword and axe. In the other hand was….

Compared to the sheer size of Berserker, the figure cradled in the servant's other arm was small, dainty even. Against the rough and unhewn image of Berserker Illyasviel Von Einzbern was elegant and refined. A simple, smooth movement served to transfer the tiny magus to the ground where the top of her head did not even reach the waist of her servant. Immaculate white hair flowed flowed around her head and framed crimson eyes.

Eyes set firmly on Shirou.

Shirou gulped.

Amethyst and the invisible Rider waited.

Berserker intimidated.

Illya calmly brushed some remaining debris from her purple coat and straightened the white scarf around her neck. Every gesture was dismissive, yet her unreadable gaze bore straight through its target with undeniable interest.

Taking the lack of cataclysmic destruction as a good sign, Shirou mustered his courage and took a shaky step forward as his muscles unlocked. He began to unwrap the package in his arms, speaking as he did so.

"H-hello I-Illya," he managed before swallowing. He thought back to Archer's reassurances.

* * *

" _Trust me," Archer's face shifted to the only expression that seemed to belong there, a smirk, "it will work."_

" _Ok," grinned Ruby, "So Shirou's presence will cause Illya to hesitate, and in that pause he can spring our trap."_

" _Still…" Archer scoffed at Rin's doubt. She was being quite disagreeable to plans made by her supposed older self._

" _If there is anything that was the same in every Illya I ever met," intoned Archer, "It's that they can't resist…"_

* * *

Shirou really hoped this worked.

"Would you like some scones?" he asked.

* * *

" _...Breakfast."_

* * *

 **An Alternate Universe: Base of Mt. Enzou, Path to Ryuudou Temple**

"And you are sure they will be ok?" Rin continued hounding the same subject. Something she hadn't let drop since leaving the Emiya household. Archer, Baker, and even Ruby were getting a little tired of it. Apparently being surrounded by people who already knew pretty much everything about her loosened Rin's tongue and got rid of much of her embarrassment. Or she had decided that she didn't care what they thought of her.

It was hard to tell.

"Would you give a rest? I don't think I was ever this sappy," Ruby snipped, showcasing the other side of every Rin's personality. Baker sighed. Living with one version of Rin was hard enough, but hearing her in stereo would never not be weird.

It was also highly disconcerting.

The chef servant had already jumped a few times due to simultaneous calls for 'Shirou' from different directions. Terrifying really. He pitied the poor Shirou of this world. He had been exposed to the wrath of an elder Rin at such an early age. The only saving grace was that at least the two Rins weren't becoming overly friendly. The sheer horror of such a possibility prevented further thought on the matter. He supposed that their butting heads was only to be expected considering their personality. Or would it be personalities? Even with separate names the whole duplicate issue could be confusing.

"I still think it would have been safer if Baker had gone with them too," though Ruby did have a point that Rin wasn't usually so openly concerned about things. Maybe something was different in this world?

He could worry about that later.

"Rin, this is the safest group set-up. I might be the best chef of the group, but Sak - Amethyst is by far the strongest fighter. Plus Shirou can use a command seal to get me there in an instant if they need it," Baker explained everything again.

"Plus you can be with both groups and have your best shot at Gil right?" Ruby interjected.

"Hey, unlike Caster, I don't know exactly where he is going to be. I'm just looking out for my interests. It just so happens that what is best for the group is also best for me. A win-win," Baker shrugged.

"A somewhat selfish Shirou," Archer shook his head, "you never cease to amaze me, but we have talked about everything except what we are doing tonight," the rest of the group turned to the servant in red, surprised to hear so many words out of his mouth, "You went into great detail about who our enemies are and what they can do, but skipped over our own strategies. How do you intend to deal with Caster, her master, and the assassin she has summoned? The temple is not an easy place to assault." a bit of an understatement, but true nonetheless. A naturally occuring barrier surrounded the temple and prevented some entities, such as servants, from entering the premises from anywhere but the main gate.

"You almost sound concerned," Baker recovered from the shock of a talkative Archer and donned a smirk, a common expression for many experienced Shirous, "whatever happened to not caring about this world?" Archer looked away, "perhaps you aren't so above it all?" the chef stepped closer to his counterpart and leaned in conspiratorially, "but who would be deserving of such attention from a jaded individual like yourself?"

"Oh give it a rest, it always feels weird when a Shirou is the one trying to ruthlessly tease someone," Ruby spared a glance over her shoulder.

"But my target is a Shirou," whined Baker, "surely that has to count for something?"

"Not really. Besides it's obvious what his stake in the war is," the elder Tohsaka turned to her counterpart as they continued walking ahead of the two servants, "right Rin?"

"Huh?" the teen in question audibly expressed her confusion before suddenly blushing. Apparently realization had dawned. Ruby smiled and put a hand against her cheek.

"I forgot how cute I look when I'm confused and embarrassed, but really Rin you should remember that acting like we know what's going on is important for our image."

"Not that this isn't entertaining," deadpanned Archer, leaning away from Baker, "but could you answer my question instead of getting distracted? We are running out of time."

And, Baker noticed, the group was indeed running out of time. Not far up the street, illuminated by one of the sparse street lights, lay the bottom of the long stairs ascending to the temple. They would reach it in short order.

"That's the second time you've interrupted my amusement so callously Archer," Ruby's eyes glinted dangerously for a moment, something odd swimming behind them as she regarded the servant in red, "but you do have a point," she smiled and her strange demeanor vanished beneath the pleasant expression, "the reason I explained all about who Caster is, but was light on the details of how she can be beaten is that I will be handling her personally and with an unhealthy amount of satisfaction."

"I can see why Medea would inspire such feelings," Archer said agreeably, thinking back on his own interactions with the Witch of Betrayal, "but what about the other two?"

Ruby stopped walking and turned to face the rest of the group. Behind her rose Mount Enzou and the wide staircase leading to the lone entrance to Ryuudou Temple. The moon, perfectly positioned, hovered even higher above, giving Ruby's black (there was no gray!) hair a silver sheen as a gentle wind lifted the shining strands. The sight was rather dramatic and ethereal.

Baker felt a familiar feeling of nostalgia. Things like this might seem like coincidence, but he knew that Ruby's 'supernatural' sense of timing actually took quite a bit of effort. All the little signs of things just 'working out' for her, such as well timed breezes or glints of light, reflected on how skilled she had become. He didn't bother trying to puzzle out just why she was going to such lengths at the moment. Afterall, looking good was one of her favorite pastimes.

"Caster's master will be dealt with by Baker and Rin in whatever way they deem fit, though I expect some restraint as he is your school teacher," decreed Ruby from her haloed position.

"My what!?" Rin exclaimed, "this is getting ridiculous!"

Ruby tilted her head and the ethereal effect broke.

"I swear I mentioned that to you already," the elder magus frowned, "but yes, Souichirou Kuzuki is Caster's master, and yes he is as skilled as I mentioned in the briefing. Don't let your preconceptions fool you."

"Okay," Rin held her head in one hand, "I'm going to ask again. Are there any other surprises you want…" the teen paused and her eyes narrowed, "no. This isn't about what you _want_ to tell me it's about what I _need_ to know. Are there any other surprises at all?"

Ruby laughed.

"Based on how things are going so far, do you think I would tell you if there were?" the elder Tohsaka was enjoying herself far too much.

"Why you… me…" growled Rin as she struggled between being annoyed and understanding just how much fun it would be to hold something like this over her own head.

"Moving on," breezed Ruby before Archer interrupted.

"Yes, let's move on to where I am obviously left to deal with Assassin," the red clad servant held a level gaze on Ruby, "my track record with him is not ideal."

"Don't be so pessimistic," said Baker, "you are far stronger than the Archer I remember. You'll be able to put up a great fight for Assassin."

"And just why," Rin rejoined the conversation, anger still clear in her words, "are you more concerned with a 'good fight' than simply winning?"

"I know it might be hard to believe, but Shirou actually has a good point in this case," Ruby said before raising her voice and letting it carry further than their group, "because Assassin happens to hate Caster like I do and just might let a few people 'slip by' if he's occupied by another, highly skilled, opponent."

A calm voice holding the barest hint of mockery answered from behind Ruby.

"That's very astute of you outsider."

Space rippled above the mid-way landing of the temple stairs and the speaker stepped forward from nothingness. He was a samurai swordsman dressed in a light purple kimono and hakama with matching tabi covering his feet. Indigo hair draped down his back in a long ponytail that brushed against the sheath of the long nodachi held casually in one hand. Eyes the same shade as his hair regarded the group of four with interest and a trace of amusement.

"Outsider?" questioned Ruby as she turned towards the newcomer, unsurprised by his appearance.

"Indeed, this one can tell that your nature differs from those who belong here, both like and unlike I, and so you are named outsider," the swordsman rested his unnaturally long blade across a shoulder, "It is puzzling and your conversation has been most fascinating. You keep hinting at such interesting things. I am terribly intrigued, but I do not think this is the time for such frivolities."

"Oh," Ruby raised a single eyebrow, "do you also have something that needs doing?"

"Not precisely, however I will not pass up a moment of fortune when it is offered to me. I have no wish to tarry here under the command of one such as my," Assassin paused and poured a great deal of spite into his next word, " _master_. Thus I believe I shall become occupied with the _one_ intruder who has appeared tonight and if more should arrive, well.." his mouth twitched and his tone grew full of mockery, "I'm sure the witch is on her toes."

"You heard the man," grinned Ruby as she stepped back to Archer's side. The servant of the bow did not seem pleased at the proceedings.

Ruby gave him a hard look.

"Very well," the counter guardian reluctantly acquiesced as two familiar swords formed in his grasp.

"That's the spirit!" cheered Ruby as she patted Archer on the back. A brief flash of fragmenting color went unnoticed by all, but the eldest Emiya felt it.

"For when you need it," was all the explanation that Ruby whispered into his ear before she began to lead Baker and Rin up the steps and beyond Assassin.

"Now come warrior!" challenged the guardian of the temple stairs as his feet slide into a ready stance and his sword swept to the side, "you face Sasaki Kojirou, wielder of Monohoshi Zao. Let your swords speak to mine!"

* * *

The sound of clashing metal reached the three people still ascending towards the solitary gateway into Ryuudou Temple, but they continued onward even as Rin took a worried look backwards.

"Don't worry. If he fights like he did with me then he will be fine," assured Baker. Rin nodded tightly and changed the subject.

"I know this probably isn't the best time to ask this," the pair topped the temple stairs behind Ruby and passed through the single opening in the wall, "considering we are about to end up fighting, but I've been wondering and I have to know…"

"Yes?" Baker prompted. Ruby had stopped a few paces ahead and was looking around the empty temple grounds.

"It's just… you and Ruby," Rin shuffled her feet, obviously nervous, "seem inconsistent. I can't seem to get a read on you at all and the way you act and talk sometimes shift."

"Mmmhmmm," agreed the servant, now also gazing across the strangely deserted courtyard.

"It's not that I don't trust you. I can tell that Ruby is me, but she's made some concerning comments about sanity and even though there has been jokes about it..."

"Ah, you're worried we are insane? And how that might affect you?" confirmed Baker as he watched Ruby begin tapping her foot impatiently.

"Something like that," Rin kept her voice steady. It was logical to worry about the mental state of your possible future. Right?

"Well you are completely correct of course," the chef servant actually turned and smiled brightly at the young magus. It was a gesture horribly out of place for where they were and it was accompanied by a lingering silence broken only by the distant ringing of steel.

Rin swallowed heavily. She had been hoping for an answer that made her feel better.

"Oh don't be like that," Baker's voice was comforting, "people often think madness is worse than it is, and it comes in so many varieties. In our case, and Amethyst's as well, it is a matter of the power we wield. Magecraft is built around self delusion and to use certain powers a certain detachment from reason is necessary. Depending on how you develop, you will run into a similar issue. As an example and a bit of a special case, for myself and your Shirou it's our 'peculiarities' that give us access to our specific power in the first place."

Ruby crossed her arms and began tapping a single finger against her sleeve.

"I see," Rin's mind shifted towards the academic, nerves easing at the explanation. It seemed she would have time to address her worries in the future, "that does make sense and explains a lot. But why do I only see hints of this when both of you are so powerful? Wouldn't that indicate a further detachment from reality?"

"Well," Baker rubbed the back of his head in a familiar gesture, "we haven't really touched on my issues and I can put up a good front of normality most of the time."

"And Ruby?" demanded Rin, she had come this far. No sense if not finding out the rest.

"She's…"

Baker was interrupted by a giggle.

Two figures had exited the main temple building and stood across the open space. One was the dark robed figure of Caster and the other was the suit clad Souichirou Kuzuki from Rin's school.

Ruby giggled again. A breeze stirred.

"She tends to bottle that sort of thing up," Baker put an arm in front of Rin, "and then sometimes, purposeful or not…"

Ruby began to glow. An aura of indecipherable color swam up from under her skin, lifting her hair and making her clothes flutter. The ground, the air, and the world itself seemed to grow taught. It was the breath before the bellow, the trembling of string stretched too tight, the final moment of suspense before a fall.

"Found you," the Sorceress of the Second Magic whispered.

The tension vanished under a wave of force and power. The sound of shattering glass echoed inside of Rin's mind, but did not reach her ears. On the edge of all senses came the grating feeling of something broken and rent. Rin could feel the intangible edges of something smashed into pieces all around her.

Ruby began to laugh.

"...she snaps."

* * *

 **Alternate Universe: Fuyuki Church**

Kotomine Kirei turned away from the small familiar as it hovered above him and regarded the shadowed rear of his church.

"It seems," he said to no one in particular while straightening his cassock, "that someone who knows more than they should is meeting with the lesser grail."

Though no response came, two figures shifted in the shrouded pews revealing a hint of blue and a glint of gold.

"It would be tragic to break up such a touching reunion I'm sure," the priest mused aloud.

This time a voice answered him, fraught with arrogance.

"Ah, but even so," another shift in the shadows, "I won't allow _mongrels_ to touch what is _mine_."

* * *

 **London: ?**

"My oh my, how time doth fly."

Power flowed and gathered around a stilted form. The setting sun, shining from beyond a window pane, cast a twisted shadow against the wall.

"Tonight tonight, I go out for a bite."

* * *

 **Omake (A canon one this time): Yet Another Family Reunion**

A chime echoed through empty halls.

It was an unusual event for anyone who did not live there to show up at the Matou household. Interlocking layers of bounded fields kept away uninvited guests or set off alarms if someone managed to bypass them. Beyond the mystical, a simple wall and gate also dissuaded casual approach to the large house, borderline mansion. To most, the place was simply part of the scenery. A background piece rather than a location that could actually be visited.

Today, two more facts made the fading sound especially unusual.

One, the sun had not yet risen into the sky. A strange hour for visitors to be sure. And…

Two, there was no doorbell at the Matou household.

Zouken Matou frowned. He didn't sense any danger and was not concerned for himself. The number of things that could inflict any kind of permanent harm to him was pitifully small, so personal risk was almost non-existent, but…

He hadn't made it this far by being incautious. No sense in being foolhardy.

Besides, even if _he_ couldn't be harmed he did feel some concern for other _projects_ in the house. _They_ could be damaged and that would waste years of work. Zouken would have prefered to ignore the intrusion and let the more active defenses of the house handle any issues, but prudence and curiosity demanded he at least gather more information.

With a thought his view shifted from the collection of flesh that served as his primary "body" to one of the numerous worm familiars situated around the property. This one had a view of the front door of the house and the surrounding lawn. With a little focus the ancient worm magus spotted a figure standing immobile at the door in the early morning darkness. It appeared to be female, but for some reason all of the details were enshrouded in shadow. An impossibility as Zouken's worms were built to be perfect for their tasks. The ones on watch did not have faulty vision and could even see on the blackest of nights.

Zouken's curiosity grew along with his concern as he recentered on his "body".

Well, enough beating around the bush. There was one easy solution. Aside from himself and the _project_ there was one other individual in the house. And he was mostly expendable.

"Shinji!" Zouken rasped loudly as he stalked into the hall. The boy was likely awake as well, it was just a matter of finding him. A brief clatter sounded from down the hall before a head of blue hair poked out of the room he kept _her_ in. At least the circuitless lout took that particular duty seriously. Now if only something could be done about that unruly, mop-like mess Shinji insisted on calling hair.

"Here father!" the boy called in just the right mixture of arrogance and deference that it failed to be either. He just ended up sounding annoying.

"See who's at the door," the head of the Matous commanded, shuffling in the direction of the door himself. He could get a view and make his own assumptions as Shinji did the actual work.

"Of course," came the answer before Shinji temporarily disappeared from the doorway, "Rider, stay here with her. We don't need any guests catching sight of such things,"

Zouken snorted to himself. Give an incompetent a little power and it would go straight to their head. Still, having a disposable master to protect the girl until she was needed was useful. The old magus leaned heavily on his cane and let the rapid steps of his 'grandson' pass by. He watched carefully from the shadows as Shinji shrugged a jacket over his shoulders and wrenched open the front door. The boy didn't even look at the figure on the doorstep before speaking.

"Who is it?" his tone was dismissive, "it's early and…" Shinji trailed off as he caught sight of the woman in front of him.

Braided violet hair fell to her waist where it was tied off with a pink ribbon and rested against her skirt of matching color. A loose white blouse hinted at curves in all the right places and seemed to shine in the surrounding darkness. Amethyst eyes twinkled above a daintily smiling mouth.

Shinji immediately changed his tune.

"Although I don't mind if its you," Shinji's gaze turned lecherous and angled in certain directions as he leaned against the doorframe, oblivious to the deepening dark behind the woman.

"Now Shinji," her voice was gently chiding and felt so familiar to the blue haired boy, "it's inappropriate to have such thoughts about your sister," her eyes shut. Her smile grew. Her head tilted to the side.

"W-what," Shinji's mind raced and he finally noticed just how much like Sakura this stranger looked.

"But then again…" the woman's eyes flew open, now deep red, while her hair slowly bleached white. Black bled down the blouse, interspaced with lines of red, and continued on past the skirt until the Sakura look-a-like was wearing a long dress split into several strips at the bottom. Her gaze pinned Shinji in place, "you would."

Zouken could feel the intent to kill from his position further back and started to step away, but was stopped by an overwhelming pressure. Something unnatural pinned him in place as a wave of shadow flowed into the house, dragging everything into darkness.

The ancient worm magus fled his container, launching his consciousness elsewhere. He heaved a sigh of relief as his body was consumed. He was safe.

Or so he thought… until he felt it.

The darkness wasn't just in his body or one worm, it was spreading! Tracing its way along the connections of his worms and soul! He had to act quickly! Cut the channels! Spread out! Divi…

 **Darkness**

 **...**


	12. Chapter 12: Complications

**Author's Musings**

Today's date of 9/24/18 marks about 7 months since I last updated this story. How time doth fly! But like the cat... I came back (just not the very next day).

I'll admit I still feel somewhat hesitant about this chapter. This is the first time I am using Nasuverse material that I am not very well informed about and the internet only goes so far. I hope people enjoy my interpretations of things and don't feel that I have misrepresented anything. Yada yada usual stuff about my knowledge of the works.

As far as future updates go, I am trying to restart my writing habits. We will see how it goes. Maybe if I write more shorter chapters it will be easier? But that is my problem... go read the chapter!

Did you like something? Tell me! Hate something? Tell me!

 **Disclaimer:**

I own things, just not what I am writing about in this story.

* * *

 **The City of London:**

"I think that went well," offered Sakura, not reacting in the slightest as Rider materialized next to her in a purple accented suit, already in step with the rest of the quintet.

"Shouldn't we be worried about someone seeing that?" Shirou nervously looked at the pedestrians on the street. There was a surprising number of people about for such a late hour, when the sun had already set, and this section of London did not have a distinct nightlife. The lack of reactions, both from his companions and all the bystanders, answered his question, so Shirou found himself ignored. A not unusual event in his life these days. He sighed.

"It certainly beat having to deal with those two for another evening," Rin's tone was light, joking even, but everyone present knew better than to comment. The black haired woman had been growing increasingly irate, and unhinged, as lessons with Zelretch and Luvia wore on.

"Are you certain it is acceptable to skip such engagements?" asked Saber, skirting the edge of the topic despite the risks, "it would not do to endanger your education in the arcane."

"It. will. be. _fine_ ," a stern glare accompanied the clipped response, "besides," Rin's voice lifted, "this way I get to see history in the making."

"I still can't believe this is actually happening," murmured Shirou so quietly that he almost couldn't hear himself.

"You still doubt the efficacy of my plan?" Saber's wayward strand of hair twitched indignantly. Shirou mentally cursed servant super hearing. At least she couldn't read his mind… he didn't think she could at any rate.

"I think it is more disbelief than doubt at this point Saber," calmed Sakura, "I can only imagine how he would be reacting if they had offered more," she giggled and Saber's mouth quirked upwards on one side in a minute gesture of amusement, "even this much is a fantastic political move. No overt changes within the overall structure of the main royal line and Shirou's popularity is effectively merged with theirs," the woman shrugged, "he was already knighted and at least known to society at large, this is just more official. The only way it actually changes anything important is if something were to happen to the entire royal family, which is unlikely considering how spread out they are."

"It is impressive isn't it? A remarkably adroit move," the King of Knights allowed, "but adoption is still only the first step. Next we must endeavor to raise his standing such that the order of succession is changed. Though I have often seen less admirable methods to such ends, we shall avoid such dishonorable tactics," she clenched a fist in determination, "more scones will be required and, as always, I shall ensure their quality."

"Your drooling Saber," deadpanned Rin, shaking her head as her servant wiped her mouth discretely, "really Shirou, being rush adopted as the youngest member of the royal family doesn't rank all that high in my books as far as insanity goes. You should be used to absurd things happening around you by now, what with the company you regularly keep."

"Ah, but aren't you part of that company Sis?" Sakura asked innocently.

"W-What?" Rin's head spun to face her sister, "I am perfectly normal!" a small sound escaped from Rider's mouth.

"No need to laugh at her Rider, I'm sure she will come around eventually," Sakura's smirk ruined her chastisement.

"How is that laughing!?" Rin demanded of the two purple haired women, "she hardly made any noise!"

Shirou ignored the bickering sisters, turning to Saber instead.

"I know we will need more scones to keep on with your plan," the thought of baking never bothered him and, if he was honest, such a challenge excited him more than a little," but I can't help but be impressed with how much we have already made and distributed."

He gestured towards the small milling crowds.

"I can see some even now," and it was true. More than a few of the pedestrians were carrying scones partially wrapped in the blue and white paper Saber insisted on using.

Saber frowned.

"Shirou," she warned, her hand clenched at nothing, as if holding an invisible sword. Seeing the servant tense cued Shirou to scan their surroundings more closely, but he did not stop walking.

"What is it Saber?" he mentally prepared himself to manifest his weapons if needed, "what did you notice?"

"Well it's not my fault that you…." Rin trailed off in her continuing argument after catching on to the sudden seriousness of her companions.

"We were too busy to distribute any scones today Shirou," Saber's frown deepened, "and I have yet to hear of someone saving a fresh scone for another day."

"So someone is making fakes?" chuckled Rin, "ironic certainly, but I don't think you need to be so worried about it."

"Be on your guard Rin, I believe it is more than that," Saber warned before turning to her fellow servant, "Rider, I can almost sense something amiss. Do you feel anything?" the three magi strained their senses as well, Shirou reinforcing his body more than a little, but he still expected better results from the servants.

Rider shifted, swiveling her head to face every direction in turn, seemingly unimpeded by her ever present blindfold. A brief pause followed her observations and ended with a slight shake of her head.

"Peculiar," the blonde servant's eyes narrowed, "tell me, does it appear that there are more scones among the people than there were a moment ago?"

"Oh my," input Sakura, "I think I just saw one appear in someone's hand. And the crowd is thickening too."

"Something isn't…." began Rin as every person on the street other than Shirou and the two master/servant pairs abruptly stopped moving as if held in place by invisible binds. It wasn't a smooth motion either, all movement, and sound, ceased in a single instant, leaving more than a few individuals frozen in strange half actions. A man had a foot halfway off the ground, the woman opposite him was mid gesture with her arm flung wide and a phone against her ear. The eerie display stopped the whole group in their tracks, adding yet another strange pause to the scenery.

"...right," finished Rin, eyes wide and voice slowly fading. She took a step closer to Saber and Shirou with Sakura and Rider quickly doing the same.

There was a rustle of cloth and every head on the street spun to face directly at the group with blank expressions and vacant eyes. Without the bodies turning along with the heads the effect was… disconcerting to say the least.

"Shirou," four females turned their gaze to the accused.

He flinched under attention far scarier than the empty stares of nearly a hundred random individuals.

"S-shouldn't we be keeping an eye on our s-surroundings," Shirou suggested. He wouldn't dare _tell_ them what to do. Suggestions were much safer.

"What did you do?" Rin spoke what all four of Shirou's companions were thinking.

It wasn't so much a question as a demand.

"Why do you always assume that…"

"What. Did. You. Do."

"I don't know!"

With a faint pop Shirou vanished utterly and without a trace after his exclamation. Rin and her companions stared blankly at the empty pavement where Shirou had been standing/cowering. They all blinked.

He was still gone.

"What the…" muttered Rin.

"I would suspect that he does not know what is going on," commented Saber, spinning away from the mysterious disappearance to keep an eye on their audience. As she watched bodies began to angle in her direction, "although we may have additional difficulties in short order."

As if waiting for her to cue them, the slowly shifting crowd surged forward on shuffling feet. An ungainly tide of uncoordinated motion, silent but for the sounds of movement.

"I don't care if he doesn't know a thing," growled Rin as she allowed Saber to pick her up in a bridal carry. Looking over to the side she saw Rider hoisting Sakura in the same way. With a near synchronous leap the two servants carried their respective masters to the nearest rooftop and left the abnormal bystanders behind. Upon landing Rin finished her thought just as the sky washed red.

"I'm blaming him anyway."

* * *

 **#(D%I$)#LD:**

Shirou found himself cautiously examining his surroundings. The slight feeling of relief that came from escaping an irritated Rin did little to calm his own confusion and unease. He shivered, whatever was going on, there was no way Rin _wasn't_ going to blame him for this most recent bout of excitement. She had the worst habit of that. Shirou sighed and shook his head, only to stop mid motion as what he was seeing finally sunk in.

It did little to reassure him.

Mostly because it confused him to the Root and back.

The base of everything was black. Darkness stretched to the nonexistent horizon, infinite and unapproachable. Crimson curtains embroidered with gold hung suspended in the emptiness, forming the rough outline of a large room. Lit candles burned with light to illuminate the strange enclosure and push back the surrounding emptiness, but did nothing to the vast swaths of darkness between the sparse curtains. Something supported his feet, but he could not see what he stood upon as he looked around in wonder at the surreal "room" he now occupied.

As he gazed in awe another detail emerged. The darkness was not quite absolute beyond the light of flickering flames. Thin traceries of deep red wove through the air to form an endlessly branching network beyond the area encompassed by curtains.

It seemed familiar. Similar to something…

Calling prana to his eyes, Shirou focused on the mesh of crimson just in time for it to twitch violently. The whole array of lines convulsed as one, and then a second later did it again.

And again.

And again.

The air beyond the curtains and light pulsed in eerie rhythm. And then it clicked. The floating curtains were surrounded by a cage of veins. For an instant Shirou caught the metallic scent of blood and heard the rushing roar of a distant ocean. He had the intense impression of standing within a massive beating heart…

And then he stood among curtains floating in an empty night once more.

Shirou gulped and wondered if he should start panicking. Luckily, depending on one's point of view, he did not have to make that choice. Slow clapping sounded from behind a curtain, but did not carry far as it was swallowed up by the surroundings. A pair of slim hands, gloved in white and still clapping, emerged from one of the many curtains, soon followed by a pair of sleeves, and then shoulders, and so on until an unfamiliar man fully joined Shirou in the enclosure.

A wide, toothless smile adorned a pale face. Smooth blonde hair fell to the edge of a midnight blue mantle's raised collar. Crimson traced the edges of the mantle and provided definition from the barely lighter blue waistcoat beneath it. Traceries of gold wove around the buttons of the waistcoat and glimmered in the flickering candlelight. Wide white ruffles embellished the man's collar and wrists, giving off the air of a distinguished gentleman.

The man started at Shirou despite his eyes being serenely closed and stopped clapping, instead he spread his arms wide in a gesture of greeting. He even bowed slightly and spoke in a pleasant tone.

"Welcome, my friend, to the show that never ends," the man's mouth quirked and revealed a brief flash of white, "I'm so glad you could attend, come inside, come inside."

Inside where? Shirou pondered in a vain effort to push aside just how lost he was. They weren't anywhere as far as he could tell and they were already 'inside' some curtains.

"Ah. Not a fan I see, but I did always want to say that," The man chuckled and Shirou realized his confusion must have been easy to read, "but I must admit to being similarly addled," he held up one of his hands and examined it intently as if he had never seen it before. Shirou did not know how exactly one examined _anything_ with their eyes shut, but the gesture was unmistakable, "this should not have happened."

Well he knew one good place to start to clarify things. Shirou opened his mouth and asked, what was in his opinion, the best question.

"Who are you?"

* * *

 **London Rooftops:**

Four women, two of the modern era and two of ages long past, gazed up at the crimson sky distorted by incomprehensible currents carved into the air itself. Beneath them stood the city of London, unchanged in physical form, but dyed the color of drying blood by the sky.

"By the grinding gears of the Clocktower," growled Rin as she attempted to stare the abnormal sky into submission, "what the hell is going on?!"

"I do not know. I have never heard of such a thing…" Saber's voice contained a hint of awe buried beneath her worry.

"The air…" Sakura shivered in the chilled familiarity, "it feels wrong…. And Evil. Almost..." she looked down and Rider put a comforting arm across her shoulders as she forced out a final word, "cursed."

Rider, normally quiet and currently caring for Sakura... remained silent.

"Arrrgh," groaned Rin in frustration, cradling her head, "think Rin! Think! You have to know something about this…."

As Rin continued to mutter to herself Saber paced to the edge of their current perch, a rooftop several stories above the streets below. The situation at ground level was interesting to say the least and the Servant watched with a careful eye. Packs of stumbling civilians wandered the streets, often chasing terrified individuals. The word chaos did not seem inappropriate. Each of the shambling citizens clutched a single object in rigid hands.

Each clutched a single scone.

"It seems that a majority of the populace has been affected by these false scones," Saber cupped her chin with a hand and thought aloud, "perhaps some form of mind control?"

"But that was just a joke!" Rin cried in the background, overhearing her servant's musing.

"We cannot stand for this travesty," the King of Knights continued as if Rin hadn't spoken, "whoever is behind this must pay," shining armor with blue and white accompaniments covered Saber's form, "they make a mockery of Shirou's true baking!" she clenched an armored fist in determination and placed one foot atop the ledge surrounding the rooftop. A dramatic wind swept her hair back with suspicious timing.

Rin hung her head in defeat. Sakura smiled hesitantly, still looking distinctly uncomfortable, but struggling through. Rider slowly closed her eyes and held back a minuscule sigh.

"Uh, Saber?" ventured Sakura, "the citizens of London also seem to be in danger," a scream from below punctuated her statement, "we should help them as well."

"Indeed Sakura," Saber agreed readily without changing her dramatic stance, "we shall help them."

"Oh, good…" Sakura began.

"By removing this foul mockery of pastries at the source!" Two sisters and a servant actually let out simultaneous sighs this time as Saber raised her sword skyward. The gesture would have had more impact if the blade hadn't been invisible at the moment.

"Saber, I hate to do this but I think..." Rin trailed off as she heard a suspicious crunching noise from further back on the rooftop. She turned slowly, already certain of what she would see.

"Please, pretend like I'm not here," commented the Wizard Marshall Zelretch as he tossed another piece of popcorn into his mouth. It crunched obnoxiously, "although *crunch* I must suggest *crunch* you don't stop Saber right now. *swallow* She's on a roll! *crunch*" there were further crunches as he chewed. Rin raised a hand, index finger extended accusingly. She opened her mouth… then hesitated as her expression shifted from anger to annoyance.

"I would like to tell you to get lost…" Rin bit back several titles she could have used for her teacher, but she still wasn't comfortable calling Zelretch something like 'old man'. So she settled for just leaving a brief pause, "but you undoubtedly know what's going on. So," she jabbed her finger forward, "do your job as a teacher and explain this," a wide gesture to the crimson sky punctuated her request.

The other women paused their antics, heads turning to await whatever Zelretch might say in response.

"But Rin," the ancient mage sounded almost proud as he spread his hands wide, heedless of any and all falling popcorn, "you are such a dutiful student. You have already studied this, and recently too! You already know what is going on, you just haven't realized it because," if it was possible to look smug and sheepish at the same time, Zelretch managed it, "it's impossible."

He received four deadpan looks and silence broken only by the distant commotion from the streets below.

This still moment lasted until two aged hands came together in a resounding clap.

"But you all should be well used to that by now," ruby eyes held a knowing look, "right?"

The deadpan looks upgraded to deadpan glares.

"Merlin would have enjoyed your company," commented Saber.

"Thank you!" the vampire beamed.

"She wasn't complimenting you," Rin had heard numerous complaints about eccentric mages from her servant. It was oddly reminiscent of her own opinions concerning Zelretch…. Wait… similar to Zelretch...she frowned and her thoughts grew troubled. She pushed her anger and irritation to the side, trying to think clearly.

The Wizard Marshall sighed.

"Fine, fine. I'll take my fun elsewhere," he muttered, shoulders slumping, "should drop in on Herr Dreizehn while I'm at it. Even if he can't control it this is still _my_ city… for the most part," a swirling portal of kaleidoscopic color appeared on the rooftop and Zelretch stepped towards it, still grumbling.

"Wait!" Sakura called out, "you must be able to tell us something," the young woman stepped forward past the still form of Rin.

"No manners at all. No courtesy. No…." the sorcerer did not react in any noticeable way. He continued complaining until the portal vanished, cutting off his voice.

"What is going on…" Sakura's voice was nearly inaudible, but filled with concern, "Rin-"

Sakura froze at the sight of her sister. Rin's face was deathly pale, her body unnaturally still as she gazed up at the sky

"Oh no…." Rin's hands started to shake and her face paled further, "I know what's causing this. What Zelretch just said..." she trailed off, her breath fast and uneven as she clearly tried to control her emotions.

"Please. Calm yourself and explain Rin," urged Saber, leaning over the edge of the roof while using an invisible object for balance, "something has changed again. The people are moving with a more distinct purpose."

Sakura stepped closer to her sister, hesitant to be as direct as the Servant of the Sword, but still determined to find the answers they needed.

"We will find a way to deal with it Rin, but we first need to know what it is," a supportive hand found its way to Rin's shoulder, "take a deep breath and start with the basics."

It took a moment, but the raven haired magus followed her sister's advice and eventually regained a semblance of composure by forcing her fear into a corner of her mind. Though the occasional tremor still passed through her frame.

"Zel said it was something I studied recently, and other than the Kaleidoscope that's not much. Since this definitely isn't the Second True Magic…." she shook her head, "He also mentioned a 'he' and named that person as 'Mr. Thirteen'," Rin set her mouth in a grim line, "There are only so many things that could be referring too."

"You don't mean…" Sakura trailed off, unwilling to finish the thought.

"Another Revenant? A vampire like himself?" questioned Saber, frowning slightly, "that is disconcerting. He is… uniquely powerful."

"No need to be diplomatic Saber," Rin violently shook her head in an attempt to cast off her remaining fear, "Zelretch would be able to destroy all of us, maybe even you, without much effort. Even if he is supposed to be weaker in this day and age. Our main concern should be how to deal with his fellow Apostle Ancestor."

"Shouldn't we be more concerned with finding Shirou and running away rather than fighting?" Sakura fidgeted, "as strong as we are I don't think we should be trying to engage something that's on the list of the 27 things that are most dangerous to human life."

"We cannot flee from this travesty. This mockery of the culinary art!" Saber made her opinion know and Rin found herself covering her face in exasperation. She quickly repressed that emotion as well and stashed it with her fear and impotent anger. The small portion of her mind playing host to all the suppressed emotions started gibbering in a confused panic. Rin continued to ignore it and focused on the problem at hand.

"As much as I would like to agree with you Sakura, Saber is right for the wrong reasons," she spoke through her hands before letting them drop with a groan, "First, I agree we need to find Shirou and pull him out of whatever trouble he is in this time, just so we can kick his ass ourselves, but do you really think he would agree to leave the area? With all of these people in danger?"

No one said anything.

"Yeah," Rin sighed, "we know him too well. Second, I don't think we could leave even if we weren't going to find Shirou. If I am right, and I usually am," a hint of her usual Tohsaka pride peeked through before being tossed aside to join her other emotions. She could not afford to be distracted now. Her personal breakdown/freak-out would have to wait, "then all of London is inside a reality marble right now, and as strong as you are Sakura, I don't think you can overwrite this one."

"A reality marble!?" Sakura's eyes widened in shock before closing in concentration while Rider hovered protectively at her shoulder.

"And third," whispered Rin to the wind while her sister remained distracted by her previous revelation, "this all just might be my fault," a deep breath helped steady her nerves as she brushed windblown hair from her face. The action helped disguise a surreptitious wiping of her eyes as she added yet more emotion to the chaotic corner of her psyche. Saber spared a concerned look at her master, but refocused on Sakura when the Matou's eyes snapped open.

"You're right," Sakura said, "it was buried under the oppressive nature of the atmosphere, but this is definitely a reality marble. One stronger than my own, I can feel it."

"Of course I was right," if Rin's voice trembled at all, no one called her out on it.

"If our course of action is sure, we must press forward," Saber pushed the conversation ahead, intent on leaving doubts and other concerns behind, "time is of the essence. What must we know of our opponent?"

"Well it's not a singular opponent per say," Rin corrected, as eager to forget things like troublesome emotions as Saber was, "the thirteenth Apostle Ancestor is a phenomenon, not a being, that manifests in an area using local rumors, legends, and other beliefs to forge a temporary existence. It then preys upon the populace and their fears, leaving after a single night of bloody slaughter. The most famous occurrence of the Thirteenth is the destruction of Wallachia in a single evening when it took the form of Vlad the Impaler," Rin set her mouth in a grim line, "we aren't fighting an individual so much as attempting to survive against the purpose of a world itself."

The crimson sky swirled and shifted high above, slowly forming a pale visage floating high above. Two bloody voids served as grim parodies of eyes and a crescent slash produced an eerie, exaggerated smile.

"Our enemy is the independent reality marble, a phenomenon known as TATARI. Originally born from the great alchemist…."

* * *

 **#$%^ &*():**

"Zepia Eltnam Oberon, Alchemist of Atlas and much, much more" the regal man bowed once more, curling an arm across his chest and sweeping his mantle to the side, "the pleasure is all…. Well I'm not actually sure who the pleasure should belong to in this case," he taped his chin with a finger while straightening, "hmmmm."

"And where are we?" Shirou ignored the man's tangent and moved onto another easy question while trying to order his thoughts. Just what was going on?

"I think I'll just say the pleasure is mine. It's standard that way, and from a certain perspective I AM happy to see you… well not you, you. Just you as in what you represent,"

Shirou took a wary step backwards, something about the man in front of him suddenly seemed… off. The feeling of underlying _wrongness_ cut slowly through Shirou's confusion, leaving the magus with a lingering dread.

"Oh… you asked another question," a small smile from the strange man whose eyes were still crinkled shut, "we are inside TATARI, ensconced away from the real world where the city of London is besieged by a night of terror such that they have never known," Zepia placed one hand delicately on his own chest and threw the other out in a dramatic flourish, "truly the will of man shall be sorely tested!"

Another step back and Shirou started to call images to his mind. His senses screamed danger as the blonde man before him laughed. If this Zepia spoke the truth, something threatened London and the people there.

Something threatened Rin, Sakura, Saber, and Rider.

Unacceptable.

Shirou's mind shifted and his senses sharpened in preparation for combat.

"Oh?" Oberon quirked a single eyebrow as if reading Shirou's thoughts.

Empty hands clenched at air, prepared to grasp any tool needed for a fight. Shirou would be leaving this place one way or another. He opened his mouth to speak before he had decided just what he was going to say, but in the end it did not matter. The other man beat him to it.

"We could fight here if you wish," the alchemist's voice stayed perfectly unconcerned. Not at all worried about the possibility of combat, "It might even help you break free of the area if you won, but there wouldn't be much chance for that to happen," he turned away and gestured to the absurd space they occupied, "this place doesn't, and shouldn't, exist… yet it does and everything within it is mine. No," a pause, "not just mine, this place _is_ me. It is the heart of the phenomena. Your reality marble, even with its unique powers, would not be enough to stop me from crushing you with a thought," a single hand, gloved pristinely in white, rose into the air, poised to snap.

Shirou felt reality tremble at the approach of _something_. He pushed prana through his body, rushing the creation of his weapons as much as possible. Motes of prana coalesced and silvery knives began to take shape.

His opponents _crimson_ eyes opened.

 _-SNAP-_

Time froze for an endless instant as space contorted. Shirou tried to gasp in pain as his surroundings dissolved into fractal patterns from a mathematician's nightmare, but the world itself held him fast. Flickering candlelight bent and warped, splitting into scattered rainbows that also contorted as reality became nothing more than a blur of color and impossible sound. All the while Shirou struggled, trying to writhe in pain as his own body joined in the distortions, feeling as if hundreds of intangible hands were gripping and twisting at every fiber of his being.

The world was taught. Everything strained. Soon, something would break.

Shirou expected it would be him.

"But no, that would be boring," everything snapped back into place and Shirou collapsed to his hands and knees, gasping, "we shall settle for being the audience of my audience while I pick your brain," a genial smile, "and then I will kill you."

"W-what?" a cough racked Shirou's frame, as if his body expected to be spitting up blood. His mind felt as twisted as his body. His powers did not respond.

"You have interested me. You and your accomplishments," the vampire, for that is what Shirou realized Zepia had to be, stepped closer, "as for the rest, well it would be pure indecency to waste a good show. Wouldn't you agree?"

Shirou ignored the extra comments and tried to focus. He needed time to figure something out as fighting would gain him nothing at the moment. The sheer difference in power removed most options, even without accounting for being inside of his opponent's world already. For now he had to delay as best he could and to do that he needed yet another question answered.

What could this man, Zepia, want?

"Why so interested in me? You already have a reality marble. That's what this place is, isn't it?" Shirou guessed at his enemy's goal. It had to be his reality marble as he had no other notable accomplishments to his name, nothing lasting at any rate.

"Your meager world?" the well-dressed man snorted, "while unique and curious, it is far from the splendor I have seen in the minds of others," Shirou heard more than saw Zepia kneel down in front of him, "I never planned to be here. I never saw myself coming here. This entire event is unplanned and unprecedented."

"W-what!?" Shirou stammered out the same question as before, only for his words to be brushed aside.

"And you," a finger caught Shirou's chin and raised his head to stare into crimson eyes, "you are the source of all of it. My every appearance had already been determined. My alchemy allows me to see, to _calculate,_ what is to come, but I knew nothing of this night. For some reason TATARI manifested in London using your form and even stranger than that is the fact that I am here, talking to you! I do not exist! And I will not exist again for hundreds of years! The creation of TATARI removed myself as an individual from the world. This is impossible!" the vampire sprung back to his feet and stared at his hands as they clenched and relaxed sporadically, "it's maddening!" Zepia's form flickered like static on a screen, revealing a mouth filled with jagged, shark-like teeth and eyes of dripping blood that stood out against an unnaturally pale face.

"I don't know how I should feel. Within me war boundless joy and hellish hate," a hysterical laugh escaped from bleeding lips with a splash of blood, "I spent so long, gave up so much, searching for a way, for something unpredictable, for the sixth! AND I FINALLY FOUND IT! BUT IT IS YOU, NOT ME!" A roar and a violent gesture sent Shirou flying through the air. He landed heavily on whatever the ground consisted of and rolled to his unsteady feet as the raging apostle grasped his own head.

"AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY AND DON'T EVEN REALIZE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!" another cry full of rage and something else, something sadder and melancholy, was swallowed by the encompassing black. The gloved hands lowered, revealing crimson eyes shedding bloody tears. The apostle's form flickered once more, removing all traces of blood and sharpened teeth.

"Ah," Zepia smoothed his coat and smiled bitterly, "my apologies. I got a bit out of hand there. Please, forgive me."

Shirou regarded the man suspiciously, but offered a hesitant nod. He had no choice, even against Archer or Gilgamesh he had never felt so outmatched, so helpless. He _would_ still find a way out of this, but he doubted it would involve direct force. For now he needed things to be calm and for his opponent to keep talking.

"You are far too trusting for your own good," tutted the vampire, "I show a hint of civility and you put my threats and apparent rage to the side," a gloved hand waved and a small, circular table of white wood accompanied by two chairs rose from the 'floor', "come, have a seat."

"You still intend to kill me then?" At least the vampire, whose sanity Shirou questioned, seemed to believe trust motivated his begrudging acceptance of "civility" instead of pragmatism…. Or at least mostly pragmatism.

"Why of course. I just find it preferable, and I'm sure you do as well, to chat pleasantly before dealing with such… trivialities," with eyes closed he offered an empty smile.

"With that admission, and since I supposedly can't leave, would you mind if I gave it a try anyway?" Shirou asked, understanding implicitly that the vampire would know what he meant. If Zepia handed him a free attempt at leaving he would take it, if the vampire refused then the situation did not change. Minimal risk for a possible solution to his predicament.

"By all means, not that it will do much good," the dismissiveness of the response could only have been improved had the vampire sipped a drink immediately afterwards. Shirou felt the urgent desire to brew some tea, but decided that such things could wait.

He focused his mind, brought the image of his ever present world to the forefront of his thoughts, and began to speak.

" **I am the bake of my oven…"**

* * *

 **London Rooftops:**

"This is such bullshit!"

Rin had finally progressed past her initial stages of fear and stepped into a much more comfortable mindset… that of anger. Or more accurately she had suppressed all other emotions, cramming them further inside her small mental box, and distracted herself by ranting about her mentor. One of her more cherished pastimes.

"And that ancient, arrogant asshole just jumps off and leaves us to deal with this!" she gestured wildly at the smiling sky, "Unbelievable."

"Rin," Sakura spoke into a momentary lull in her sister's speech with a tight smile, "I know I'm not the most qualified to say this, but could we perhaps focus on something else. As cathartic as your current activity is, we need to be more productive," the Matou received a look of some incredulity. She sighed.

"I am aware I am not the most…" Sakura trailed off in thought for a moment before coming to a decision on her choice of words, " _focused_ of individuals, but even I know that it isn't appropriate for every situation. I'm pretty sure our current circumstances require a shift in my usual methods and thought patterns."

Rin shut away her anger and gave her sister a look. A very expressive look that asked several questions all at once. She voiced only one aloud.

"And you can just change how you think whenever you want? That doesn't seem norm…" Rin trailed off and shook her head, "nevermind. Answered my own question."

"It's not terribly difficult for a _flexible_ mind. I'm sure you've done something similar at some point Rin," Sakura smiled knowingly, "Now. How shall we proceed?"

Rin briefly had a sneaking suspicion that she knew what her sister was referring too, but she threw it into her mental box as fast as she could. She needed to plan.

"I think," Rin began, "that the obvious first order of business is to find Shirou," Sakura and the two servants nodded in agreement, "and I have a likely guess as to where he might be."

"Which is?" Saber asked as Rin glanced at her sister.

"The Clocktower."

As expected, a small frown formed on Sakura's face. Rin knew that her sister didn't much like the Clocktower, or mages in general, but put up with it for Shirou's and her sake. Luckily, an easy solution existed.

"Since it's a set location and might even be the source of all this, I can go there with Saber. Your power and Rider's skills are better suited for speed and crowds, perfect for searching the rest of the city."

"Shouldn't we both check the Clocktower first if you suspect that it is the source of our problems?" Sakura asked through her lightly concealed distaste, apparently more concerned with logic than her own hangups.

"Because it is only a hunch, and we need to cover all possibilities. Saber and I can handle ourselves well enough and there should be other mages of considerable power still present. If anything goes wrong you can reach us far quicker than we could reach you," Rin reasoned before sighing, "plus we have to consider the general population."

"While I agree that the citizens require aid, I did not expect you to bring that up," Saber smiled lightly at her master, "an excellent improvement."

"Do you think I'm heartless?!" Rin accused.

"No. I am just aware of how… focused you are," soothed the servant.

"Shirou would certainly approve," Sakura input.

"Yeah… he would," Rin said quietly before raising her voice, "but we are getting distracted again and time is critical. Saber and I will travel to the Clocktower and meet up with the other mages, you two," she pointed at Sakura and her servant, "will search through the rest of the city and see if you can do anything with everything else that is happening. Any objections?"

Serious faces and silence the only answers.

"Excellent. Let's go Saber," upon Rin's command her servant swept her into a secure carry and leaped away towards the center of the city.

* * *

It did not take long for the bounding pair of master and servant to leave earshot, even with it being servant enhanced, of Rider. A few more bounds for surety and Saber spoke to her master.

"I am sure you have your reasons, but you are trying to hide something from your sister,"

"..." Rin did not answer. Not even to deny Saber's statement.

"It is not wise to be so burdened before battle. Nor so distracted. It is a surprise Sakura did not notice anything," her leading statements were met with silence, until after a seeming age, Rin spoke.

"The atmosphere is affecting her more than she is willing to admit."

"Truly, the blood shows," Saber hoped that she would get some actual answers now that the silent stalemate had ceased, "now you must tell me what troubles you."

"Must I? Who is the master here?" while nothing had changed, seeing some of her master's usual attitude pleased Saber. However, poor mindsets led to mistakes in battle. She had to press on.

"Rin, I am not asking as your servant, but as your friend," the woman in her arms stiffened and then relaxed, her emotions vanishing as fast as they appeared. Just as they had been since the start of their current predicament. Just what was Rin doing to herself?

"Saber," Rin's voice was curt.

"I am listening," the servant encouraged.

"Tatari is formed from the rumors and beliefs that permeate an area. As such, when it manifests it inherits the abilities and appearance of its source. So, just what form would this being take if it can control people with scones? And where could such an ability have come from?"

Saber frowned. She could hear the guilt lacing her master's words, no matter how well hidden.

"I see. You must not blame yourself-"

"I can do what I damn well please!" Rin's emotions slipped their leash, but as before, they were quickly packed away and the magus appeared calm once more. Saber's frown deepened. Very well. This would require a different tact.

"Allow me to finish Master," the servant paused to see if she would be interrupted. She was not, "you must not blame yourself _alone_. I worked my own ways to spread the image and idea of a noble baker fit to be king. I spread his fame in stories as well."

Silence descended like a shroud. The wind whistled and the murmurs of unrest filtered up from below. Rin spoke in an echo of Saber's earlier words.

"Then our course of action is sure. We must press forwards."

"I am at you command, as always, my master."

"Let's fix this."

The pair pushed onward into the burning, bloody night.


	13. Chapter 13: Monsters

**Author's Musing:**

*Searches desperately for a defibrillator for this story*

*Finds one*

Success!

Welcome back everyone! I finally got off my ass enough to finish chapter 13. And once again, despite my intentions of trying to write shorter segments, I have written over 8k words. Whoops. But I doubt you readers will be complaining... Anyway, I suspect there will be some errors below (whoops) as I am not the best proofreader for myself and I decided I had to draw the line somewhere and stop staring at the chapter and publish it. Otherwise it would have been another couple weeks until anything happened.

That aside, I've pretty much said everything that needs to be said in previous chapters, so I won't let this run on.

As always, Enjoy!

 **Std. Disc.**

I do not own any of the source material for this story. It all belongs to the original creators.

* * *

 **Chapter 13: Monsters**

* * *

 **An Alternate Universe, Einzbern Forest:**

Shirou wondered if Baker had ever felt this helpless due to the women in his life. He had seen enough scraps of memory to know that his servant had many of them around, but did not know exactly how they interacted…

Nah. No way. Baker was far too awesome to have to deal with that.

Though Rin probably still scared him. But she was a special case…. He shivered involuntarily at the memory of several lectures and hoped his Rin didn't turn into Baker's Rin. She was already bad enough.

"And I still have no reason to not kill you, Matou," declared one of the sources of Shirou's tangential thoughts about scary women. She was sipping tea from a provided thermos in a most delicate manner.

"Ah, but you have not done so yet, Einzbern. I must wonder if it is because you do not think you can?" and that was the other source, primly snacking on a scone.

Shirou experienced a strange moment of vertigo as he realized he feared the two speakers more than the obsidian incarnation of rage crouched just a short distance away.

At least they had managed to explain most of the situation to his… sister, still an odd thought to get used to, before the barbs started flying. Illya now knew the general identity of Shirou's new allies as well as the truth of the grail war and their family history. Whether or not she believed it remained in question.

"I should think it obvious that the last, desperate attempt of a dying family would be of little trouble for me, let alone Berserker."

"Be careful, assumptions can be deadly and there is much you can't see with such an ego in the way."

He should probably step in. Even if they both turned on him, a likely event, but it would at least stop the back and forth.

"I-I'd prefer if we didn't fight like this," an involuntary stutter marred Shirou's words, but he managed to keep his face passably stern.

Illya and Amethyst both turned level gazes on him, clearly displeased. The two servants appeared to not be bothered at all.

"Shirou," "Oni-chan," both women began in unison, voices surprisingly calm and lecturing. He had expected a bit more of a reaction, so this was a good thing? After sharing an incomprehensible look with Amethyst, Illya inclined her head slightly as if to say 'after you'. It was the most polite gesture Shirou had seen happen between them. Amethyst took her cue and continued.

"Despite how things seem, we are not actually about to fight. Miss Einzbern has just received shocking information that contradicts a majority of what she has been told. That is never healthy for someone's stress level. Our comments back and forth are an enjoyable means of relief, not anything serious. She has decided to see where this goes and learn as much as she can. To that end, she tentatively trusts us to, at the very least, not break the peace. If she were going to attack we would already have an angry Berserker on our hands."

Illya tilted her head in consideration of Amethyst's words.

"Just so," she tersely agreed after a moment, raising her thermos for another long sip.

"And I would never hurt my alterdimensional sister-in-law anyway," Amethyst added cheerfully, ignoring Illya's sputtering as the homunculus choked on her tea, "Shirou, I mean Baker, always did feel guilty about not saving her in our world." she sighed, putting a hand on one cheek.

"I thought you said you weren't supposed to share certain things in this world?" Shirou asked, somewhat dazed from the casual revelation.

"It's only a problem if certain people find out, right?" the innocent sounding question carried more than a little threat.

"Y-yeah," gulped Shirou. Illya, finally recovered from her drink based mishap, did not seem overly concerned and pushed back into the conversation.

"Let's go back to the part where I'm your sister-in-law, Matou," her tone bordered on accusatory.

"It's simple. My Shirou, Baker, is quite the ladies man," the woman looked sideways at Shirou, "and this one will likely go the same way. You might be able to get in on it this time Illya, since you aren't actually related by blood."

"I-Y-You-What!" Illya stammered through a few responses before her face contorted in barely withheld anger. At least, her face turned red and Shirou wasn't sure what else that could mean. She looked as if she desperately wanted to destroy Amethyst, but knew she shouldn't, or couldn't, for the moment. Berserker, picking up the feelings of his master, rumbled menacingly.

"..." Shirou made several things that could charitably be called noises while all his thought processes ground to a halt as he fully processed what he had heard.

"Oh this is far too easy," Amethyst clapped her hands together and giggled, "but we really must focus on the company we are about to have rather than my own amusement."

At her words a solitary figure in blue emerged from the trees to the side of the group holding a crimson lance across his shoulders with casual ease. Despite his history with the man, Shirou did not react. He was still processing Amethyst's previous statements.

"Does this one matter in any of your plans?" Illya asked with serene calm. It was clear that any answer other than 'no' would be met with violence.

"Not a bit!" Amethyst obliged happily.

Illya shifted her gaze from the infuriating woman in front of her and focused on the new, far more expendable, target.

"Berserker," the diminutive mage growled and her servant answered.

" **[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]"**

Berserker launched through the air, the explosive force of his leap finally jolting Shirou out of his dazed state in time to witness Lancer's response.

A red blur surrounded the spearman as he wove his weapon in a complex twirl, striking the ground in rapid succession fast enough to outpace the barreling form of Berserker. Just as the two servants collided a brilliant glow erupted from the marks carved into the earth before dust from the impact swallowed the pair.

"Algiz. Nauthiz. Ansuz. Ingwaz." came the voice of Lancer from the cloud of debris, "fellow spirit, hero of old, by Ath nGabla we fight in single combat," as the declaration finished the air cleared and revealed the two servants facing one another. Berserker, instead of attacking in a mad frenzy, paused for a moment as if thinking and grasping for something just out of his reach. Some forgotten instinct or knowledge...

"And what is that supposed to do!" demanded Illya, now standing and visibly upset that her servant had not obliterated the enemy yet, "Berserker will still crush you!"

"Maybe so," agreed the servant in blue as he dropped the formal pattern of his first words. He laughed joyously as Berserker gave him a single, slow nod. An acceptance of sorts, "but I doubt it's quite as hopeless as you seem to think lassie," he tightened his grip on his spear and grinned a challenge against his fate, "as much as this is going to hurt. It's also going to be. So. Much-"

"BERSERKER!"

"-Fun!"

" **[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]"**

The two servants dissolved into a cascade of destruction as their fight carried them into the surrounding forest along with laughter and the occasional roar. Shirou stared after them, shocked at the rampant damage to the environment despite both his own and his inherited experiences.

"Shouldn't you be concerned about sending your servant away so easily?" inquired Amethyst. She turned away from the fight to look at Illya who glared after the two servants as if she could help Berserker by incinerating Lancer with her eyes alone.

"Nonsense," the homunculus remained keenly focused on Lancer as she replied sternly, "Berserker will finish this quickly and you said yourself that you will not harm me. You also said that I have already decided to trust you," a hint of mockery made its way into Illya's voice, "do you doubt your own words?"

A shadow shifted between the trees away from the ever growing clearing around Berserker. Shirou only noticed the disturbance because Amethyst had spun towards it with her usually relaxed eyes open wide and fiercely focused. He felt that things were approaching, or perhaps far past, the point where he would be out of his depth once more. It was not a pleasant feeling.

"So you won't mind if I take a moment to deal with another problem then?" Amethyst ignored Illya's needling question entirely and began walking away without waiting for a response. Shirou wondered if he should follow, but reconsidered as he had been told explicitly, multiple times, that he should not leave Illya's side once the plan had started.

He winced, remembering how Ruby had introduced him to a whole new meaning of the phrase 'get the point across'.

So he instead turned to Illya, his sister (of some kind), and left Amethyst to vanish into the trees.

"So…" Shirou began, not completely sure of where he was going to take this conversation.

"Shhhh Oni-chan," Illya voice was sweet, "I just need to watch Berserker destroy someone who doesn't matter. That way I won't be tempted to do horrible things to you and yours. OK?"

Shirou wisely kept his mouth shut as Berserker slammed Lancer through another dozen trees.

Illya cheered.

"Disappointing," interrupted a smooth voice from behind the pair and everything fell silent.

Golden light gleamed from between the trees and a man of fair skin and golden hair stepped into view. He tutted and crossed his arms, causing his golden armor to clink and shift with the movement.

"This kind of plan is utterly beneath me, but I suppose a King must indulge his lessers on occasion. Kotomine has earned that much. Though," the man's crimson eyes crinkled and his fair features looked pleased, "this _will_ shorten the wait until the true spectacle begins. So I suppose it is acceptable."

With this declaration he snapped his fingers and a golden ripple formed in the air above his shoulder. From it protruded a glimmering blade of brilliant make and deadly intent.

"I will be taking what is mine now. The lesser grail has been stained by maggots long enough."

Shirou finally found enough thought to swallow the lump in his throat. He knew who this was. He had seen him in memory and had him described. His mind stalled in a chaotic combination of fear and awe.

The King of Heroes, Gilgamesh, had arrived.

"BERSERKER!" Illya, unlike Shirou, still had the presence of mind to act.

" **[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]** " the mad spirit soared high through the air, his trajectory aiming him directly at the golden man.

In response to the descending bundle of muscle and rage, Gilgamesh smirked.

A blur of blue tackled Berserker out of the air, carrying the servant through several of the trees that had remained standing.

"Leaving already?" came the jovial tones of Lancer, "I thought we had something special big guy," blood dripped from his mouth and several other wounds. His left arm hung awkwardly, bent in two places too many. On his face was a wide and satisfied smile, "you can't leave until we are finished, such is Ath nGabla."

" **[][][][][][][]** " Berserker, unlike his opponent, showed no signs of injury as he charged the servant in blue and swung his weapon high. The instant before he was crushed or cleaved in two Lancer rolled backwards with absurd speed and extended his legs up to meet his opponent. The kick used Berserker's own momentum to send him flying further into the distance as Lancer completed the roll and ended up on his feet.

"Nauthiz. Uruz. Raidho." glowing runes flashed briefly through the air and crawled across the spearman's skin. He grinned a bloody grin, "round two. FIGHT!"

With a leap that shattered the ground he bounded away towards the distant yells of Berserker.

"For a dog with such a _taxing_ personality, he does know a few, lesser, tricks," observed Gilgamesh, "now. Where were we…" he turned back to Illya and Shirou.

"Y-you," the white haired homunculus quivered with anger to match her servant while Shirou tried to force his body to move despite feeling completely overwhelmed.

"As yes. My grail."

And the sword still hovering over Gilgamesh's shoulder launched like a bullet straight for Illya.

Shirou finally wrenched his body into motion, diving in front of his sister, who shrieked in rage and fear as she desperately summoned her own magic.

A chain rattled and wrapped once around the flying weapon, yanking it off course to crater the ground beyond the shocked pair of Emiya siblings.

Rider landed softly on the ground between them and Gilgamesh. Her hair settled softly across her shoulders, then shifted slightly of its own accord.

"You. Will not. Touch. Them," she hissed.

Gilgamesh raised a golden eyebrow.

"As if you could stop me. I know what you are, Monster. You are not worth my time."

This time a small arsenal of weapons emerged from the air forming a small pond of golden ripples.

"Begone."

Rider did not attempt to stand against the tide. Even before the rain of metal began she had leapt backwards. Pushing her speed to the limit as she hauled her allies clear of the kill zone and weaved through the trees. Mocking laughter nipped at their heels.

"A futile effort that will only try my patience. Your deaths need not be swift."

Rider set Illya and Shirou down, whispering a hurried, "summon Baker," before vanishing in another flash of movement. Shirou staggered from the rapid changes in momentum, his head spinning. Used to travel by servant, Illya recovered quickly, reached up, and grabbed the front of her brother's shirt. A rough yank using strength beyond her small size brought Shirou's head to her level.

"Summon Baker. Onii-chan."

The tone brooked no argument and triggered some instinctive, or perhaps memory derived, response. Shirou broke free from his confusion and focus returned to his eyes.

"R-right," he shook his head briefly, raised his hand, and focused his intent into his command seals, "Baker, Come!"

Crimson light flashed and a wave of prana surged through the air, commanding reality itself to bend to its might.

And nothing happened.

Rider flickered back to the edge of Gilgamesh's attack, standing clear of the damaged ground and shattered trees. The arrogant king had not yet shifted from his spot. He stood, arms crossed, wearing a disdainful expression complete with narrowed eyes.

"You return, but that does not excuse the act of turning your back to me."

Rider straightened, but did not respond. The silence stretched, broken only by the distant sound of Berserker and Lancer continuing their fight. Crimson eyes narrowed further in irritation, gold rippled through the air.

Rider reached up and with an effort of will, cut her flow of power to Breaker Gorgon. The blindfold fell away into her waiting hand and Cybele, the mystic eyes of petrification, looked once more upon the world.

The gaze of grey eyes with pale violet irises and square pupils bore into Gilgamesh.

And he blinked.

In the face of something bordering the divine, the King of Heroes laughed.

"Oh, I see. You are but another one," he gestured his arms wide, unconcerned and unhindered, "you will fare no better than Humbaba*."

With no visible command more weapons rocketed forth from the rippling air behind Gilgamesh. Rider blurred as she wove through the bombardment. She knew that defeating the King of Heroes was beyond her, especially with her eyes failing to impact him at all. Should he choose to become serious, she would be annihilated. Even her Pegasis would fall beneath the weight of the King's armory.

Fortunately, he just needed to be distracted until Baker arrived. A few seconds at most to prevent him from turning his attention to Sakura, Shirou, or Illya.

Resolve firm, Rider cast one of her chain-linked nails towards Gilgamesh's face only to have it deflect off a golden gauntlet held in the way. The expression of confidence did not change as the hand, completely unmarked from the impact, lowered.

"Such hideous eyes hold no place in my world. Hold still that I might pluck them from you," Gilgamesh commanded, "This will not take long. Heroes and Kings slay monsters all the time."

The golden glow above the man intensified as more and more portals, bristling with golden swords, axes, spears, and other exotic items, blossomed into existence.

Rider yanked her nail back with one hand, deftly wrapping the chain around her arm while her other hand affixed her blindfold once more. Her eyes did not harm Gilgamesh, but the same could not be said for her approaching reinforcements.

Her reinforcements that should have arrived by now.

Where was Baker?

Golden weapons, more than even someone as fast as Rider could possibly dodge, angled to point directly at her.

Rider tensed in preparation, uncaring of the odds against her.

The golden rain fell.

* * *

*For those of you who are curious, Humbaba is a monster slain by Gilgamesh in his original epic. Though it may vary depending on translation and source, he is usually described as having a lion's head, a scale covered body, clawed feet, and a tail that ended in a serpent's head. Humbaba's gaze is also described as "a gaze that brings death". Does that sound somewhat familiar?

Also, Gilgamesh's golden armor is enchanted to an absurd degree (much like most of his possessions) and is made to prevent petrification. Thank you internet. Thank you Type Moon Wiki.

* * *

 **Moments Earlier, The Same Location**

"Rider, watch Shirou and Illya please. I am sure somebody will try _something_."

Sakura felt the presence of her servant pull away from her shoulder and bound back towards the other two masters. They would be safe under her watch. What Rider could not fight she would be able to escape from easily enough.

But right now, walking amongst the deepening gloom and looming trees, she didn't need to worry about that.

A triplet of long blades attached to short, cross shaped hilts flew forth from the shadows.

She had something else to worry about.

A band of solid darkness swept the weapons from the air in a single motion. Sakura smiled and turned just in time to reach up and nimbly catch another blade on course for her head. She spun it lazily between her fingers and called out to her surroundings.

"It's rude to try and stick something into a girl without her consent."

Fingers flexed and the metal snapped, dissolving into motes of prana.

"It's surprising that a priest wouldn't know that."

"Not as surprising as finding out just who you have allied with… Sakura Matou," the voice of Kotomine Kirei oozed implacably out from the trees accompanied by the man himself clad in his usual vestments.

"I'm afraid I don't quite take your meaning,"

"For one such as yourself to tie themselves so closely to magi. For was it not mages that made your life the way it is? Mages that made you so… unclean," the man's words were slow and measured as if stalking a deer, "you hold close the ones you should hate."

"Ah, I see. You are right, you know," agreed Sakura easily, "I do hate them. As a whole I find mages to be a waste of space. Perfect examples of just why 'all the evils of the world' is so extremely potent. Normally, I would be more than happy to hand all of them to you. Even as depraved as you are…" she trailed off.

"Then perhaps we could come to an arrangement? I'm sure it would be most… beneficial," The man began to pace, traveling in a loose circle.

"I was not finished," Sakura's gentle voice hid the sharpened edge of her smile.

"Oh? My sincere apologies." nothing in Kirei's voice betrayed anything other than true contrition.

"I said normally. There is, however, a problem that makes this situation far from normal."

"And that is?" honest curiosity radiated from the false priest.

"Those mages, my allies, are an exception. There are two I could never hate," Sakura's voice softened even as her expression grew sharp.

"Then if they were to be spared, would you…" the beginnings of an offer were brushed away.

"That is not possible," a flash of irritation at being interrupted crossed Kirei's face before being quashed back into easy neutrality.

"You did not even listen to what I have to offer you, my dear," he smiled gently, encouragingly. Sakura's smile grew wider in response.

"That is because it does not matter. You will not be leaving here alive after all," It was the most polite of death threats between two fake smiles.

"And why is that?" he did not appear concerned in the least.

"You killed my father," she stated simply, then struck.

Whips of shadow lashed across the distance between the two, seeking to bind and twist and break. They shattered as more blades, held easily between Kirei's fingers, swept through them. A tide of darkness tinged red followed after in a sweeping wave that forced the man to leap backwards. He threw his weapons before vanishing among the trees as a black blur.

Sakura sighed and swayed to avoid the flashing projectiles.

"Hide and seek Kirei? I did not think you would be one for such simple games,"

A hint of Kirei's true disposition leaked into the forest as his low laughter echoed about the area.

"I always say I am but a simple, humble priest." his voice came from no discernable source.

"Does anyone believe you?"

"The masses do."

The man's form could not be seen, but Sakura was not worried in the slightest. Her eyes followed hidden movements among the trees. She had other ways of keeping track of Kotomine.

But those ways were not fast enough.

In the blink of an eye, Kirei appeared standing before her with an arm cocked back to deliver a crushing blow. Sakura's eyes shot fully open with surprise. He had moved so quickly and timed it so well that he may as well have teleported before the woman. His foot stomped into the ground as his fist rushed forward, a powerful force wielded by one whose entire body could be considered a weapon.

As deathly quick as the priest was, he could not outpace thought and a shimmering wall of energy blazed into existence between the two combatants. The barrier shined bright with the blue light of prana, more than most magi would ever be able to conjure, and held firm with its creator's will. Yet Kirei's fist did not slow, even when it looked as if his flesh and bone would crush themselves against the shield.

Crimson energy blasted out from the right arm of Kirei's coat, shredding the fabric and revealing jagged, segmented lines glowing upon his bare skin. A single piece of the intricate tattoo, his command seals, became incandescent and the energy condensed around his moving fist. Red met blue in a flash and the wall of power shattered like glass.

Sakura had barely begun to flinch when Kirei's fist connected with her abdomen, directly above her heart. His fist twisted as the impact occurred, a move intended to crush and collapse internal organs beneath the blow.

Sakura flew backwards with a misshapen chest but remained unnaturally upright and came to rest on her feet. Her wound flowed with liquid darkness before settling into the proper shape. Color returned to the shadow and Sakura stood untouched and pristine. Kirei only smiled at the setback.

"Your father?" he asked before closing the distance once more with lightning speed and spinning a high kick, strong enough to decapitate someone, through Sakura's head. Her body distorted into shadow around Kirei's leg, reforming as the limb passed. Kirei continued to flow, bringing around a fist clasping three hilts that grew blades as he swung.

This time Sakura leapt away as fast as she could. The blades, black keys in truth, still managed to slide along her left arm and this time her body did not shift away. A cry of pain escaped her lips, forced out by weapons forged to fight evil. Kirei's smile grew satisfied and he did not pursue.

"Why would you strike me down for that man?" a flutter of his coat, minus the missing sleeve, and more hilts found their way into his empty hand. He grinned, "He was yet another mage. The same as the rest."

Sakura's expression did not falter from her fake smile, but her eyes grew stoney. She clutched at her bleeding arm as shadows tried, and failed, to flow over it. They were repulsed by some lingering force, leaving blood free to continue oozing out of the wounds. Abandoning the attempt at healing the darkness rose from her body into the air and curled into spears that flung themselves towards Kirei.

The priest stepped forward at an easy pace, one that didn't change as he batted aside the coming projectiles. He had no need for haste. Blood was already in the water.

"Tokiomi Tohsaka. An exemplary mage," Kirei stated before he blurred forward and swiped at Sakura with mocking slowness. She dodged aside and the blue light of prana gathered in her healthy hand, shooting out in a ragged beam.

"Ruthless," a command seal glowed crimson and imbued Kirei's blades with light as they grew thick and unwieldy.

"Devious," the heavy blades cut through the oncoming rush of power before shattering. More black keys quickly replaced them.

"Pragmatic," Kirei moved and once again attacked with deliberate delay that allowed his prey to escape. His smile grew with each word even as Sakura's smile became ever more brittle. He could feel the rage and pain within her and it was _marvelous_.

"You say you will kill me for a man not fit to be a father?"

Kirei's arm lit crimson for the third time. He launched a final verbal barb before attacking with intent to kill.

"A man who sold one daughter and left the other to-"

"ENOUGH!" for the first time Sakura's voice rose to a shout and a burst of raw, invisible power threw Kirei back before he could reach his target. Blood dripped onto the ground from her wounds as the woman reached out towards her opponent, grasping at far more than the empty air. Kirei Kotomine froze, his black keys fell to the ground as his body arched in pain and his insides twisted, "You are correct. I care not at all for Tokiomi Tohsaka, but she does. And I care about her."

"You," Kirei's voice hissed into the air as his body contorted and fought itself, "mean the sister who left you to rot i-"

"Be silent," Sakura hissed as she clenched her hand tight and the black beating heart inside of Kirei, formed from the corrupt grail of the previous war, compressed yet further.

You've…" revelation filled Kirei's eyes and a hacking cough sprayed blood into the air, "connected with the grail? So fully," a sanguine smile bloomed on the priest's face, one of the few genuine ones he had ever displayed, "perfect."

"Oh? That is what you wanted?" Sakura's head tilted to the side.

"Yes. You will be the vessel, the source, of the one thing that must exist in this world. The Grail is proof that someone like myself has a purpose in this world. It will consume you. I wish I could have lived to see it," a wisp of melancholy wove through the priest's words as his body fell limp, held aloft only by the grip on his heart.

"I'm terribly sorry," Sakura did not even feign sympathy, "but Angra Mainyu will not be making any appearances here. The Grail and its contents will be dealt with tomorrow, once tonight's business is done."

Kirei chuckled wetly.

"Even if you do find victory tonight, as unlikely as that is against Gilgamesh, your mind will succumb before dawn. If you are able to pull at my heart then you are far too deeply connected with the Grail. The burden is too great," the priest's words rasped from his breaking body, "It is too late, you will destroy everything, even what you love."

This time Sakura chuckled.

"If I were still a child your words might wound and worry me, but that burden you speak of?"

She serenely closed her eyes and thought back.

"It is nothing that I have not borne before. I came to terms with who and what I am years ago. Both here and in London."

"But… you have never been to…" Kirei's eyes widened in surprise and realization, "who…"

"Die with your disappointment."

Sakura's fist closed and Kirei's body crumpled to the ground. There was no special sign or sound. Nothing definitive to signify his end.

Sakura sighed as she lowered her raised arm and lifted the other to examine the wounds upon it. Blood flowed freely from the cuts and nothing happened as she concentrated.

"Even dead you are a nuisance," she commented aloud, "guess this will have to heal the old fashioned way."

Ribbons of blue light poured from Sakura's upper arm and wrapped tightly around the damage. The light faded, leaving white bandages that immediately stained red. The process repeated twice more before a sling joined the magical constructs. Sakura nodded to herself, checked the knots on her bandages, and strode back into the woods.

Nature would clean itself up given time, and Kirei didn't deserve anything less.

* * *

 **T̷͉͛h̶̙̎e̷̲̽̚ ̴̨̛̔R̷͎͋̎ǫ̸̙̃̿o̷͔̩͋̕f̸͕̹̌t̷̯́o̸̯̺͆p̴͈̻̎̊š̸̳̟ ̶̢̒̏o̶̧͛́f̸̖̈́͆ ̸̥̀̐L̷̎ͅȯ̸̗̭n̶̠̐d̵̨̯͛̃o̸͎͒n̶̥̜̄:**

Rider swept across the districts of London like the wind itself. A brief tap of her foot on a roof and they were launched skyward yet again under the crimson sky and its looming, smiling face. She mulled briefly on her luck that her master had become much less fragile than their early days together. Leveraging her true speed would have been impossible otherwise, but this was not the time for such idle thoughts. They had more pressing concerns.

She focused upon the impressions given off by her surroundings. Even though her Breaker Gorgon sealed her sight in addition to the magic of her eyes, much could be determined through other senses. Sound bounced around her, echoing in minute nuances that could be parsed. The scents of fire, fear, and blood swirled through the air from their respective sources. Ambient mana flowed over, around, and through everything in a pattern she could feel.

Yes, she might be blind, but Rider knew she could see more clearly than most.

As she scanned the chaotic city, minute movements from Sakura told her that her master was contributing as well, still looking every which way for some sign of what they needed. For some hint at the source of this corrupt reality and through that, a way to find Shirou.

Shirou... Shirou Emiya.

A curious individual indeed, and one similar to her own master.

Though the circumstances differed, both had been broken by their own pasts and though they both functioned, neither was normal in any sense of the word.

Rider knew what that felt like personally, which made it all the more impressive that Shirou had been able to help Sakura even when burdened by his own troubles. Or perhaps his own troubles were the reason he could help? But that didn't matter. A broken boy had seen a girl forced to become a monster, a girl corrupted beyond comprehension by the efforts of others… and he had reached out a hand. Sakura loved him for it.

If only someone like Shirou had come to her on the island… instead of that man.

Rider forced the thought down. The past held no importance here. She had not been saved, but she could ensure that the same fate did not befall her master. And for that they needed Shirou back.

Plus, he wasn't unattractive in his own way.

Rider let a small smile cut her face. Her master had good taste.

And none of that took into account his power…

No, that was the wrong word. In terms of power her master held the most. Shirou held something different, something hard to describe. The best word for it would be…

 _Potential._

That young man embodied a frightening amount of raw potential. The growth she had witnessed from her first meeting with him till now, and the difference between that and his possible future scarcely made sense. For someone from this time period to have the raw capability of becoming a heroic spirit? Even as a Counter Guardian? It bordered on the unreal.

And yet... he was real.

And he had found her master and helped her.

She would be forever grateful for that even as she watched him like she watched all the others.

Rider held her master a little tighter.

She would protect Sakura from _anything_ … _anyone_.

Luckily, it was unlikely to be a problem in this case if she had judged the red haired youth at all correctly.

She shook such grim thoughts aside as her feet touched upon another roof and bent her knees to keep Sakura steady during the impact. She sprung upwards into her next leap only for her trailing foot to be held fast for a moment before tearing free from something. It destroyed their forward momentum forcing Rider to tuck herself around her charge as they tumbled down into a cobblestone courtyard.

Her 'sight' came alive with seething magical feedback. A concentration of the oppressive atmosphere coated every nearby surface in a matter of moments. They landed with a squelch in something mercifully softer than stone. Even counting servant physiology, landing on your back was never pleasant. However, what truly worried the servant were the invasive fingers of something trying to worm its way into her mind.

Sakura gasped in surprise and pain causing Rider to wince in sympathy. Her master shivered violently and began to breathe erratically.

Rider could feel corruption oozing from the thick muck they had landed in. It reminded her far too much of something she had thought destroyed along with the Grail, but that didn't matter at the moment. All that mattered was getting Sakura somewhere safe. She pushed aside the whispered doubts invading her thoughts and rose to her feet in a swift motion.

Or at least, she tried to.

The sludge gripped tight to her body and continually tried to flow higher and reach her cradled master. It fought her every movement and Rider barely managed to leverage herself into a mostly upright position. Brute force couldn't solve this problem unless she drew upon the monstrous side of her power to raise her strength.

That was not an attractive solution, but Rider knew they needed to leave this area as fast as possible. Her senses could track the substance flowing around them and it was only growing deeper and spreading further, subsuming the surrounding city block. She could even feel several knots of the energy spiraling tighter and tighter with every moment. Plus, her master continued to whimper quietly and shiver. That was the greatest worry of all.

They _really_ needed to leave, so she took a different option. Ignoring the grasping tendrils of muck Rider shifted to hold Sakura with one arm and called forth her chain nail before driving it viciously into her own throat. Blood sprayed into the air and hovered along invisible lines to form a complex seal of crimson lines. The sigil exploded outwards with a burst of light that pushed back the crimson twilight and was shortly followed by a thunderous neigh that split the skies.

A white pegasus, pure and pristine, hovered serenely above the courtyard radiating light and magic. Its mere presence caused the corrupt mud to burn and recede even as the mighty beats of the phantasmal beast's wings scattered the sludge about.

Rider strained once more against her weakening bonds and broke free. She leapt gracefully into the air only to have her master ripped painfully from her grip by the clinging sludge.

"No!" Rider shouted her frustration as she landed atop her loyal steed and grasped the golden reigns that appeared in her hands. With a gentle nudge she directed the pegasus to dive towards her master. It would be simple to scour the area clean and pull her friend to safety despite the still growing knots of power surrounding them. Rider could sense one forming directly on the path to her master and she pressed her mount to greater speed, intent on blasting the shape rising from the mud out of existence.

Then the shape sprouted a face. A familiar face.

The pegasus whined in surprise as Rider yanked backwards on the golden reigns, struggling to stop as its wings beat wildly at the air. The mound of mud shifted, smoothing into a human shape to match its new face. Pale skin and lavender hair, a match for Rider's own, blossomed from and across the child sized figure.

"Hello sister," the girl spoke as she stood between Rider and her master.

"S-stheno…" Rider whispered in disbelief, frozen atop her pegasus as she stared, or rather sensed, at the impossible figure. Golden reigns slipped from her fingers. How was she here? How had this happened?

Sakura whimpered and shuddered, still held fast to the ground.

Rider buried the thoughts of her long dead sister and the tumbling emotions that came with them. They did not matter. Not now. Her master needed her. She grasped the reigns to rush to Sakura's aid, but arrows pierced through her pegasus's wings, shredding the joints and drawing forth a scream of pain. More projectiles found their mark across the beast's belly and neck as it floundered in the air.

They fell in an ungainly tumble, Rider barely managing to roll clear of her mangled mount as it slammed into the ground. Its aura of power flickered and vanished, letting cursed mud thicken and flow over the stones once more. Another familiar figure, nearly identical to Stheno and carrying a bow of glittering gold, strode past the weakening beast held fast by the rising sludge.

"Euryale?" gasped Rider, her senses flickering between her sisters. Or at least, facsimiles of her sisters. They were dead and gone. They could not be here. Not after she had…

Rider grit her teeth and shoved the memories aside. She couldn't be distracted. She needed to help her master. These tricks could not distract her.

The image of Euryale let the string of her bow relax and favored Rider with a malicious smile.

"Hello sister."

"Hello sister." Stheno spoke in an eerie echo and the two voices together pulled on things long suppressed in Rider's memory.

"Rider!" Sakura, voice finally found, cried out in distress and concern. A flare of power bloomed from her, brilliantly bright to Rider's senses, but it was snuffed out like a candle. Something had stopped her master from helping, likely the growing lumps of muck surrounding the girl that felt just like the images of Rider's sisters.

Rider tensed to leap to her master's side but a wave of Stheno's hand called forth blasts of magic that forced her back and drew her attention.

"We wish to speak with you sister," Rider flinched as the voice turned accusatory, "about what you have done."

No. It hadn't been her fault. Rider's breath began to quicken.

"We wish to tell you the _truth_ ,"

She shouldn't listen to them. She only had a duty to her master.

Yet she did not move, even as sludge flowed over her feet as a nagging presence compelled her to listen.

The corrupt constructions of Stheno and Euryale strode forward, their voices slashing forth like blades.

"You couldn't save yourself!"

"You dragged us with you!"

"You destroyed us! Ate us!"

"You will do the same again!"

The voices of Stheno and Euryale alternated in waves of seething hate, growing towards a crescendo unleashed in unison.

" **You Monster!"**

Rider trembled and her hands clenched repeatedly, grasping for her weapon, but nothing came. Illusions or not, they bore the faces of her sisters. She needed to destroy them. To go help Sakura.

But they were her sisters!

But they were wrong! They had to be wrong. Rider knew she had failed in the past, but she had been given a second chance. She had helped save Sakura from repeating her own fate. Sakura was saf-

A piercing scream raised ripples in the mud. A familiar scream.

Sakura's scream.

A swelling bubble of corruption rose before Rider and formed into the body of Sakura waist deep in the mire and identical to the real one yards away. The fake raised a shaking hand towards rider, despair plain on her face.

Rider knew it was an illusion.

"Why!? Why couldn't you save me!"

But the voice of her master crying out with such pain. With such accusation…

It hammered home every doubt, every fear. It brought forth the images of her former family and all her past sins. She felt tears prick at her eyes behind the cloth of her blindfold.

"Rider!" the voice of Sakura cried out once more from behind her, "don't listen to…"

The plea faded away as Rider dropped to her knees with a splash. What could she do? What had she already done? Was someone like her even capable of saving anyone?

Why did she keep trying? Just now she had failed again. Her pegasus, her powers. Useless. She had doomed her master.

What could she do?

What should she do?

She should...

"Come now sister, you have done it before. When you became a monster."

"You should just give up."

She... should just give up.

* * *

"Rider!"

Sakura reached futilely towards her servant who was now kneeling in the muck, slumped and lifeless. She felt tears wind down her face, matching those leaking from beneath the blindfold of her friend and protector. The sludge filling the courtyard gripped tightly about her arms and legs, pulling her against the ground

A more insidious pull grappled with her mind and powers. Energy called to her aid drained away in moments, siphoned off into the liquid pooling around her. Dark memories came forth unbidden from the depths of her mind. Images and thoughts she had thought long dealt with called for her to listen and despair.

She felt it stir in the depths of her soul. The lingering lake of dark power. The silent shadow of the grail, no longer still, but seething as if under storm.

"Just as helpless as always."

The disdainful voice shocked Sakura into looking away from the fate of her servant.

"And you wonder why I never came to save you," smirked Rin Tohsaka.

Her sister gazed down with a mix of pity and disgust.

"You always thought it was because I didn't know what the Matou's were doing, but in reality, it just wasn't _worth_ it. You are useless and weak."

"S-sis?" Sakura choked out.

"It's true. I only ever helped you out of pity," Shirou Emiya stepped out from behind Rin, "Really, what else other than pity could be felt for someone like you?"

Sakura opened her mouth but could not speak. Hot tears flowed down her cheeks.

"You should be left, forgotten, in the dark."

"You are not needed, and never will be."

A third figure, dark in color but for the red runes across its skin, rose to stand with the images of Shirou and Rin.

"The most you ever were was a vessel for me," spoke Angra Mainyu.

"Begone."

"Vanish."

"Submit."

Sakura sank helplessly into her memories, ever closer to the carefully contained remnants of her own darkness. Ever closer to her own portion of All the World's Evil, the dark lake of despair frothing in her mind. She tried to struggle, to push back against the tide of emotion and apathy that crushed her and tore her apart, but to no avail. She felt herself go limp, both physically and mentally, and sobbed silent tears as the cursed waters of the lake rose in curtains to claim her.

She had lost. She had failed. She was a monster. She…

In her mind's eye her foot touched the lake of Evil in her soul and ripples spread throughout the raging surface, leaving stillness behind.

And she remembered.

For an instant she felt again the true weight of All the World's Evil…

And she laughed.

For this imitation. This world of blood. This _fake_. Was. Nothing.

Her hair bled white and her veins pulsed crimson.

Her eyes burned red.

And she laughed.

* * *

Sakura's frame shook as her laughter rang across the courtyard. Laughter filled with pain and sadness and anger.

Filled with amusement.

As she stood, black and crimson clung and rose with her, but it was not the colors of the muck thick across the ground. No. It was far deeper, far more real than that. If the muck was black, then the ragged dress now covering Sakura's body was cut from the abyss itself. If the muck was crimson, then the jagged lines that cut across Sakura's skin were the bloody flames of hell.

The echoing laughter faded, leaving the courtyard silent but for distant screams. Sludge poured off of Sakura as she rose from the ground to turn her gaze upon the specters before her. A mocking smile graced her lips and memories of the true Angra Mainyu danced freely through her mind.

"You thought to fight _me_ with betrayal? You thought to fight _me_ with Evil? You are a mere imitation! Nothing you could produce, nothing you could show me, could ever approach the true form of All the World's Evil. I have seen the infinite darkness of man, lived with it, and borne it within me. Everything you can do. Everything you can make me feel," her eyes narrowed,

"I've felt worse."

And she had beaten it too.

She strode forward and the cursed sludge covering the ground parted before her, rippling away from her steps as if afraid. The specters stood still in shock and indecision except for the image of Rin, which took a single step backwards. A path cleared to the struggling figure of her servant, still kneeling in the muck amidst her own past demons.

"Stand up Rider," Sakura commanded, "we will not be held back by these pitiful shadows. We have moved past that and we have people counting on us."

The head of the Matou family, clad in a dress of flowing curses and host to the remains of a corrupt grail, stood tall above her servant and friend. She extended a hand downwards and smiled gently.

"Stand up Rider," she repeated, "we must face who we are with pride."

Medusa of the Gorgon Sisters, daughter of the sea god Phorcys, grasped the hand of her master and the weight bearing her down vanished. The red and black sludge peeled away from her body and pulled back from her feet to leave her standing free.

"We are monsters," Sakura admitted to the world, but the word was not said with scorn, "We have been beaten, betrayed, and broken both within and without. Yet here we stand, together. We have found a place with each other and with people who accept us _and_ our nature, not just in spite of it. And that is enough. Now we fight another monster who seeks to take that from us," she looked across the figures arrayed against her that wore the faces of her friends and family, "but it has forgotten something important."

"You words mean nothing!" scorn dripped from the twisted voice of Rin Tohsaka.

"You words change nothing!" Shirou's words were a lashing accusation.

"You will die here!" the red runed figure growled a promise.

Sakura did not waver, she just kept speaking.

"In a fight between monsters," the clear ground beneath her bare feet began to bubble and froth as malice filled the air, "the biggest one wins."


End file.
